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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DS that he shouldn't go and see Santa?

34 replies

MrsSnape · 01/12/2008 22:47

Every year one of the teachers at school dresses up as santa. A store room is turned into a grotto and for £1.50 your child can queue up for an hour to see Santa and receive a present.

We've just had the letter home saying that this will be on next week.

Now whenever we have been before, the kids that have gone have been nursery, reception, year 1 and year 2. Some year 3's have gone and very, very few year 4s. I've never seen any year 5's or 6's there unless they're helping the set-up or something.

However DS1 is still insisting on going. He doesn't care what anyone thinks of him (about anything, its all part of his "emo" image) and he knows full well that none of the other kids in his class/year will be going and if they see him, they'll laugh about it for weeks/months.

He doesn't believe in Santa, he simply wants to go because his younger brother will get a present and he won't

AIBU to tell him he can't go? he's 10 btw.

OP posts:
KatyMac · 01/12/2008 22:49

How much will he accept a bribe for?

Offer £3 if he won't go

KatieDD · 01/12/2008 22:53

I have to do this with my DD sometimes, she wanted to go to the Christmas fayre dressed as a sheep
I think sometimes you have to save them from themselves I told DD in no uncertain terms was she showing herself up (and me) and gave her an extra £1 for putting her jeans on instead.

herbietea · 01/12/2008 22:54

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thisisyesterday · 01/12/2008 22:55

yes, you are being unreasonable.

why don't you want him to go??

Original poster
MrsSnape · 01/12/2008 22:55

I will buy him something/bribe him I think.

I am pretty liberal and let him get away with showing himself up being individual (such as wearing shoes with bright red laces just to piss the bullies off) but I think going to see FC at 10 years old when you know full well it will cause the others to pick on you...when you're already a bully magnet...is just taking the piss a bit really.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 01/12/2008 22:56

WHy shouldn't he go? It's only £1.50 - is your household budget that strained?

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2008 22:59

but surely it's his choice?
i think it's great that he has his own mind and isn't afraid to show it. you should be encouraging that, not trying to make him conform and do what other people want of him.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 01/12/2008 23:00

its not the money! he would be the only kid in the whole of year 5/6 to go. Picture the scene...lots of excited 4 and 5 year olds standing with their parents and their "foundation stage" sweaters on....and then a 10 year old 'emo' kid stood stood amongst them. Its asking for trouble.

OP posts:
KatieDD · 01/12/2008 23:01

Mrs Snape I think my DD and your DS would get along very well indeed. The joy's eh ?

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2008 23:03

but mrssnape, this is how he is learning about the world,. he is discovering all this stuff out by himself and i think that's great
I know you're trying to protect him, but if he doesn't want that protection you are just going to have to let go.

he understands the consequences. so let him go...

Original poster
MrsSnape · 01/12/2008 23:04

lol KatieDD, is your DD very 'individual' too? reminds me of how I was as a teen...anything to rebel and be different.

DS asked me a few months ago...

"Can I dye my hair black with red streaks?" I said "no, course not!" he replied with "why? you did when you were a kid! gags (grandma) told me!" ... my answer "yes you're right, I did...when I WAS 15!! NOT 9!" sigh.

OP posts:
mabanana · 01/12/2008 23:04

I would give him the money and say he can spend it on himself so he and his brother have the same, but yes, would discourage the visiting FC.

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2008 23:05

oh MrsSnape he sounds great! honestly, I would love if my ds's turned out like that. he sounds very confident and sure of himself. it's a GOOD thing

Original poster
MrsSnape · 01/12/2008 23:05

thisisyesterday, I do understand what you're saying and I agree to a point...but it kind of feels like sending a lamb to the slaughter its hard to do, especially when they pick on him and laugh at him as it is because he is so different.

OP posts:
NotanOtter · 01/12/2008 23:07

agree totally mrs snape

he needs o learn its not the plastic tat but the experience and at 10 he is not really really going to be taken in by this

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2008 23:08

i know, i do understand. but maybe if he is insistent, it's just something he needs to do?

I agree with giving him the money actually. just say here is £1.50 for you each, what you spend it on is up to you.

maybe if he realises he can spend it on something else he won't bother with FC.

KatieDD · 01/12/2008 23:11

My DD is a fantastic artist, I mean truly gifted but because she has so little confidence in herself she attracts attention for negative reasons instead of positive.
I tell her that her classmates think she brilliant because of her art and the bugger refuses to do it.
I don't know what she wants from other kids, it's like she is playing the clown for want of a better expression to hide the fact that she's shy, only her humor is not conventional and nobody finds it funny.
Tis very hard, if I can get her through high school in one piece I shall be delighted.

ThePregnantMerryYuleWitch · 01/12/2008 23:12

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mabanana · 01/12/2008 23:13

some kids need help to understand how people will react to their actions, and protecting from themselves. It's all very well to say he understands the consequences, but some kids really don't.

onthewarpath · 01/12/2008 23:15

I think it is a great sign of strong personality when DC are not the least bothered by what the others think. Maybe he could teach us (adults) a thing or two.

onthewarpath · 01/12/2008 23:19

Forgot a bit, Dd1 (9 1/2) talkes to fairies, Iknow she does not believe in them and she knows I know IYSWIM, it does not stop her doing it because she thinks it is fun to pretend. I suspect that sometimes she does it to stay a little girl longer...

solidgoldbrass · 01/12/2008 23:30

MrsS, I know this is a bit unfair (to refer to a poster's other threads) but given that you seem to have problems telling other people to go fuck themselves when necessary, could you maybe consider that your DS is kind of teaching you something? Ie that if you want to do something, you shouldn't be put off by what other people think when what you are doing is not going to hurt them?

onthewarpath · 01/12/2008 23:43

I love your Christmas name Pregnant

ThePregnantMerryYuleWitch · 02/12/2008 09:59

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thean · 02/12/2008 13:58

All credit to him. He has worked out how to get an extra present. I hadn't worked that one out til i was much older. It is very important at that age to get the same amount as your sibling.