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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I being unreasonable for not talking to him?

36 replies

MrsSnape · 30/11/2008 20:14

I posted on here a while ago about a mad woman trying to set me up with her grandson. Well it kind of died down after she seemed to get the message that I was no interested.

Anyway, on friday night we were due to attend a night out (not together but we were both due to be there IYSWIM?). She phoned me before hand to ask what time I was setting off and to tell me that young man would be a bit late (ok, and you're telling me because..?)

Anyway, the night went well, young man turned up with his grandad and sat near our table, kept looking across and smiling. I smiled back and said hello, he said hello back...perfectly friendly behaviour right?

But oh no, apparantly I was "mean" to him because I didn't make an effort to speak to him. He "couldn't" talk to me because he's too shy apparantly.

Now let's say for one minute that I DID like him...would it really be my resposibilty to instigate conversation because he's "too shy"?

OP posts:

jamescagney · 30/11/2008 20:18

remember your thread Mrs Snape. Honestly, any "man" that communicates through their nan is worth steering clear of! I feel sorry for him with such a pushy nan, he's probably terrified of what she has done/said recently.

itsbeenashock · 30/11/2008 20:20

wtf! Do you like him? (i'm pretty sure from what i've read in your other threads you don't) Who did she say you are meean to?

weird.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 30/11/2008 20:31

Its just all crazy, crazy behaviour! She gave him my mobile number last week and after she pushed and pushed "he" sent me a text message asking how me and the kids were. It was BLATENT that she had either a) written it or b) told him exactly what to write.

When I see him in person he acts all shy and bashful but NEVER mentions any of this.

I was apparantly a bit mean to him because I never made the effort to speak to him during the night out. Surely if a man likes someone enough, no matter how shy they are...THEY would say something!? especially if they knew the other person had already been hounded by a relative! even if it was just to apologise! lol

The way I feel lately I really feel like just snapping "I am sorry, but I'm used to GROWN UP RELATIONSHIPS!" but I'm too...nice (read, cowardly!)

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 30/11/2008 20:32

OMG, he sounds very odd.

Steer clear.

BouncingTurtle · 30/11/2008 20:34

Umm - how old is he? Coz he sounds about 12!!

Steer clear!!

CatMandu · 30/11/2008 20:37

Time to send him a text I think (have been following this saga). You could;

Bite the bullet and ask him out for a drink.

Be bolder with nan and tell her you're not interested.

Tell him his nan has put you off

And is it my imagination or did you say on a prevous thread that he's younger? another excuse you could use.

quint · 30/11/2008 20:37

If you're not interested in him, can I ask why you're bothered?!

Original poster

MrsSnape · 30/11/2008 20:38

he's 20. This is what I mean, I originally said he was too young for me (I'm approaching 28) and she said "no no, its not a big age gap" and then he goes and acts like this! If I didn't think he was too young before, I certainly do now. Mentally if not physically.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsSnape · 30/11/2008 20:39

I'm bothered because I still have to see him during the week and often have to have close contact with him. It makes things really, really awkward.

OP posts:

Bink · 30/11/2008 20:39

I don't think people's grandparents are this over-protective (yes I know you said the grandmother is over the top, but now we've got the granddad too, so it's not just one person) unless there is something "going on" with their grandson ('too shy' sounds like code).

In which case, try to see this as not about you, but about their desperation to find their grandson a niche where he belongs/friends they think will understand him - you're probably one in a great long line of hopefuls they're spotted. Just keep saying to them that he's not your type, sorry. They'll find another option soon enough.

onepieceoflollipop · 30/11/2008 20:40

Is this "mad woman" still your friend? If so, then seriously consider losing the friendship. If not, then have very firm words with her about butting out and respecting your privacy.

If he is that interested he will make some sort of effort. If he is so unbearably shy/unable to make eye contact perhaps it is not meant to be anyway.

onepieceoflollipop · 30/11/2008 20:42

Ok if you really have to see him, I would suggest approaching him (when he is by himself of course) and say in a very lighthearted, cheerful way that his nan seems to be trying to set the 2 of you up but unfortunately at the moment e.g. you have a dp/aren't looking at the moment/whatever.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 30/11/2008 20:43

Bink, I think you're right. It wasn't that long ago that she was telling me all about a young girl she was trying to pair him up with.

I do feel sorry for him in a way, not just because of this but for a lot of things, he just doesn't seem to have a clue.

Like on friday we were at this karate presentation night, it was a dress-up-posh affair and 'young man' went dressed in his karate club tracksuit whilst all the other men were in suits, shirts and ties etc. I wouldn't be suprised if mad woman told him to wear it saying he'd "Look nice" in it etc. He stood out and was blatently feeling uncomfortable. I do feel for him as he's a nice enough kid but it's not my responsibilty is it?

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 30/11/2008 20:46

YANBU

FFS, this is why people wnd up being rude, they've been far too polite and nice and then it all comes out.

quint · 30/11/2008 20:47

I still can't see why you are so bothered. You have made it clear to the gran that you are not interested in him in that way, it is not your problem. Stop worrying about it and get on with your life!

Original poster

MrsSnape · 30/11/2008 20:49

quint, because I've been accussed of "leading on" before and I can see this heading the same way. I don't want to come across as "The bitch that messed with 'young man's head"

OP posts:

Ronaldinhio · 30/11/2008 20:50

Are we in the early 18th century?

Is this some sort of Austenian joke thread like that good Mary Poppins one?

onepieceoflollipop · 30/11/2008 20:53

Right, when you see him politely ignore him. If he does speak to you (unlikely), keep the conversation to social niceties. No need to mention his mad gps.

Re the grandmother, see my post of 20.40.

quint · 30/11/2008 20:57

OK, but unless I've missed something why does this woman's opinion of you matter so much. If she accuses you of being mean again, laugh and say 'I can't win! One minute I'm leading him on, the next I'm being mean!'

Don't worry so much

Original poster

MrsSnape · 30/11/2008 21:39

I probably do worry too much

The woman is not a friend, she's just the kind of person that forces herself on people. For instance if she sees you walking down the street she stops beside you, winds the window down and asks if you want a lift. If you say no, she goes in a mood!

OP posts:

mabanana · 30/11/2008 21:42

blank her. I bet he's on the autistic spectrum so she's madly protective and he is unable to conform socially. but she is a crazy woman. WHy on EARTH does she have your mobile number?

solidgoldbrass · 30/11/2008 21:42

MrsSnape: you really do need to buy yourself a book on assertiveness or something. WHile I do sympathise and agree that this woman is a complete loony twat (and feel some sympathy for her poor socially-inept grandson) you need to be able to tell people like this to leave you alone, that you do not want a relationship with them, and smile sweetly and not give a fuck what they think.

IN fact, any interaction you have with the madwoman should in future consist of you smiling calmly and saying, 'Please leave me alone' and then walking away.

quint · 30/11/2008 21:46

Poor you Mrs S - just ignore the mad old woman! You don't nee this shit. No need to be rude, just mile sweetly and carry on with your oen thing.

Don't worry about her moods, again not your problem

pania · 30/11/2008 22:23

Have you ever said anything to the grandson himself about this?

Or is it all just some mad game between you and the grndmother?

I can't believe this is still going on!

TheSmallClanger · 30/11/2008 22:46

This sounds very weird. I would have ran away ages ago.
Do you know what the grandson really thinks about all this?

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