to be completely rubbish at running a home/ housekeeping/ all things related

[BarbieLovesKen]

This is embarrasing really and something thats been bothering me for ages.

Our house is filthy I cant understand how we let it get into such an absolute state but we do - its almost constantly at the "oh God dont let anyone call" stage.

I go to other people's homes and they are always so well kept and lovely - and wonder how they do it.

Every few weeks Ill make a big go at it and will scrub out presses/ walls/ skirting boards and pretty much anything I can get my hands on - and will vow to keep it this way yet, 3 days later I'm back to square one.

Our washing is constantly piled sky high e.g. 2 - 3 baskets full plus a pile thrown on the utility floor. Again, Ill spend a whole day and night every now and then at this, will get it down - vow to keep on top of it but 2 days later.....

I used to blame the state of our house on the fact it was so, so tiny and we had so much stuff and no where to put it - we lived in a teeny cottage for a few years, up until July when we moved into the house we spend the last few years building.

This new house is kept exactly the same - its not huge in general, but is huge to me and I cant use the "no room for stuff" excuse anymore. Also, its such a beautiful home and we worked so hard to get it, I cant understand why we cant just take pride in it!!!!.

Im really disgusted in myself to be honest.

Ill often say I/dd need new clothes etc.. only to do one of my big cleans and find lots of clothes just thrown in bottom of wardrobe/ under bed.. its ridiculous.

DH and I do both work full time but I dont think its an excuse at all. We only have 1 dd and I've seen parents with 5 children run a way better house than us. I have never thought myself as being lazy - I seem to always have something to do but maybe I am.

I'm rubbish at cooking but make the odd attempt at it - I have never baked in my life.

Please can anyone help transform us into domestic God and Godess?? its really taken its toll and really taking over our lifes.

Stop buying food, and get a cleaner. Best decision I ever made. Even once a month makes a huge difference.

Having said that, the few times I've had enough storage space i've done OK even though I'm a slattern (and slovenly at that).

I know what you mean, I constantly have a huge pile of washing and a huge pile of ironing. I hoover and mop the downstairs floors everyday but skirting boards, upstairs, bathroom etc gets done as I find it because I am full time student nurse and I work part time and have a 5 year old and husband workls full time shifts, we couldnt afford a cleaner although i have dreamed of it many a time

Get help, either a cleaner or all your family to muck in. Get a little routine going, 2 washes on a day, put things back when you've finished with them etc.
Go for it and have a declutter, do one room at a time or its too much.
My house was a tip but I read some things on the flylady website (after someone commented on what a tip my house was and told e about the website, oh the shame)about where to start and how not to do too much at once and started to tackle it. Its not perfect but if people drop in I am no longer embarrassed and have a clean loo for them to use and a cup to make them tea in AND a sofa free of clutter for them to sit on!!
Can't help with cooking as I love it so don't know what to suggest...

Definitely take a look at flylady.

It has taken me at least 2 years to change my mindset and I'm still not totally up to speed but little things like a wash on every night religiously (we wash overnight to save on the electric) and hung up 1st thing next morning make a huge difference.

Also, FORCING yourself NOT to walk past stuff you see lying around - never leave a room empty-handed.

Something that has made a huge difference to me recently as a fulltime WOM is giving my ironing to my childminder.

She does it while DS2 is asleep in the afternoons, it takes her no time at all and she even sorts the clothes out for me so I can put them away in 2 minutes when I get home.

PS - if you start NOW (ie Monday), with the Flylady "system" of 1 Zone a week, you will have made a dent in it all by Xmas.

wow what a fantastic CM! I think the washing every night is a good idea dn I try to do that and also try to hang out every morning but it always seem to be bloody raining!lol

Sorry chocolate mummy that was a bit too flippant - the point at which I got a cleaner I was single, with no one to feed but myself.

My perception is that it is directly linked to how much the other half does. Now you mention that you're a full time student, and work part time and have a 5 year old. Your husband works"Full time", well so do you. does he pitch in too? If so, I'm not sure what else to suggest.... what about:

1 - My mum sets the alarm for 15 mins to see what she can achieve in that time, works if you feel overwhelmed by the stuff to do.

2 - I also hardly iron at all. Make sure work shirts are done, and very firm folding of dry clothes.

3 - Also, I've just remembered, one of my closest friends and I fold for each other! One woman's chore is another's incidental over gossip/child watching/coffee... sounds daft but we both get through each other's so much faster, and smooth it more thoroughly than we would our own I think....

As to cooking, I really think the best way to learn is to have someone show you - do you have a baking friend/neighbour/someone who could spare you a Saturday morning etc just to do some biscuits and a cake or something? Once you've seen how to do it, and you see how fun it is... also, there are some serious basics, like how to start a meat dish by frying onions and garlic properly, that just begin a million dishes, and everything will just smell good because of those ingredients.

See if you can find someone.

J

thanks million - I expected you to come on and give out to me for not getting off my lazy arse and getting on with it like everyone has to!! I do try though - thats the thing.

There isnt an excuse - I have all mod cons e.g dishwasher/ washing machine/ dryer etc.. its not like the days of my grandmother where everything had to be handwashed and she had 9 kids running around, was ON HER OWN (grandfater died when she was 29), held down a full time job, kept a spotless house, budgeted well, volunteered taking care of an elderly woman down the road who had 2 SN adult children.

Jackaroo - why stop buying food? - I'd love a cleaner tbh but not sure if we could afford - does once a month really help?
I'd probably be the type who'd have to clean the house for the cleaner, before he/she came ifykwim

chocolatmummy - see thats what I'm talking about - you have alot less time on your hands than I do by the sound of it yet you seem to manage it better!.

Pamplemousse - really good point re doing one room at a time - on these "deep clean" sprees of mine I tend to be jumping from room to room and end up becoming completely overwhelmed and saying sod it!. Maybe if I completely revamped one room each weekend it may help.. also will check out that flylady website...

I do think keeping the house clean and tidy, when you have children, is a full time job in its self, i have 14 month old twins and am a stay at home mum.

You never get on top of it, i do one wash a day, and tend to do the cleaning in the morning, so can spend afternoons with the kids, but even doing that there is always something to be done, i would say try and do at least 1/2 hour clean at some point in the day, so at least relativley clean !!

you need lists

wash on before you leave for work and hung up when you get home (and you need to wash once a day at least)

batch cook on weekends so you just defrost a meal on a weekday night

clean the shower etc when you are in it in the mornings

bleach down loos before work

have one day for towel wash and one day for bedding washes

if it would help i would do a load of services washes at the laundrette to get rid of the backlog

4 - Did I mention storage? I got this laundry basket in IKEA and really there is no reason for clothes to hide again... and mine loved hiding......... www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/products/70116511 one side for colours, one for whites.

If every bedroom has a laundry basket, and every room has a bin, and a nice basket/laundry basket for putting "stuff" in, then you just focus on emptying those.........www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/products/80119651 www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/products/10087738 [[

5 - Storage part II - get everyone used to where things shoudl go and don't be the only person responsible for getting things back to normal. I just saw an 18 month old on TV putting their cereal bowl and sppon in the sink :-)
and make it pretty/fun/easy.www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/products/90098506 a quick splurge at ikea etc, for 50 quid you can get an awful lot of useful things for putting things in (but nothing with too many compartments, you'll never use them).I don't really like IKEA, but it's made clearning up a darn site easier.

I'll shut up now, walk over the detritus and go to bed ....... it's 11pm here.

J

haventsleptforayear - really like the never leaving a room empty handed idea!!

Also Jackaroo, my dh tells me he can bake (although I've never seen it!!lol) so have just mentioned it to him and he said he'd love us both to give it a go during the week!. I'd love to be able to make biscuits etc.. with dd over Christmas - think its such a lovely thing to do with your children.

I kinda know how you feel. My house isnt dirty but the majority of the time its a tip and looks like a bombs hit it. The lounge is always over flowing with paper work. Both mine and the dc's bedrooms are always piled high with mountains of clean wasihing that need to be put away.... and then there are also other piles of clothes that the kids have grown out of and need to find a new home. The bathroom has far too many toiletrties in it and the porch and hallway just have junk in them. It did used to be even worse than this. I have decided to tackle one room at a time. So Im focusing on the lounge atm. Im trying to find a place for everything to go so that when it has to be put away I know where it has to go. Im getting a desk with a built in filing cabinet so that I can file all the necessairy paperwork away and put things in it as they arrive in the post rather than letting a huge pile mount up on the table rendering it useless for meals. That should hopefully sort the lounge. Then with the bedrooms its just a case of going through everything we have, seeing if we need it and putting it away and improving on the storage we have. the porch needs de-cluttering and the bathroom more storage. I think its just a case of making sure everything has its own place and getting rid of the stuff you dont need. With the washing I try and keep on top of it. Ie not letting the washing basket get full. Perhaps if you have several baskets you could designate one for light clothing, another for dark and another for coloured so that as each family member wears something they can put it in the right washing basket saving you time as you wont have to sort the seperate loads out before you wash them. I have a blind friend who does this with her family. Is there any way you could split chores between you. Your dh could do washing up, you could do the cooking, your dh could do the hoovering, you could do the washing. You could even get you dd involved. She can be responsible for cleaning her bedroom, polishing, setting the table at meal times, helping to put things away etc.
I can sympathise with the cooking because Im crap at it too, but Im getting better. I find mince quite an easy thing to cook with, you make a shepherds pie, chillie, bolognese. all of which are quite simple and after cooking them a few times no thought really needs to go into making them. Also have you tried a slow cooker. You can bung everything in it before you go to work in the morning and come home to your dinner! Hope some of that helps and if nothing else I would like to let you know your not alone. I wish my hosue looked like a show home but unfortunatly being a single mum of 2 under 2 and doing a degree is not always compatable with an imaculate home. Dont beat your self up about it. Just try and make small changes as they can make huge amounts of difference.

If you write yourself a list of things you will do every day no matter what - and display it prominently - it will help you to keep on top of things. On my list would be:

1. Put a load of washing on
2. Clear bedroom of dirty clothes (EVERYONE should be doing this - even my 2 year old knows where to put his dirty laundry)
3. Dishwasher running and all kitchen surfaces wiped down before bed

Then you can add to it as time goes on.

I agree with Jackaroo about storage - if you don't have proper places for things, or if it is time consuming to put things in their proper place, then you never put things away. I also agree that this is not just your problem - it is a family responsibility to take care of the house. Make sure there are things your DS and your DH have to do every day as well. It has taken me a long time to train my DH out of his 'mum will do it' ways (grr at MIL!) but he is pretty good now. You may do more cleaning but everyone should be picking up after themselves at least.

lol jackaroo!, you've been so helpful - thank you. My dd is so good though, shes only 3 and would always put her dishes in the sink, washing in basket etc.. dunno where she gets it from though

rubyslippers - by lists do you think introducing a rota type thing into the house would be an idea? or is that too childish?

every morning while dc have breakfast i have a wee list of things in my head i do.

mainly

stick washing on
brush /hoover main living area incase of visitors
load dishwasher
check bogs for skid marks.

and having plenty of space for your junk(everyone has junk piles) is different from organising it.

my lpaperworks to be filed goes in a drawer at front door which gets emptied and sorted into filing units when i can no longer shut cupboards door.

kids toys are in giant tubs with lids from poundstore. and every night and morning before we go out door i make the kids throw them all back in them.

in your bathroom and kitchen dont have loads of stuff on "show"

have plenty of storage in your bathroom for perfumes and shaving gells.

then when you go to tidy you simply throw everything in cupboards and wipe shelves/windowledges. if you have to move things wipe around and move them back it takes twice as long.

same applies in kitchen. have the essentials out and everthing else away. kitchen utensils will be better off in cupboard as will mugs than on mug trees. saves them getting dusty or providing obsticles for you to wipe round.

I would scrap the intense 'deep cleans' (who cleans their skirtingboards?) and concentrate on the key areas of your home.

Mine is the kitchen and the living room, where we spend most time. I also make sure the loos are bleached and free from skidoos. These areas don't take much time each day, then I will blitz one of the kids rooms (we have 3) or my bedroom each week.

So I know once a month their room get a reallly good sort out. It takes about an hour.

But doon't beat yourself up. Those friends you visit have probably been clearing up for ages before you arrived. We've all got piles of washing eveywhere x

Oh yes and have a massive clear out - there is no point in having too much stuff and just moving it round. Be brutal.

rota is fine

sometimes, you just need to see what needs to be done and which chores are done my who

My 2.5 year old helps clean and tidy as well

as far as I know its a website that gives tips on how to keep house clean, certain things on certain days to do and so on (I think?) I've never went on it before but have seen it mentioned on here before - forgot abou it until now!!.

I find it a little patronising tbh but the ideas are fab, and the way of clearing/sorting before you even start.
Also I clean for a couple of people only once a month and do the jobs they don't like much and just get left, like cleaning the skirting boards!!! It makes a difference, I charge £7 per hour and can get a lot done in 2 hours. If you can afford it it might relieve you a bit.
But first step is definately decluttering, as someone else has said why add extra clutter you don't need to the mountain of stuff you do need to do?!
Good luck

Come and join us on the fly thread, we try and keep each other motivated.

If you can see past the patronising american drivel of the web site Fly lasy is a great system.

You set a morning and evening routine

Ie Morning

Get up and dressed
Make bed
Empty disheasher
Empty washer to dryer
Put another load in washer

Evening
Put on DW
Put washer on
Lay clothes out for tomorrow

Also you clean one room a week and there is also lists of things on there

Daily missions and also 15 minutes to do things.

It has saved me. My house was a tip, now it is always presentable. Not tidy all the time, but mainly clean and can be brought under control in 15 mins most of the time.

be brutal with the crap you have aquired. if you don't use it sell it or chuck it.

when you come down in the morning put a load in the washer, when it's dry put it away. when doing that go through 1 drawer and get rid of clothes that you don't wear or doesn't fit.

i sweep the kitchen floor when dinner is cooking, iron watching tv, and tidy and hoover the living room whilst DH puts DD to bed.

wash pots as you use them don't let them build up or put them straight in the dishwasher.

i wipe round the bathroom when i'm getting ready in the morning and empty the bins everyday. when i have finished with something i put it away, and have a file where paper work is kept. it means that when i need to tax the car i know where the insurance certificate is for example. pay bills the day they come or set up direct debits so that you are upto date.

i clean the windows twice a month, the day that the window cleaner does the outside i do inside.

my house is in no way spotless but i'm never embarrassed if people drop by unexpectedly