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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that she stole our name

59 replies

Naive · 29/11/2008 15:05

When we had DS we really liked a girls name so because we never got to use it and because we're trying for another baby very soon (DS is a few months old) we decided we would call the next baby that if it's a girl. We told DP's friends this, not realising they were expecting. They didn't even know at that point.

DP is part of a big group of friends who are sort of well known and well liked in the town, particularly for people of our age range.

They have gone and called their baby the name we love, so now we can't call our baby that as everyone will think we copied and it's already taken now.

I'm not angry or anything, I'm just miffed and deflated.

AIBU?

OP posts:
georgimama · 29/11/2008 15:31

What me? Have you read very much of Mumsnet? When people have actual problems they get support, compassion and amazing responses from a group of incredible people.

When people are silly and precious they get the piss ripped out of them. You've got off lightly, truly.

Ronaldinhio · 29/11/2008 15:32

yabu

it's just a name

btw the names we had for both dds went out the window when they were born

hecate · 29/11/2008 15:32

look, you feel the way you feel is it reasonable? is it unreasonable? It is illogical. The facts are that anyone can call their child anything they like and you can't reserve a name. You could still call your child that - if you get pregnant and if it's a girl - there's no law that a name may not be repeated within a group of friends

However. You are human. And it is human to, at times, be miffed over unreasonable silly things that you know make no sense. So I don't think you are unreasonable to be having a little whinge about it, not at all.

ilovejonty · 29/11/2008 15:34

No need to get nasty, take it all with a pinch of salt.

ChukkyPig · 29/11/2008 15:35

I know what, next time she is PG tell her your favourite names in the world are then wait...

Job done!

Ronaldinhio · 29/11/2008 15:35

naive didn't you have a aibu thread last week where you were very upset when anyone disagreed with you?

Straight line learning curve??

ilovejonty · 29/11/2008 15:36

well said hecate!

noonar · 29/11/2008 15:36

naive, i'd be upset too if i knew for sure that they knew it was my top girls name, but not if it was a really popular name like 'jack' or 'molly' which anyone might have picked. is it an usual name that you definately put into their heads?...

...so i sympathise...

...but i also pmsl@ birds. sorry.

noonar · 29/11/2008 15:37

'T birds'

edam · 29/11/2008 15:38

Naive, how old are you? Only you sound about six. Don't be so daft!

Ronald, at straight line learning curve.

AbbaFan · 29/11/2008 15:38

By the time you have your 2nd - you will have probably gone off it anyway.

Thats if you even have a girl!

Snaf · 29/11/2008 15:41

Tell Us What It Is.

Only then can we decide whether or not YABU...

Marne · 29/11/2008 15:43

I was upset when my friend used the name i chose for a boy (i have 2 girls) but i think i would still use the name if i had a boy. I dont think YABU to be a little upset.

Turniphead1 · 29/11/2008 15:44

If it makes you feel any better - when I was pg with DD - I didn't know the sex and so had a boys name lined up. Come the birth of D/S two years later, that same name didn't feature on my list at all. I am now pregnant again and the girls name that we didn't use on D/S - doesn't even feature at all...

Lots of people encounter this. I can understand why you are a little sad - but honestly, who knows what the future would bring.

There is only one name in the whole world I feel "banned" from using and that is Jospeh. My sister (currently single and childless) "bagsied" it when she was 14 and I still feel her bagsy is in force / Don't know why. Tis a sister thing....

dougal3 · 29/11/2008 15:45

Naive - If you tell us what it is, then everyone in the world will use it and they will look as though they were hideously unoriginal.
You may well feel miffed but I think poster who said you'd probably have changed your mind when/if you had a girl is right.

piscesmoon · 29/11/2008 15:49

I don't see a problem with it-why would it matter if it looked as if you copied? If you like the name the rest is irrelevant.

Ashantai · 29/11/2008 19:24

Its probably gonna be sods law that you give birth to a load of boys anyway . Of the millions of girls names are you really sure you couldnt pick another one?

MarlaSinger · 29/11/2008 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalo12 · 29/11/2008 19:31

its annoying but there are loads of nice names and new babies bring their own names, so this name you liked before, its out of date now cos you were considering it for your other child.

i get annoyed with a friend who copies things i do so i understand how you feel but you will find a nicer name

what about Violet - just to start the ball rolling

teddygrowlsunderthesofa · 29/11/2008 19:36

It's OK to feel sad about it but not to be angry, IMO. You truly can't keep a name just for your daughter, especially when you may never have a daughter.

With our second child we could not agree one ONE name, dh and I (ended up with a compromise we both 'don't hate' rather than loving) - and if we had found one name we loved and the only obstacle was that someone else liked it too - we would have used it. You might not even stay in the same town as these people forever, so even the practical issue of having two girls with the same name in a close circle might not last.

It is OK to feel a bit sad about if you think this means you won't want to use that name as much. But truly it is not OK to be angry and feel hard-done-by. It's just bad luck!

teddygrowlsunderthesofa · 29/11/2008 19:37

You do say you're not angry - sorry had missed that - but I would still say OK to the deflated but not to the miffed! Nothing to be miffed about, but I can understand the deflation.

TheNewsMongersGeansaiNollag · 29/11/2008 19:46

I think you're being hard on the OP.

About 7 yrs ago when I was prg I was out for a curry with a bunch of girls from work, and one of them was also prg. Talk turned to names. I suggest a few, Gregor for a boy was one that she laughed so much at, she had to get out a tissue and wipe her eyes. She took the micky out of the name quite rudely. She also mocked every other name on my list too.

Then fast forward 3 yrs, she called her second child Gregor. I couldn't believe my ears when that piece of news reached me!!

I bet that she has NO recollection of laughing at me when I said I was considering it. (i didn't use it, so she didn't steal it) but it is funny how people genuinely forget how or why or when a name cropped into their consciousness. It was stored there, in the back of her mind for a while and then, the next time she heard the name, she thought, oooh, what a fabulous idea of mine?

does that make sense OP? Ihope it helps.

hifi · 29/11/2008 19:52

yabu, pmsl at tbirds.

georgimama · 29/11/2008 20:04

But the OP isn't pregnant, Newsmonger. She seems to expect this name to be kept reserved for her in case she does have a daughter at some point in the future.

The woman you were talking to was just rude and strange.

Merrylegs · 29/11/2008 20:05

So DS is a few months old. You told your friends what you would call your next baby if it was a girl. They didn't know at the time they were expecting. Now they have had their baby. So presumably that took about 9 months? But your DS is still a few months old? Am confused.com How old are all these babies?

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