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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with my friend for refusing my offer of a free xmas tree ??

33 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 17:00

She is absolutly broke, and I mean broke as in house close to being repossessed, piles of bills as high as anything, baliffs at door etc etc.

The situation will soon start to improve as she has just got a fulltime job, but it will be ages beofe they are anywhere near back to normal.

She has 2 kids and so far hasn't brought any xmas presents for them.

Anyhow, last week she mentions that they need to buy a tree as they threw last years away.
I had been thinking of buying a new tree, as although mine is in good condition, I really wanted a pre lit one to save me struggling with the lights on my own again.

So, I went and brought one and when she rang earlier, I asked her if she still needed a tree, she said yes and so I offered them mine.

She said 'oh well we wanted a 6ft one'. I said, 'it is 6ft'.

She then asks me what my new one is like, so I told her, and also told her how much it cost (£28), and she said, 'well we'd like to buy one so we might try and get a pre lit one like you'.

I said it was fine up to them, but the offer was there if they changed their minds.

I know it is their money, life etc, but fgs, why go and spend money on a tree when you cannot pay your mortgage, and you have been offered one for free.

I wouldn't even mind if she had it, used it for one year and then chucked it when they can afford new next year.

OP posts:
NewNameOtherOneWasObvious · 28/11/2008 17:02

I'd be annoyed especially as I'm sure there are constant comments about lack of money, what am I going to do etc??
Ah well - you tried didn't you

Tortington · 28/11/2008 17:02

it takes all sorts

IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 17:05

It is annoying yes.

As I said, she hasn't yet got her kids any presents, but when we were in town the other day, she brought Mama Mia dvd for herself.
If she really hadn't wanted to put that tenner towards a bill, you'd have thought she'd at least use it to buy a present.

I just find it odd.

She has said plenty of times ow she thinks I am amazing because I pay my bills on time and budget for things needed, but I don't think that is amazing, I think it is normal.

OP posts:
sep1712 · 28/11/2008 17:05

I'd be very grateful and grab your hand off even if i wasn't broke. Where do you live???

TheProvincialLady · 28/11/2008 17:06

Well it's fairly obvious why she is probably going to lose her house now isn't it, so you can stop feeling sorry for her from now on anyway.

IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 17:06

West Mids

I'd offer it on here but have just mentioned it to my dad and he said he'd like it.

OP posts:
rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 28/11/2008 17:07

sometimes people are so deep in debt they get into a mindset of "sod it, i am broke so what is another tenner here"

piscesmoon · 28/11/2008 17:08

She obviously has no money sense-at least you tried.

IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 17:09

Don't get me wrong, the problems with money aren't all due to them spending lots. Basically she gave up a fulltime job 3 years ago to do a degree course and then didn't get the bursary she'd been expecting, so it has been a very rough 3 years, but they have most definatly made it 100 times harder for themselves.

I regularly give her clothes for her dd, worn stuff but in fab condition, as anything less than that gets chucked, but I rarely see her dd in the stuff, and it doesn't stop her going out and buying her half of Next when she doesn't need it.

OP posts:
hullygully · 28/11/2008 17:10

It is absolutely her business how she organises her life. It was really nice of you to offer the tree, but whether she wants it or not and how she does or doesn't spend her money is entirely up to her. It is insane to be upset.

sep1712 · 28/11/2008 17:11

oh what a shame i'm in west mids aswell!!!
Nice try anyway!!
Must send hubby out again under the cover of darkness to dig one up!!! LOL

IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 17:13

Oh no, sorry Sep. I nearly fell over when my dad asked for it, as he is the bah humbug type, so I was really surprised.

Hully, I know I shouldn't be upset and i'm not, more angry because they are making their situation worse.

But you are right, it is their money so it's up to them.

OP posts:
ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 28/11/2008 17:36

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IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 17:42

If you bother to read the thread instead of diving right in, you will see that I have said that I know it is their money and they can spend it how they wish.

I am worried that they may lose their fucking home fgs and I just wish they would worry about it a bit more thats all.

OP posts:
jujumaman · 28/11/2008 17:46

hedgewitch

Because we all say yabu to judge how people spend their money is why this country is in a godawful mess. If we were a bit more judgemental about how people jizz their cash away on clothes and dvds when they can't pay their bills then they might not do it so much.

So OP YAB totally U

jujumaman · 28/11/2008 17:46

Sorry I meant YANB at all u

pointydog · 28/11/2008 17:49

ah well, there are all sorts of emotions going on to do with desires and dreams and frustrations, none of them necessarily sensible nor logical.

YAB a bit U. Let it lie.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 28/11/2008 17:53

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IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 17:57

I haven't assumed she isn't worried, and for what it's worth I do know exactly what it is like to actually go through having your home repossessed, not just worry it might happen.

OP posts:
JustKeepSwimming · 28/11/2008 18:02

I don;t think you are BU, but like others have said, not much you can do about it really.
you tried.

btw where did you get the 28 pre-lit one from???
want one myself but saw one for £99 in B&Q so it put me off!

IllegallyBrunette · 28/11/2008 18:06

The pre lit tree was from Woolies. It should have been £35 but they gave me a 20% off voucher.

Which letter do you mean ??

OP posts:
ithinkimtallandblonde · 28/11/2008 19:17

YABU its her business. Nice of you to offer though.

cat64 · 28/11/2008 19:48

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BitOfFun · 28/11/2008 19:57

It sounds like good old-fashioned stupid head-in-the-sand pride to me...maybe she doesn't like feeling you might be looking down on her? YANBU, but YA from her point of view if that makes sense?

Mutt · 28/11/2008 20:02

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.