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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to put my name on the envelope

36 replies

beansmum · 28/11/2008 14:41

Everyone at ds's nursery was given a little note asking for contributions for a xmas presssie for the teachers. In the note it says please place it in an envelope and write your name and your child's name on the front. It was underlined in the note btw. Why do they need to know who gave what? Are they only going to sign the card from your child if you give money? It just seems unnecessary and a bit nosy. AIBU to put my contribution in a plain envelope with no name on it? Will ds be left off the card?

OP posts:
donnie · 28/11/2008 14:43

it will be so they (the class reps) can keep track of who has paid and who hasn't. It's a minefield, I tell you!

rookiemater · 28/11/2008 14:43

Methinks you are overanalyzing somewhat. Presumably this is required so you can either sign a card or to make sure they haven't missed anyone. If you are worried that they will judge you on how much you put in then wait until the collection has been round a few people so it will be hard to tell.

jumpingbeans · 28/11/2008 14:46

take a sticky lable, put your name over one that looks a bit weighty, honestly, just put your money in and put your name on it and don't give it another thought.

Original poster
beansmum · 28/11/2008 14:49

I just think it's weird. Why does it matter if someone signs the card who hasn't put money in?

OP posts:
smugmarried · 28/11/2008 14:53

Because a card should be from the people who sent it, not from people who signed the card to make it look as though they made a contribution

piscesmoon · 28/11/2008 14:54

The organisers need to keep track of who they have asked so that they don't leave someone out, who will get offended, or bother someone more than once. It is very simple to comply, collecting is a thankless task!

Original poster
beansmum · 28/11/2008 15:02

They asked us by putting an envelope in every pigeon hole, so it's not possible they have missed anyone. I suppose there may be people who don't want to donate because they think the teachers are rubbish and they wouldn't want to be put on the card by mistake. hmm. I don't really care tbh. I just thought it was strange, especially the underlining, followed by 'there is no obligation to contribute, but we'll know and judge you forever'. It may not have used those exact words.

OP posts:
ramonaquimby · 28/11/2008 15:05

I have collected xmas money for vouchers for the past 3 years - am not doing it this year (thankless task indeed)

tho I never asked people to write their names down, that seems a bit ott - I just waved the envelope in front of people at home time for a few weeks

piscesmoon · 28/11/2008 15:13

I don't think those collecting are bothered if you give or not. However I think it is a bit of a cheat to put your name on a card, to make it look as if you contributed when you didn't.

Original poster
beansmum · 28/11/2008 15:18

The card is going to be from the children. I do think it would be a bit cheeky to sign a card when you havn't contributed, but as long as most people who sign have given something it doesn't actually matter does it? I just don't understand why they need to know who has given what.

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 28/11/2008 15:20

surely if you want to give a gift to anyone then you will - to be asked to give money for a gift for a teachers seems rude
I have never been asked to give money at the school or nursery where my dd has attended.

I would really like to receive a gift that has been thought about and given freely - not people being arm twisted into giving money under obligation

Original poster
beansmum · 28/11/2008 15:24

I think it's quite sensible to collect money from everyone and then get one big present instead of each teacher getting a lot of crappy little things. It's just a couple of parents who are organising it, nothing to do with the school.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 28/11/2008 15:35

If you want to give a present yourself, you just need to tell the organisers, I'm sure they won't mind.
If you like the idea but don't like the way it is being done then volunteer early next year and do it your way.

ramonaquimby · 28/11/2008 15:49

ivykaty44 - the idea is instead of 25 bottles of wine/boxes of choc/tat the teachers get a voucher from somewhere - not rude at all. it's an opt in thing - completely voluntary.

Buda · 28/11/2008 15:53

I'm a class rep for my DS's class and we do this. It is just so we can keep track of who has given so we don't keep hassling them. Most parents want us to know they have contributed too.

Umlellala · 28/11/2008 15:54

Oh but speaking as a neglected, secondary teacher, I would rather a tacky beautiful ornament from the pound shop and a handwritten card, personally.

My favourite was one that said 'bye ms umlellala, you have teached us good this year'. Not that 'good', obviously.

Original poster
beansmum · 28/11/2008 16:00

Buda - Why would you need to hassle anyone? If everyone knows about it (which they do in this case) and everyone knows when and where to return the money to why would you ask anyone again?

OP posts:
lisasimpson · 28/11/2008 16:17

I totally agree beansmum. Nobody should be 'hassled' I think a voluntary contribution should be just this - voluntary. What's more I would be well chuffed with 25 bottles of wine!

Ivykaty44 · 28/11/2008 16:24

Thing is to me if 25 people gave me 25 presents whether they be homemade, bottles of wine then I would think that was really rather special as those 25 people had thought about me and got me a little something. I would wonder if they had made the jesture as duty bound or gien willingly and that part would make me feel uncomfortable.

Things like that happen to milkmen, postman and hairdressers all the time, they get given little presents, never heard of collections for them at christmas

The going round rounding up the money makes it all to my mind contrived and takes away the personel element. Umlellal had the personel touch and has remembered that.

Buda · 28/11/2008 16:25

Hassle prob not the right word - it's just easier to keep track if you have the names of who has contributed - with our class everyone does as everyone likes the system (we do the same for birthday presents for children if all the children have been invited to a party). If someone doesn't want to contribute then that is fine. Sometimes people do want to do their own thing.

thenewme · 28/11/2008 16:26

If it is other mother's asking you to put your name on you can be sure they will notice who gave what.

Original poster
beansmum · 28/11/2008 16:32

Keep track of what? Why?

OP posts:
Miggsie · 28/11/2008 16:37

This has just happened to me.
I have recieved a note asking parents to contribute towards a teacher present, to which I have no objection, but they have asked to wirte the childs name and amount enclosed on the front of the envelope, and I must admit I'd rather not. I'm thinking of just putting money in the envelope and not writing on it.

I don't see why they need to know how much everyone gave?

I don't mind if people who don't contribute sign the card really.

smugmarried · 28/11/2008 16:49

Beansmum you seem very annoyed about the whole thing, why don't you simply ask the organiser to clarify.

Squirdle · 28/11/2008 16:52

Why can't they just put on the card 'From all the children'? Maybe some people may not be able to afford to give anything or very much, but would feel they had to if names were checked. It wouldn't bother me if someone signed a card when they hadn't contributed, I'd just assume things were a bit difficult for them atm.

I had thought of suggesting this at my sons nursery, but i really can't be bothered!