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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up about never having any money even though DH earns (just) over £100k?

589 replies

MakemineaGandT · 26/11/2008 21:15

I know it sounds like a lot, but with a big mortgage and all the other usual bills we have very little disposable cash.

We don't have a cleaner or any other kind of help

Neither of us has had any new clothes for at least 18 months

We spend £100 a week on groceries, so hardly extravagant

We haven't been on holiday for 3 years

We do all DIY etc ourselves

We've been out twice this YEAR

I just don't know how we can cut back. It feels as though we are working so hard and yet we are always struggling.

It makes me really annoyed when I see comments (for example on that taxing over £150k thread) about the "super rich") - I guess on paper we look "rich" but it certainly doesn't feel like it!

OP posts:
tinierclanger · 27/11/2008 11:11

People make choices don't they? Eg DP and I could both be earning more, but we choose to have less stressful careers and as a result earn less. Likewise, we could borrow a lot more and have a much bigger swankier house, but we chose to buy this one so that we wouldn't be struggling to fund other parts of our lifestyle.

So I don't have a huge amount of sympathy for the 'we have a massive mortgage' issue.

That said, guess I would feel fed up too if we had that amount of money coming in and still couldn't afford a cleaner!

dsrplus8 · 27/11/2008 11:11

VS ,some people just dont have the same chances /choices in life.not everyone can go to uni, some of us had family members(pre kids)to look after because of illness or diability,and not every one who goes to uni ends up with a fabulous salary, my friend who has a degree by the way, is slogging her guts out at uni for a second time doing a post graduate course to try her upmost to increase her earnings.desperate situation the girl is in, shes a mental health nurse and earns less than i do,and has an awful morgage to pay, her dp left her with huge debts and no financial help(csa cant help as he works abroad).it wasnt her fault he chose to cheat on her and abandon her and their dc.she earns too much for tax credits,but not enough to cover her bills/mor.sometimes she cant buy food for her daughter and has to ask freinds and family to help.she cant sell the house as no one is buying and cant afford the estate agents/lawyers/survey.she cant get a council house as she already has a home,dont be too quick to asume that everyone on around 20k is on benifits of some kind,shes always worked, irony is if she was on benifits and didnt work she would have less income but more would be disposible ,so shed have less of a struggle.i think ops post is offencive to people that have guenuine cash problems.shes moaning cause she cant afford clothes ffsake! has the woman never shopped in asda/primark or second hand stores???its not like she has to pawn her wedding ring to feed her child!!!!

Oblomov · 27/11/2008 11:14

fio, never said they didn't.

SOME of what we earn comes down to hindrances placed on us. ALOT comes down to the choices we make. and made.
ALOT OF US could have studied more for a levels , got better grades, chosen a different career. chosen to ebcome accountant, plasterer. chosen not have married. chosen to have children. go on a open uni course/

stop blaming tothers/the world, for the salary bracket you are in.

the op, dh, may have worked his nuts off for years. he may let her down , for office meeting, regularly. most people who make bug salaries have had to sacrifice something, somewhere along the lines.

VictorianSqualor · 27/11/2008 11:15

dsrplus8.

I did say that people who have to care for someone are not in the same boat.

I don't know your friend's situation but there are more than likely things she can do to make things easier for herself, just like there are for the OP.

alfiemama · 27/11/2008 11:19

But the op didnt ask for advice, she asked whether she was unreasonable to think that way, and she got a resounding answer.

FioFio · 27/11/2008 11:21

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VictorianSqualor · 27/11/2008 11:26

True fio but the ceiling is normally quite a bit higher than salaries people mention here.

Notintheknow · 27/11/2008 11:28

Hmm, well for what it's worth, I do think YABU to complain about it. As myriad people have underlined it's all about how you choose to spend your money and 100k is a lot of dosh in anyone's book.

Having said that, I'm in a similar position and I do get quite pissed off with constantly being told how lucky I am and how easy my DH and I have it. We worked (and still work) incredibly hard to get where we are, we've never been extravagant or overspent and we're always generous to friends/family. I have friends/relatives who constantly tell me how lucky I am and complain about their debts but who do all their shopping at waitrose, pay for expensive gym memberships that they never use, buy what I would consider to be luxury items on credit because they want them 'now' rather than saving.

Now, before anyone rips my head off (in a virtual sense) I know that there are masses of people posting here who are genuinely really hard up. This isn't directed at them because generally they aren't the people who are always moaning.

Oblomov · 27/11/2008 11:30

i can afford a cleaner
my lovely babysitter has just come and cleaned my house and done all my ironing.
for £20
when you have just had a CS, this is money well spent.
i can afford a cleaner and we earn nowhere near 100k.

don't understand what op's problem is.

FioFio · 27/11/2008 11:32

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alfiemama · 27/11/2008 11:34

Money can be tied up in property, I knew a lovely oldish couple who owned a fabulous stately home in Scotland, they didnt have a brass farthing to rub together, they shopped in charity shops but they where happy and lived simple lifes eating their Aldi food one at one end of the huge dining table and the other at the other end in there huge great ball room/dining room, I kid you not.

But that was there choice

dsrplus8 · 27/11/2008 11:36

notintheknow spot on there! vs i know u said about carers, but its not always a choice to be a carer,most just have to get on with it ,it isnt a position anyone would choose if they had a choice.it just seems an unfair world at times...

glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 27/11/2008 11:36

We survive on less than a quarter of your income, with 2DC's, a mortgage, paying of a heafty amount of debts.... we eat more than well enough, get to go out (even if its only to the pictures every few weeks)... and fair enough we haven't been on a 'holiday' but we manage nice weeks away to visit family in london, and probably spend the same amount on fuel, and shopping etc while there as we would on a cheap holiday abroad... i'm afraid i can't have any sympathy... You learn to live within your means, and if your so hard up and can't take holidays you want to, then get a part-time job or something to pay for the things you want... makes perfect sence to me!!

Oblomov · 27/11/2008 11:38

i agree fio.
i do not think there are ALOT of 100k jobs around.
but lots of people, like you and me, live very comfortably on a lot less. we want for nothing.
as others have joked. its called budgeting. living within your means. if you earn 20k, you can spend 20k. if you earn 75k, guess how much you have available. not rocket science.

Oblomov · 27/11/2008 11:40

ds2. 2nd cs, fio. i am fine.

FioFio · 27/11/2008 11:40

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HeadFairy · 27/11/2008 11:48

Without wanting to fan the flames...

dh and I earn about £80k between us, that's about £4,400 a month, and there's not a lot left over at the end of the month, but I know we could make savings, currently though I just choose not to. Well actually it's dh who chooses not to, but that's another story.

Out of our £4400 we spend (approx)

About £400 a month on food
£900 a month on mortgage (currently our payments are about £780 but we're deliberately over paying)
£600 childcare
£100 utilities
£100 council tax
£100 other bills (life insurance, house insurance etc)
£400 loan payments (dh's from previous life, nearly paid off yay!)
£200 dh's credit cards (ditto!)
£500 commuting and travel costs excl petrol
£200 petrol and car maintenance
£200 savings (spent most months usually on household maintenance, this month it's going towards the electricians bill )

So you see at the end of it, we've got about £700 left for clothes and other expenses. Last week someone put a brick through my windscreen and it cost me £500 to fix it, so that's all it takes to wipe out any left overs we have.

I do agree, it's a lot of money, but it's definitely not enough to afford yachts and 5 foreign holidays a year. We can't afford to move to a house (we're currently in a flat) without making quite a few sacrifices (which we will do when the time is right, we're waiting for the housing market to settle) We've got one 13 year old car, replacing it will be hard for us, but we've got to as our one is dying a death. However we are comfortable, I don't have to decide between eating or heating and I feel anyone having to make those choices in our modern world is terrible. The wider problem is that we're having to compete on wage terms with China and India, where the cost of living is much lower so they can afford to pay lower wages.

giantkatestacks · 27/11/2008 11:49

oblomov - glad to hear you're getting some help...hope things are going better

[sorry for hijack]

alfiemama · 27/11/2008 11:57

To me its not really about the amount anyone is on, its the fact that op complained about holidays, diy, and cleaners. When there are people who are looking at not being able to pay the mortgages (and no not me luckily before anyone starts)lol

HeadFairy · 27/11/2008 11:58

It's one of those complaints you should keep to yourself I think. Voicing it on a public forum is a bit naive.

VictorianSqualor · 27/11/2008 11:59

She wasn't complaining about holidays and DIY though. She was just explaining that they don't spend out like people would assume.

ohIdoliketobebesidethe · 27/11/2008 12:02

She complained about not having those things in the context of everyone assuming they should be living a life of luxury. It IS annoying if people assume that because you are rich on paper you should have a lot of disposable income.

FioFio · 27/11/2008 12:04

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alfiemama · 27/11/2008 12:06

Headfairy is totally correct we all have quibbles, but we dont voice them to everyone. We count ourself lucky.

Like I said its not the amount of the money, its the fact that people feel sorry for themselves.

dsrplus8 · 27/11/2008 12:09

anther point ive thought of, her dh earns 100k, is he being decent and giving her cash for herself & dc(assuming she doesnt work herself).if not ,we are missing the ops point that her dh is loaded but tighter than two coats of paint!!!