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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up about never having any money even though DH earns (just) over £100k?

589 replies

MakemineaGandT · 26/11/2008 21:15

I know it sounds like a lot, but with a big mortgage and all the other usual bills we have very little disposable cash.

We don't have a cleaner or any other kind of help

Neither of us has had any new clothes for at least 18 months

We spend £100 a week on groceries, so hardly extravagant

We haven't been on holiday for 3 years

We do all DIY etc ourselves

We've been out twice this YEAR

I just don't know how we can cut back. It feels as though we are working so hard and yet we are always struggling.

It makes me really annoyed when I see comments (for example on that taxing over £150k thread) about the "super rich") - I guess on paper we look "rich" but it certainly doesn't feel like it!

OP posts:
solo · 27/11/2008 00:47

Treedelivery, I brought a new baby home to a house with no heating or hot water because my boiler had literally died of old age. We lived that way for a year and was finally given a grant for a new boiler by the council.
I have a mortgage and am not a single penny in arears(touches wood), but I don't have an emergency fund. If something goes wrong, I'm in the crap!

solo · 27/11/2008 00:48

*arrears

Quattrocento · 27/11/2008 00:51

That's a good site - thank you for posting it.

To the OP. The honest reality is that you are wealthy as a family. It is a sad indictment of our society that even the wealthy feel poor. There are two possible solutions - not mutually exclusive:

  1. Develop a sense of perspective and improve your budgeting
  2. Get a job yourself
solo · 27/11/2008 00:53

TheLadyEvenstar, you just do what you have to do ~ don't you? It is attitude and I've dedfinitely changed mine!

solo · 27/11/2008 00:54

My fingers can't type...off to bed!

dsrplus8 · 27/11/2008 00:55

solo ,ladyevenstar....how cool are you? well done girls im soooooo impressed, i thought i was doing not too bad on £150 a week for my army of 10 (thats me, dh,and 8 kids)but thats just groceries and nappies for dd4, not clothes and shoes. op what are you moaning about??? ive got about £30k a year to live on and im doing ok, so what if weve not had a holiday in the last 10 years?, theyre just extras anyway,..you dont actually need holidays.ive got my beautiful kids my dh ,enough to pay the bills and get the wee ones what they need,what else could i possibly want??

treedelivery · 27/11/2008 00:56

I think that there is the worry - if something goes wrong.
I've had this always so am used to it, but would rather be in a different place.

Can't moan as know mum woul dsell her body to bail me if it came to the wire.

Have to be hones, and don't want to be patronising to the OP - but Lord a £100k!!! Thats like 3 years and some in our house. Oh I wouldn't know where to start - although I would actually.

Washable NAPPIES!!!!!!

EachPeachPearMum · 27/11/2008 00:56

erm ladyevenstar plenty of people on this thread can budget.
NAO has 6 children- of course she spends a lot on groceries- she has a lot of mouths inc teenagers to feed!
As people point out (solo, torya) it is hard work and time-consuming to constantly have to be searching the best price.
I am heavily pg, work full-time, and do not have the time to shop in 5 different supermarkets just to get the best price on each item. Nor can I go to supermarkets at their best 'reducing' times, as I am still working then.
I have lived on very low incomes in the past, and have worked 3 jobs at a time, 7 days a week- it's just nice to not have to worry about it now.

TeenyTinyTorya · 27/11/2008 01:01

NAO I can totally understand the 4 pints thing - 6 kids including teenagers! I'm the oldest of 6 so I know first-hand the sheer amount of food that can be consumed!

treedelivery · 27/11/2008 01:03

EachPeach - yes it must be nice and you should enjoy it. If your in that position I mean. I hate to think people begrudge themselves stuff and budget for the sake of it. Because as anyone who does it for real knows it's so so boring and tedious and can get you down. So if people who are able to spend a bit or just get the nice butter instead of the less nice - then it would be such a shame if they didn't enjoy doing it.

So I'm loads better off than lots - dh has a new gym membership [bargain £18 month] and is delighted and I feel great about that!

Moneys pointless if you can't enjoy it - sure can't take it with you as they say.

twinkle3869 · 27/11/2008 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jenkel · 27/11/2008 09:19

My dh earns quite a bit aswell, I dont work and we have a big mortgage, which is due to finish in 5 years, we had the mortgage over a shorter term, so our monthly outgoing is quite large, however, we can afford foreign holidays, we have been to Australia this year to visit family. At times its a bit tight as DH does not earn the same amount each month, we have a little savings but not a great deal, plough everything into the mortgage. I know that if I worked we would earn a little more but dont really want to use a childminder and we also know that if we could sell we could buy a smaller house (we dont live in a Mansion by the way, just a 4 bed house). But thats choice so if things are a little tight every now and then thats fine.

We have also been very hard up in the past, before kids came along, couldnt afford to buy for years, rented a room in a shared house etc etc, couldnt afford a car, couldnt afford holidays. So think that has made us very grateful for the standard of living we have. And I do know that if we fell on hard times again we could cut back quite a lot, but hopefully it will never come to that.

bozza · 27/11/2008 09:43

This is not all credit crunch related though is it? OP has not had holiday in 3 years - so long before the credit crunch kicked in. Tends to suggest overstretched. Also I don't think not having cleaner/help and doing own DIY is that much of a hardship if, as we assume, OP isn't working. We don't have a cleaner and we do both work albeit, I am part time.

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 27/11/2008 09:53

we spend £100 on groceries a week but there's 6 of us plus cat and we have special diets included (so £1.24 for a litre of goats milk, £1.89 for 4 df gf crumpets for the weaner) and a baby. Without these I cold drop it massively.

Even then, we bring home far less than half what you do all in and have funds left. We do rent because we acknowledge we cannot afford to buy.

I would definitely start to write things down; often a lot of the costs that tend to go vwith working add up- a coffee, lunch out etc and are easily rremedied.

BTW you're right that £150k is not super rich. well off yes but not mega so.

elliott · 27/11/2008 09:56

I think it is impossible to help the op without knowing how much the mortgage is.
But basically I agree with Quattrocento.
And of course there is lots of good advice on budgeting as always.
I have to agree though that £100 per week on groceries isn't loads - depends (as ever) on what is included. I spend an extra £18.50 a week on school dinners which isn't trivial.

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 27/11/2008 10:01

'Well, I'm sorry, but I think people can choose what they spend their money on. We frequently spend around £100 a week at the supermarket (inc toiletries, nappies etc) plus more on eating out. There are 3 of us.
We don't spend money on consumer 'stuff' though. That's our choice. '

agree wholeheartedly

we don't go out (as well as lack of childcare- would you want to babysit our lot? 2 nt and 2 asd non sleepers- dh works nights), we can't be arsed with new phones, trendy tv's, posh cars etc etc etc- so we make nice meals in when dh is home: doesn't take much to push budget up then. DH would rather wear torn clothes (he does despite my best efforts, though mine are stained often) than spend the 1hr 15 ins we have daily together without the boys trekking to shops on different shopping estates and probably costing more ion petrol anyhow (no bus to them and we live a few miles away)

MikeStand · 27/11/2008 10:04

OP's husband is probably paying massive amounts of tax to fund the tax credits of those that drone about how well they manage on 20k a year.

mm22bys · 27/11/2008 10:11

Wow, where DOES your money go?

If it's all on your mortgage, well, you have obviously made a nice house your priority.

You made your bed, you sleep in it!

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 27/11/2008 10:16

are people not taking tx credits into account in their income then? I am.

a much larger proporton of the money tc pays out is actually to parents of sn kids under the disability credit guise; the system is in place because its one thing that can affect any of us- no matter how great an earning potential you have you could lose it tomorrow if you can't work (grantng soem people are mega rich or have savings of millions but thats not the norm). I have experienced this myself and it's quite a shock to the system

But should the children of any well off person need support they will be as entitled as anyone, no? Isn't that half the point of social security?

Judging people on lower incomes- well you'd need to know so much info wouldn't you? How can you tell via a PC connection if said Mum is a chooses-not-to-work-and claims-instead type, or a wants-to-work-but-has-to-care one? Or disabled? Or single mum coping in a refuge/ (extreme examples sorry) You cannot.

I think OP is being very good and restrained and not biting. Well done OP.

alfiemama · 27/11/2008 10:19

Oh Im gonna have to ask it, cant help myself

Does the op work, if not is there a reason why not, you cant say your in hardship and not be prepared to work. PARTY PLAN springs to mind,

EachPeachPearMum · 27/11/2008 10:20

mike total deductions on income of 100k (assuming no claims back for expenses) is £35,326- so yes, not an insignificant amount.

However, that leaves £5400 per month almost to live on (and service that mortgage)- a staggering amount to most people, including me (with my £100 on groceries a week )

twinkle - that £100 on food OP spends is for 6 people (she has 4 DC I believe) so fairly normal I think, though I appreciate many families of that size have to live on less.

ihavenewsockson · 27/11/2008 10:22

"never have any money"

try having to decide if your last £7.50 should go on formula or elec to last you 4 days til your tax credits come thru.

alfiemama · 27/11/2008 10:23

Peachy your right, sorry if op is god forbid disabled or has kiddies with sn then sorry.
As a parent of a sn I know that this can be hard, I also know how hard it is to work and have children with sn, so sorry

VictorianSqualor · 27/11/2008 10:24

Geez.
What is it with all this sniping? If the OP had posted the same thing without saying her husband's salary then people would have been happy to help.

OP we've recently cut down outgoings by cutting down our sky package (we never watched the movies or sports anyway) and changing our broadband provider (went from £15 per month to £5 per month with Sky).
We shop monthly so we can buy most stuff in bulk which almost halved our shopping bills and we have stopped using our cards for things, we withdraw £30 per week which we have in a pot, anything needed we use this to buy, and anything extra (alcohol or kids sweets for example).

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 27/11/2008 10:27

Oh no alfiemama I wasn't angry or targetting you- just explaining where TC's go, people seem to think its all just handouts for the feckless (and I support a system that at least tries to reward those in work, even though it doesnt always get it right).

(and it was mikestand I was replyiong too LOL, slow typing!)