To want DH to help out in the mornings WITHOUT being asked?

[TreeTrunkThighs]

I think I probably am BU but still. DH works full time, own business, lots of stress etc. I am SAHM with 2 children, one at school, one 13 months.

In the morning I get up with the baby (this morning just before 6am) - change, dress, entertain and feed her til 7am. Then I sort out the big one's clothes, make sure her teeth are brushed and hair is done. Get myself showered and dressed. Finally do breakfast for we three.

Meantime DH gets up at 7.30am, showers, has breakfast and goes at 7.45am.

I know this is not balanced and he should probably do something. He would if I asked I'm sure. But this is where my being unreasonable comes in. I don't want to have to ask. I want him to see the imbalance and do something about it. Given that it has been going on for 13 months now I think it unlikely.

So AIBU to want him to help out but not because I have asked him to?

Ah, that feels better. This was trawling through my head at 4am and I feel better for writing it down.

He may very well want to do things with them in the mornings - but he may also need to have enough sleep to contend with a very stressful day running his own business.

Can't believe I'm defending men here (!) and I know there are a lot of men who do take the piss (and are allowed to do so by women). However, I don't think it's fair if one parent is expected to go out to work all day and also expected to do half the child care when he or she is at home as well.

I am not sympathising with these poor old full time working dhs!

Doing child-related stuff in early mornings is perfectly compatible with having a full time job. I have one. As does dh. We do alternate mornings, and have done since dd (our second) was 9 months.

Not to be too flip, though, it did take some bedding in - so I think the suggestion of him being on duty 1 weekday and 1 weekend morning, as a start, is a really good one.

How easy is it to talk to him, though? It was a bit hard to broach the deal with dh - we started the arrangement one holiday, when the unfairness of me doing every morning was very easy to see.

have just asked dp and:

'its not unreasonable to be disappointed when your partner doesnt help when you're struggling but equally why on earth has she let it go on for 13 months and not said something even in passing'

oh and he wants to know what happens in the evenings - is it the same sort of story? and why the bloke doesnt go to bed earlier and then get up at 7.

seeker - i see what you're saying but I dont think the OP wants half the childcare just a little bit of help. After all her working day is 5.45am til what?8pm if shes lucky? his is probably not anywhere near that...