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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to parents' evening at ds' nursery?!

61 replies

theSuburbanDryad · 25/11/2008 19:03

I mean - it seems a bit pointless, if you ask me! What are they going to tell me, that he's really good at playing in the sand, but that his communication skills need to improve?

He's 22 months ffs! Plenty of time for parents' evenings when he's at proper school, surely? Or am I being too laissez-faire, and should I be taking more of an interest in my child's development?

OP posts:
Original poster
theSuburbanDryad · 25/11/2008 19:58

Ooh, not sure what happened there!!

OP posts:
FeelingLucky · 25/11/2008 20:00

It's not just about telling you he's doing well,is it? More about how he's doing well and how their work might be complemented at home. For example, I always like to know what words DD has been saying at nursery so I can use them at home.
It;s also a way of me expressing an appreciation to keyworker/nursery, in the same way as an employer might give an employee an appraisal.

I do speak to keyworker every day and hang around for 5 minutes to have a chat about what they've been up to, etc. But my DH doesn't. We're having a parents meeting next week and DH is soooooo excited.

Original poster
theSuburbanDryad · 25/11/2008 20:03

Well I've just told dh about it and he wants to go, so that's me off the hook!

OP posts:
ItsNELLyChristmas · 25/11/2008 20:03

I have a daily written report about dd after Nursery, and I speak to the staff before and after each session, but I still go to Parent's Evening

When I speak to dds keyworker at parent's eve I have her and she has my undivided attention. When I am dropping off/ picking up dd I am competing with other parents collecting their children, other children (understandably) needing the keyworker's attention and my dd wanting my attention; the chances of having a useful conversation beyond "she grazed her knee, can you sign the accident book" or "** completed a beautiful puzzle today" are limited.

Plus I love the opportunity to have a really good nosey at dds learning journal

roseability · 25/11/2008 21:32

Parent's evenings, how the child is doing well, achieving, learning journals!

They are babies for goodness sake. I absolutely agree that age appropiate development is important and that parents have a right to know what their child has been up to and if there are any problems, but not in such a formal way.

We expect too much from children sometimes. Pre school children should learn through play in quite an informal setting. They should merely be encouraged to try new things and encouraged with things they enjoy. There is surely no need to set targets at this stage. Once they start school the world is a very formal and competitive place, it is time enough.

Original poster
theSuburbanDryad · 25/11/2008 21:41

Completely agree rose!

OP posts:
roseability · 25/11/2008 21:45

I am sure you are more than capable of talking to staff and getting an inkling of what your child has been up to, if you want to

roseability · 25/11/2008 21:45

I am sure you are more than capable of talking to staff and getting an inkling of what your child has been up to, if you want to

blueshoes · 25/11/2008 21:50

I have attended a few. At my nursery, parents were queueing for their turn. I was most impressed by the amount of paperwork the nursery staff had to fill in terms of observing my dc and ticking whether they hit certain milestones - all Early Years Curriculum and all that. You got to give it to them.

starbear · 25/11/2008 21:50

feelinglucky, I was only joking. I didn't know everyone would be so serious. DH and myself take the education of Ds very seriously. We speak to staff and other parents all the time and check everyday if everything's is ok. We also try and be sociable with other parents and care who his friends are. I would expect staff to tell us what's happening in his world when we are not around. I'm sorry to sound a bit flippant before I apologies. We are in the great Primary school race in our area as the council have forgotten to do any town planning and we might not get a local primary school for our lad. I'm exhausted today. I should have gone to the Jokes Topic

Original poster
theSuburbanDryad · 25/11/2008 21:50

Well as I said - I'm not bothered about going at all, but I showed the letter to dh and he really wants to go, so I'll let him do it!

I do think people are too keen to push their kids into a formal education setting though - it's absurd for a not-quite-2-year-old to have to follow a curriculum, albeit very loosely. Having said that, ds' nursery is a fairly posh one (don't look at me - our tax credits cover it, pretty much! ) and I can just imagine that most of the parents there would love a parents' evening so they can gloat over how "advanced" their PFB child is at pushing other children over following the curriculum and making a mess in the sandpit advancing their learning.

Loada bollocks, if you ask me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
theSuburbanDryad · 25/11/2008 21:52

starbear - don't apologise! Why should you? This was meant as a somewhat lighthearted thread! If I was really bothered I would have posted in the Nurseries topic!

People seem to have left their sense of humour at the door, unfortunately, which is what's happening all over MN today, it seems.

Either that, or everyone's slowly disappearing up their own arsehole!

OP posts:
hf128219 · 25/11/2008 21:55

I have been invited to one - before my dd actually starts.

Should I go? Just to size up the other parents?

blueshoes · 25/11/2008 21:55

I don't go to get confirmation my dc is advanced. Just want any early problems to be flagged.

The carers have to give up an evening to do this. They put a lot of effort in the preparation. I think it is nice for parents to attend - it shows an interest in the staff's work, an appreciation of their dedication and fosters a supportive atmosphere.

starbear · 25/11/2008 21:56

theSuburbanDryad, Ta love. Have you see the thread about grammer. I couldn't join in as my spelling so appallying that I just could be snoby enough

roseability · 25/11/2008 22:04

LOL! Next we will be giving under 2s homework!

giddykipper · 25/11/2008 22:05

We've had the letter too today SD, I really can't see the point. I chat to his keyworker for a good 5 minutes each evening when I pick him up, we talk about his development, what new words he's started to use, how he's interacting with the other kids, not just about how many poos he's done. I really can't see what they can add at a parents' evening. I spend enough time with him to know how he's developing, at the end of the day they all develop at different rates so at this point in time I can't really see the benefit in knowing whether he's ahead of or behind his peers. He's happy playing, he paints lovely pictures, I'm happy.

mabanana · 25/11/2008 22:06

'I never get bored talking about my child' gosh Feelinglucky, I bet you are a hit at parties

FeelingLucky · 25/11/2008 22:09

oh, starbear. hope you're not upset by anything I said. not personal.
suburnbandryad, I read and enjoy a lot of your posts and thought you might have been a bit tongue in cheek with this one.

just told DH about this thread, and he says he can't imagine anything more exciting than going to talk to DD's keyworker (and he's not joking). We're going on Thursday

btw - suburbandryad, bet you'll feel very of your DH when he returns from the parents evening and wish you'd've gone.

FeelingLucky · 25/11/2008 22:11

mabanana, I know ... I have no life

ladymariner · 25/11/2008 22:13

"he can't imagine anything more exciting....."?????????????

FeelingLucky · 25/11/2008 22:16

It's not about how he's doing compared to his peers, it's about how he's doing in nursery - a setting independent of you, when he will act differently to you.

And, these parents evenings are for those who don't necessarily have 5 minutes at the end of the day to chat to keyworker. That's why most DHs want to go ...

And, it's not about pushing your child in a formal education. It's about being able to talk to the person who looks after your child in a childfree, peaceful environment.

Aaaarrgghhhh!!

FeelingLucky · 25/11/2008 22:21

ladymariner, YES, in fact we persuaded the nursery to change the date of our parents meeting because DH couldn't make it on the allocated date.
We're just WIERDOS ... and people just avoid us at parties because all we do is talk about DD.
Much more interesting than other subjects of convos such as where I bought my latest handbag from, though only marginally more interesting than the subject of Ann Coulter breaking her jaw

MrsWeasley · 25/11/2008 22:27

I went to my DD's first pre-school parents /keyworker evening where I was told DD couldn't identify her colours or her letters. I said she could and was told "well she never puts her hand up to ask answer a question" She was shy!

Keyworker called me over the next week and told me that she had taken DD out of the group to "test" her. She actually said "to be honest I wanted to prove you wrong" She admitted she was wrong and DD did know her colours and letters and infact whilst she was completing her report DD even wrote her own name.

I never went to another one, in fact I didnt send other children to that pre-school either.

FairLadyRantALot · 25/11/2008 22:29

hm, never had any parents evenings in nursery...and, tbh, never felt there was a need for one, neither...because we had a good relationship with the nursery and talked about ds's as and when things came up. If we had worries we could always approach nursery there and then and vice versa...

bit harsh bobbie, btw...

obviously op has resolved issue anyway, but otherwise Katy's input about writing a little note was good...I can see how a nursery would benefit from that incase of ofsted inspection...