to be really upset that I cannot afford to have more than one child?

[earthpixie]

I work full-time and DH is DS' full-time carer. We're both teachers but I have 7 years experience in the private sector, whereas he had just qualified in the state sector when DS was born. Therefore, sadly, there's just no comparison between our earning power - that's why I'm the one that works. We have a mortgage of £960 a month and all our other stuff totals about £700.

I've just found out the my employer has reverted to statutory maternity pay (it used to be 18 weeks at 50% after 6 weeks at 90%). So I'd be taking home less than £500 a month. Of course, DH would have to get a job to cover the shortfall of at least £1200 a month - but his job would have to start as soon as I started maternity leave for it to work. We have no safety net of money to cover the interim. And in the current economic climate this seems a remote possibility.

I guess I just feel sad that it all boils down to money and that - if we did go for another child - it would be very stressful. I know that thousands of other people are in the same boat - so AIBU?

can you take a mortgage payment holiday for a year whilst on mat leave? no experience so just a suggestion

YANBU tis sad.

Can you not wait a couple of years till DS is in school?

In no way suggesting it is an ideal solution, but you only "have" to take 2 weeks maternity leave. I think if you really want a child you find ways around the we can't afford it argument

Can't you just take a shorter maternity leave? It's not ideal but if it means you could have another child, and if DH is at home, next best person to you to look after baby.

Can your dh work part time whilst your son goes to a childminder?

I'm 38 so if we were to have another I'd prefer it this side of 40..

You can afford to have more than one child. You just can't afford to have more than one child and maintain your current standard of living - it's the same for everyone to some degree.

Yanbu. Very difficult. But perhaps not impossible? Depends how much you want it.

Where do you live? Could you downsize/move to a cheaper area?

Mortgage break a good idea - I know people who have done this.

I do sympathise - I have been in a similar situation myself, although in our case dh and I both needed to work f/t to make ends meet and could only afford childcare for one child.

I agree with georgimama to a certain extent, although changing style of living means you need to sell your house and who is able to do that at the moment??? Personally, if it were me, I would put my house on the market intending to downsize, and hope it got sold in time for me to have another baby.

Totally sympathise but re the suggestion of selling the house, isn't it counterintuitive to move to a smaller house in order to increase your family?

You will need more space, not less.

YANBU it's tough where the woman earns more than the man. Suggest DH does evening work from now, so you get some savings in place asap and then he can do more hours when you are off. Evening tutoring plus supply when you are off perhaps or evening and weekend shelf stacking pays pretty well (IMO).

Agree with others that if you want it enough you'll find a way round it.

we're sort of similar. but we put money aside each month to pay for covering my maternity leave, the SMP bit anyway.

with dd1 i was ok i got a hefty bonus from work that i saved to cover my leave. next time i don't expect we'll get one. so our savings are accruing until we ttc dc2.

I had a broadly similar situation to you and ended up taking just 14 weeks maternity leave for my first and second children. Hard, but infinitely preferable to not having a child.

I wasn't going to suggest anything as drastic as selling the house (that's to be avoided at all costs at the mo unless no alternative whatsoever) just that their current lifestyle is DH is SAHP and OP works fulltime.

She hasn't told us how old her elder child is (and "carer" suggests SN of some kind although could be wrong about that) but there is no reason why DH couldn't do part time supply or something and DCs go to childminder PT. Let's face it, as two teachers they haven't got the kind of childcare costs most working parents have to worry about ie school holidays.

Having children at all changes your life style. I was moaning to my mum that we "can't afford" more than 2 children and she just laughed in my face, pointing out that when she was young no one could afford to have children at all but still did, there were no tax credits, maternity pay was almost non existent, paternity leave was non existent, but they managed because they wanted a family more and because they had to.

I'm not criticising anyone who chooses to restrict their family to one child for lifestyle reasons, but it's disingenuous to say you cannot afford more than one child. Because you can.

What about tax credits? Have you used the calculator on the website to check how much you would get with a baby as well. If you are on mat leave, could'nt your DH work (at least part time) and with the extra tax credits, it could work out as the same money? Some people may say that you should not expect the government (ie: taxpayers) to fund another child. But what the hell, plenty of people do.

I felt like this when I had only one - waited 5 years for another (when DD started school) then got preggers with twins (increased risk in older mums]! Had nightmares about how to afford 3 pairs of Clarks (that's a small mortgage in itself and has almost bankrupted us but DD has her DB's to irritate the hell out of her so well worth it .

I would just go for it, it will work itself out.

Just go for it - things will work out.

I think your situation sounds very managable with a 3 month maternity leave. It is perhaps ideal and might get in the way of your breast feeding plans. But, you could have that second child.

DS isn't SN and he's 20 months.

Wouldn't it be cheaper to find alternative care for him and your DH work full-time?

Do most childcare providers not expect payment over the school hols? I thought you had to pay up front.

Not always. Depends on who you use. Some nurseries are term time only, many childminders will let you buy in ad hoc. Lots of choice out there.

YANBU. I think Ilove's mortgage break idea is a great idea, your payments should only go up slightly when it comes to an end.

Lots of childminders either charge half fees or not at all for unused school holidays - think some prefer to work term time only!

YANBU. I think these days there are lots of people who can't afford to start families or add to their existing family.