to be really upset that I cannot afford to have more than one child?

[earthpixie]

I work full-time and DH is DS' full-time carer. We're both teachers but I have 7 years experience in the private sector, whereas he had just qualified in the state sector when DS was born. Therefore, sadly, there's just no comparison between our earning power - that's why I'm the one that works. We have a mortgage of £960 a month and all our other stuff totals about £700.

I've just found out the my employer has reverted to statutory maternity pay (it used to be 18 weeks at 50% after 6 weeks at 90%). So I'd be taking home less than £500 a month. Of course, DH would have to get a job to cover the shortfall of at least £1200 a month - but his job would have to start as soon as I started maternity leave for it to work. We have no safety net of money to cover the interim. And in the current economic climate this seems a remote possibility.

I guess I just feel sad that it all boils down to money and that - if we did go for another child - it would be very stressful. I know that thousands of other people are in the same boat - so AIBU?

we're a single income family. I'm a sahm, dp is a teacher. Our income after tax is about £1500. We part own a flat in london which we are renting out to the tune of £900 pcm which just about covers the rent and mortage till next Nov when we have to remortgage. We also rent our home in N Norfolk (we couldn't sell our flat in time because fo the current financial crisis)

After bills, food and everything else we need to live we have a very small margin of money coming in. But we're trying for another baby come January despite the fact that we're much, much worse off than you are. Perhaps we're mad. All i know is money comes and goes, but kids are a sound investment for the quality of the rest of your life. And i know we'll manage, even if it gets really, really tough.

I think there are always ways around these things, like shorter ML, dp getting part time work and mortgage break.

If i can afford to do it as a single parent, and i only took 10 weeks maternity leave, then i am sure you can find a way.

YANBU.

But imagine what you would do if you accidentally got pregnant. Would that change how you feel?

We're really not high rollers or expecting to maintain a swanky lifestyle. We bought our first house last year after years of being priced out the market. I drive 45 miles a day as we cannot live anywhere near my school in Oxford. We're very frugal about things in general and have never expected any hand-outs or assistance. Most of DS' baby stuff was second hand, for example. I just feel my perimenopause looming and our chances of another child further and further away, and it seems so sad and unfair.

I just wanted to add - you won't regret having another child but you will/may regret NOT having one!

My advice would to have the second child, and worry about the details when you need to. These things work themselves out. You are right to be concerned about it, and it is your concern that will help with finding workable solutions to the financial problems you may or may not face.

I'm going to go against the tide here and say YABU
Some friends of mine have brought up two girls in a two-room flat: the girls have their own room and the parents sleep in living room.
If you really wanted another one, you'd find a way.

I think you can afford more children but your standard of living would probably change

outside tuition for you and DH in advance to save some money for maternity leave, cut expenses to the bone, reduce mortgage to interst only or take a payment holiday, take 3 months maternity leave.

Can't think of anything else offhand

YANBU to be upset that you think you can't have another child; but are you absolutely sure that it isn't the case?

My sis has 1 DSD and 2 DDs under 5 and neither she nor her partner have well-paid jobs, and they have a big mortgage, and for sure we told her not to go for the 3rd when she was in not particularly great financial shape, but she mostly manages.

I think to some extent it depends on how much you want your current standard of living to stay the same and how much you're prepared to sacrifice - I know my sis managed to get a 6m sabbatical from her mortgage when she was pg the 2nd time - I don't know whether that is still a possibility?

There wil never be a right time to have another child finacially, there wil always be sacrifices to be made, If dh went full time now and your ds into childminder you could take a full mat leave with some reduction in your standard of living ( have you look at the money saving threads and money saving expert.com) also tax credits do make a big difference.

Money is tight here but I am now expecting no. 3, we will manage, there won't be foreign holidays and private schools but we'l get through....

Just want to congratulate you on thinking all this through. I am not being patronising but it is nice to see someone thinking through the ifs and buts as to whether they can actually afford to have more children.

There will be ways round your dilemma if you really do want a child.

Some childcare options will do term time only contracts. Also by the time another child is born, assuming you concieve immediately your DD will be nearly at the age of being eligible for nursery vouchers - meaning he would gte a reduction in nursery prices for 5 two hour sessions.

Can you and DH not look together at a part time option for you both? Teaching is often a pretty good career for requesting flexible working conditions.

Good luck with your decision.

I agree with Feelinglucky actually, i think you are being far too 'woe is me' and it is not 'sad and unfair', what would be sad and unfair, is if you couldnt have dc full stop (ie infertile), you can though, so just go for it.

Sorry if that sound harsh, but i can think of a whole bunch of people i know who are far worse off than you and have still had more than one child

ps when I gave up work to be a sahm, I earned 1/3 as much again as dh, we have a very different lifestyle but 2 beautiful dd's

I think you could afford it. Your dh could work too and you could find a childminder. You could take shorter maternity leave.

DH is currently full time carer of ds (who is our second) but we can only afford to do this for a few months - so he is jobhunting. I can't see at the moment how it will all work out. But it will somehow.

Focus on the positive. At least you have got decent earning power and can choose to go back to a well-paid job after a few months.

As Kewcumber says you can also do private tuition. Could dh not do some too, even though he's not working? Then you could save up?

You're fortunate to be in a profession where you can earn some extra cash. Many of us are not in that position.

what everyone said. If you really want one then you'll manage in those tough early years. 5 years down the line they will be in school and both you and dh could work.
dh works 2 hours a week as he is full time carer to dd who does have SN but he'll work school hours only when she starts school full time.

Don't forget if you already qualify for Child Tax Credit you will get more money , especially in the first year plus more child benefit (currently approx £50 per month)

Thanks for all your responses, I appreciate seeing the big picture. I do know how very lucky we are and I don't want to seem whinging or ungrateful.

YANBU to be upset but if you really want another child you can find a way.

yanbu.We would love another child.(we have two) but cannot afford it.
We took the mortgage break to have DD2