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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at my friends attitude towards maintenance!!!

42 replies

Mum2OliverJames · 21/11/2008 17:17

I have just had my friend over and we ended up talking about my current situation and he started preaching to me about how he doesnt think It is fair how men dont have a say about whether or not to keep the baby but HAVE to pay maintanence.

and he was saying that he though that each case should be trialed separately because there are loads of girls out there who tell their lovers they are on the pill to trick people into bed

he went on to say that he had this debate with someone else and it got quite heated (not bloody surprised)

i just couldnt believe what he was saying was absolutely

BTW he is gay and will not be getting any females pregnant so it doesnt really affect him.

OP posts:
dittany · 21/11/2008 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nametaken · 21/11/2008 17:25

I'd say the exact same thing to him that I say to my son.

If you're the one who doesn't want a baby, it's your responsibility to make sure you don't have one. Get a girl pregnant and you can kiss goodbye to 20% of your salary for the next 18 years AND you probably won't get much of a say in how the child is raised, even though you'll be paying for it.

Anna8888 · 21/11/2008 17:27

"If you're the one who doesn't want a baby, it's your responsibility to make sure you don't have one."

Couldn't agree more .

cory · 21/11/2008 17:28

How many babies are actually engendered by men being raped?

nametaken · 21/11/2008 17:30

This isn't about rape cory is it? As if a woman would put a claim through the CSA for maintainence from her rapist ffs.

AnarchyAunt · 21/11/2008 17:34

Until you said he was gay I wondered if you had been talking to my ex

Its bollocks, obviously.

nickytwotimes · 21/11/2008 17:35

What a bell end.

LynetteScavo · 21/11/2008 17:35

I can see where this thread is going, but I can't help feeling a little bit sorry for the father of my niece. My SIL had been told she could never concieve, and had told this to her boyfriend. Guess what? She became pregnant.The boyfriend sugested they get married, but she decided it wasnt' for the best,and thought it would be easier all raound if she just cut contact with him. He has never seen his daughter,(SIL's decision, not his) but will have paid maintanace for 18 years.

DH says he was a perfectly nice guy,(I've never met him) but agrees with the rest of you, that it's quite fair for him to pay maintanance.

Original poster
Mum2OliverJames · 21/11/2008 17:36

i think what cory meant was that that men dont get raped by woman to make a baby?
am i right?

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 21/11/2008 17:39

LynetteScavo - actually, what is really shocking is that your niece's father doesn't legally have a right to see his daughter on a regular basis...

thenewme · 21/11/2008 17:45

LS - I think women should realise they can't have it both ways. Why should he pay and not be allowed to see his child? Without him, she would have no child. And, no, I am not saying no money no access or money = access but women seem happy to take the money but not give the child and father the right to have a relationship.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 21/11/2008 17:57

Well if a contraceptive pill is developed for men it would make things more equal - less chance of them being tricked

nametaken · 21/11/2008 17:59

Would you risk it? If a man said he was on the pill. Coz unless I was actually married to him, I wouldn't.

Oh, and the pill isn't 100% reliable doncha know.

TheCrackFox · 21/11/2008 17:59

If a man doesn't want to have DCs then he needs to take responsibility for his own fertility and use a condom. Not exactly difficult, is it?

TheCrackFox · 21/11/2008 18:01

Nametaken, no I wouldn't trust a man who claims he is on the pill and I am baffled why some men are so stupid as to trust a woman when she makes the same claim.

VictorianSqualor · 21/11/2008 18:04

This reminds me of something DP said last night.
Apparently all men should have the snip at birth, but make it reversible so you actively have to want a child for it to be born. Then us women can stop being accused of 'trapping' people or not have the ability to play russian roulette with our fertility, the men can stop complaining

Original poster
Mum2OliverJames · 21/11/2008 18:05

I dont understand why people dont use condoms anyway, unless they know for sure that their lover isnt HIV infected or have some other STI, i made my XP go and get checked out before i would sleep with him unprotected (i also got checked out for his reassurance)

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 21/11/2008 18:09

"BTW he is gay and will not be getting any females pregnant so it doesnt really affect him."

Unless some of those nasty duplicitous females pretend to be men in order to trick him.

Original poster
Mum2OliverJames · 21/11/2008 18:11

i know this is TMI but i know he likes to be the, ahem, one on bottom

OP posts:
ShyBaby · 21/11/2008 18:12

They might do you know...tis easy to trick men

So i've heard.

SoupDragon · 21/11/2008 18:15

Just makes it a challenge

ShyBaby · 21/11/2008 18:19

Does he know lots of girls who lied to their lovers in order to get pregnant?

AnarchyAunt · 21/11/2008 18:29

@ SoupDragon

Original poster
Mum2OliverJames · 21/11/2008 18:30

i dont think so,most of his friends dont have babies, TBH i would have thought that he would have viewed it the other way around as his mum was a single mum who didnt get any support from her DCs dads.

when he said it i was in so much i couldnt say anything, i was gobsmacked that people think this way.

OP posts:
ShyBaby · 21/11/2008 18:34

Men are responsible for contraception too and if they dont bother to take it seriously then they are as much to blame imo. Takes two to make a baby.