To be shocked at my friends attitude towards maintenance!!!

[Mum2OliverJames]

I have just had my friend over and we ended up talking about my current situation and he started preaching to me about how he doesnt think It is fair how men dont have a say about whether or not to keep the baby but HAVE to pay maintanence.

and he was saying that he though that each case should be trialed separately because there are loads of girls out there who tell their lovers they are on the pill to trick people into bed

he went on to say that he had this debate with someone else and it got quite heated (not bloody surprised)

i just couldnt believe what he was saying was absolutely

BTW he is gay and will not be getting any females pregnant so it doesnt really affect him.

Oh they do. I hear this shit all the time.

Tis them nasty single mothers

I would be very upset if my son ever thought this way.

I think that if a man makes a baby then he is responsible for paying for it. If he turns out to be a complete twat and the mother decides that the kids are better off without him well then...it is STILL his job to pay for the baby he made...otherwise the taxpayer has to pick up the slack. That's not fair.

If a man doesn't want to be 'tricked' into having a baby he should wear a condom. By having sex with a woman without one he is not taking full responsibility. Too many men want casual sex and then to be able to run away when the woman gets pregnant. If the CSA got it's act together and made every father pay for his child/children, a lot more men would wear condoms or have less casual sex. This sort of attitude makes my blood boil

Or he shouldn't have sex.

Is it tricky to wear a condom?

Here's an interesting thought, though. If a condom splits [or other contraceptive fails] and a woman decides that she wants to keep the baby, against the man's wishes, should he still pay maintenance?

I mean, she went into the shag agreed that no baby would be forthcoming and at the end, things have changed, haven't they?

No contraceptives are 100% effective. If a man and a woman have sex with contraceptives there is still a tiny chance there could be a pregnancy. If they don't like the odds then it is simple - don't have sex.

but why should she put herself through a termintation or as pramspotter said, let the taxpayer pick up the slack.

IMO everytime you have sex you should expect a chance that a baby will be made.

i think that yes he should pay. it takes two after all.

I'm sure it's been said before, but men have a choice to have sex with without a condom.

Maintenance is for the wellbeing of the child, not to inconvenience the a mere 'impregnator'.

if a woman is on the pill and a man wears a condom and it splits - what are the chances of the pill failing aswell? or any other dual contraception methoads for that matter - it is highly unlikely.

Most men feel they where tricked due to the brain in their trousers taking over the body for the night and having a wail of a time. They didn't know that woman could get pregnant when they didn't want a baby

Crackfox, very true. If sex with contraception is going to end in pregnancy + blame, and the woman knew that ahead of time, she probably wouldn't feel like shagging him in the first place.

I agree with him which is why my ex lover has never paid for my son. We were both after a casual fling, I got pg, he offered to pay for a private termination, I refused and took away any say he had in the matter so why should he be left financially liable for 18 years? I just don't get it.
Now in hussbands or boyfriends who want to make a baby and then leave the woman, then they have to pay up, but casual flings...no.

Well, that works well for you clearly, but I'm glad you#re not a judge setting some kind of precedent there!

My friend was saying that it needs to be all done on individual credits to get maintenance, i did try to explain to him that there are plenty of dead-beat dads that dodge paying and that the rules are there to protect the majority.

i was absolutely its the first time i have felt uncomfortable about something he has said, and believe me it takes alot to shock me

it ruined the rest of the afternoon because i felt a bit uncomfortable, wondering if he thought the same of me???

Looking back I'm amazed at the number of men I've known who have been happy to have sex with women without protection and not asking if they were on the pill etc.

I don't have a son but if I had I would instill into him to wear a condom or expect that he may get someone pregnant and have to pay and take responsibility.

oops, repeating myself

He sounds an arse. I wouldn't worry about his good opinion Of YOU!! tbh. Sorry if that's blunt.

I would like to think my son, when he grows up, cos he's 3 has crackfoxes attitude. Basiccally if you're sleeping with somebody it could happen, and then if it does, don't apportion blame, don't try to wriggle out. HOpefully the girls our sons choose to sleep with will have equal relationships, and if not love, then some respect and affection between them.

If I heard of my son trying to 'wriggle out' of his responsibilites by using such arguments presented by op's friend, I'd feel quite disappointed.