to be slightly worried,,,,,,,,,,

[FrostyTheSnowgirl]

Hi I'm pretty new to mumsnet and wasn't sure where to post this.

Long story short, I'm a lone parent and my exp and I have an access arrangement for our ds sorted through the courts etc etc as he refused to bring him back one day when he was only 5 weeks old.

Anyway, when my ds started nursery (he's almost 2 now) I explained all this to the officer in charge and that exp wouldn't be picking him up because of our situationwith court order.

I had to take our ds to a&e yesterday after a fall at nursery and exp took us and in the car on the way he asked if there was a woman called "A" who worked at ds's nursery, I said yes, she's the officer in charge and he proceeded to tell me that she's a local in his pub (they live in a different town to us) and that she's always going on about ds to him. Evidently she knew who ds's father was the whole time and has been discussing him with him behind my back in the pub. I feel that she has breached my confidentiality a bit.

AIBU to feel slightly uneasy?

no, not unreasonable at all!
i would be pretty annoyed, to say the least. very unprofessional of her

Blimey!

Not BU at all. She's acted very unprofessionally. At the very least she should have told you that she knows your exp. I think you should probably talk to her boss.

No I think YANBU she is absolutely out of order and you should complain, but if she is in charge I'm not sure how you do it.

That's what I was thinking, before I had ds I was an officer in charge and the information supplied by parents in the nursery stayed in the nursery or the staff received warnings for breach of confidentiality.

I'm worried if I say something though, she'll go straight and tell him and ruin the relationship we've developed since

YANBU, she sounds less trustworthy than him!

Hope your LO is ok.

Why wouldn't she mention it to you? Thats what would have me worried!

I really don't know why she didn't mention it. TBH i was quite taken aback when he told me as I don't know her personally and am not sure how she knew who ds's father was

any chance they are an item??

that is highly unprofessional and full marks to your exp for telling you

there must be somebody senior to her, unless she owns the actual nursery

or, if you don't want to escalate it that much, tell her you realise she knows your exp and you would appreciate her being more discreet in future (you will have to be brave for this one, but she is waaaay out of order)

yes, agree with loobey, are they shagging?

No he's not, he's named as a parent but there was something on the form asking if he was a designated guardian, which he isn't as I have residency via a court order.

She works for Surestart but is in charge of that particular nursery

I can understand your concerns about confidentiality, but is there really a problem with him knowing how his son is getting on at nursery? You say you've explained that you don't want his Dad to collect him from nursery, but maybe she thinks it's OK to talk to him about him. Has he got PR? If so he's entitled to know how he is getting on.

LOL i wouldn't think so, she's actually a middle age woman and he's only 21, mind he never was good at keeping it in his pants so not entirely out of the question

I have no problem with him knowing how he's getting on, infact I keep a diary which I put in DS's bag to let him know how his week's been and what he's been up to etc.

I don't actually know what she's telling him, she could be telling him what I've said about our situation or anything. I just don't like that its been kept all hush hush

err, what do you call middle-aged ?

she must be mid 40s early 50s

Ah Ok, I see what it is you are worried about then. Chances are she is JUST talking about your ds and not breaking any confidences. And perhaps it's not so much being kept "hush hush", more it just hasn't been mentioned as she isn't doing anything wrong.

Why don't you speak to her? Maybe she can put your mind at rest.

I think I might have to say something. I absolutely hate confrontation

It doesn't have to be confrontational. It's a perfectly valid worry. And if she was spilling the beans about you, rather than just telling him about your ds, do you think he would have told you about it? If it was a case of him getting information from her without you know, surely he wouldn't have let on as the obvious thing you'd do is speak to her or someone at the nursery about it.

I think you might be worrying for nothing. I hope so anyway .

Have to say you are most def NOT BU,

She has most definitely broken confiedentiality,

Surfer mum she IS doing something wrong no child in someones care should be discussed in the local pub, especially if she knows that their relationship( op's and ex's) is already difficult, no collection etc.

I do feel this should go further although obviously up to you.

If you do decide to do something and don't want to upset exp it maybe civil to phone him and let him know what you've done and say that you are more than happy to fill him in on what's going on and do not want to shut him out but what was happening was unprofessional and you didn't want your ds discussed in the middle of a pub. ( maybe after you've made the initial call so he can't backtrack etc!)

YANBU.

She has no right to be talking about your son to anyone outside work, especially not in the pub.

I'd complain.

Take heart in the fact that he shared this info with you

I would complain - I dont know how this is done but I would

I would also consider a change of nursery for your own peace of mind?

I'd take him out tomorrow if there was another option available to me! This isn't the only area they are completely incompetent in believe me. unfortunatley the 2 nurseries merged together in my town so its now the only one