to be furious with my mother over this remark?

[clam]

She was doing the "what do you all want for Christmas this year, as long as it comes from M&S because they've got 20% off today" routine. Fine, no problem with that bit.
She then asked what size I was nowadays. .
I told her.

"CHRIST!" she says.

She then followed that with: "I was shocked about your sister, but then she is on a diet now."

DH spluttered his tea all over the table in mirth. I cried.
What would you all have felt?

OMG how rude!!!

Well you obviously look much smaller than an 18 if she was so shocked.

Oh poor you - obviously she has eyes! Did she think you were a size zero then?
I speak as a size 20 and I find family are quite brutal when making comments.

Hmm. Subtle as a brick eh? That sounds a bit like my dear father.

Picture the scene, I'm in hospital have had no sleep, emergency c-section, partner's gone home and I'm up late to let dad in to see my newborn son in intensive care. And what is the first thing that leaves his mouth when he sees me?

"Are you sure you haven't got another one in there?"

GRR!

YANBU.

[passes a tissue and a cuppa]

I might have been tempted to say 'what I'd really like for Christmas would be a mum with some tact and diplomacy but I'm not sure they sell them in M&S'

Would never think of that at the time though! at her response

YANBU at all-

lol FIL called today to tell me about my dh's cousin who they saw yesterday who had 5lb baby last week after i had my 9lb 7 one- "well the baby was tiny but then R is only tiny and petite herself so you'd expect that really" -had effect of making me feel size gigantic- gee thanks

(not to mention that cousin in question smoked like a chimney throughout her PG)

If it was the case that I don't look that size, then surely "really?" would be the response? Not "CHRIST!" And, she's spent most of her life being an 18. It's only recently she's lost weight. And thinks it's OK to raise an eyebrow when I ask for sugar on my weetabix. (which, let's face it, is pretty inedible without it).
There is just no level on which that sort of comment is acceptable. And she still goes out in public, mixing socially with people....

I understand, it's hurtful. My mum is obsessed with my weight, but never directly comments, just lots of disapproving glances. I don't know what's worse!

Previously, her best was to ask my sister why she'd decided to dye her hair that shade of brown? "...because they say that as you get older, you should go lighter. Less ageing."

I think that's nothing. My mum bought me scales for Christmas..

What a sensitive soul she is.

I would feel extremely hurt and angry at that. And I would expect a full apology from her and an acknowledgement that what she said was very hurtful.

As for your dh...why was he laughing and not supporting you?

Oh clam, you've got a corker there! My mum tends to say things like "you're looking healthy ", but in a tone that leaves no room for doubt...my sympathies to you, and give dh a kick up the arse too...

YANBU.

My father told me a couple of months before I went to Uni that I needed to lose weight otherwise everyone would laugh at me and I wouldn't have any friends (size 14).

Before my wedding he told me that he was looking forward to walking down the aisle with me but that if I didn't lose weight he would be ashamed of me (size 12).

Most recently, he warned me that if I don't lose weight DH will start looking elsewhere for a woman that's more attractive (size 16).

He and my mother don't seem to realise how hurtful it is, they both think they are being encouraging and constructive. What's weird is that they constantly ask me why I'm so self-conscious about my looks...

my mums fav is when I am wearing something she doesn't like she says
'gosh that outfit is fun'

I get told that I am 'too thin' all the time. I'm a size 12 . 'Ooh you are getting too thin. "Mrs X stopped me in the village the other day and told me that you looked ill you are soooo thin". As Mrs X won't have seen me for at least a year I suspect that it is mother's imagination filling in the gaps in her story . She also keeps trying to overfeed me - "have some more crumble, you haven't been eating properly now have you".... beleive me it's just as bloody annoying and unsubtle. But of course when I do start to put on weight and she doesn't say these things I really worry

Mothers just do this sort of thing. It's a way of trying to have some control over us I think.

Your DH shouldn't have laughed though. When my aunt and mum gang up on me to tell me how bad running is for me he always sallies forth in my defence!

My mum is like this about weight as she has struggled with hers for years. I am probably heavier than I should be but am perfectly happy with it and as I am tall and broad shouldered I can carry it off. Making myself sound a bit butch here

She was overjoyed when we went wedding dress shopping for me and she had just lost a lot of weight when I was trying on size 16 dresses -just had to comment in a 'gosh I never would have guessed you were that big' tone. Never mind that a wedding dress size 16 is more like a real life 12/14 (why they do this I will never know). I think it made her day .

Having just given birth (during pregnancy had put on around 22lbs which I thought was reasonable - not excessive but healthy) she told me that she and my grandmother had decided that during the pregnancy I had put on a lot of weight around the waist.... hmm so kind of where the baby was then?

That's incredibly rude! YANBU at all.

In DH's defence, he was laughing at her gross tactlessness, not at me. He has no problem with my weight, other than when he sees me getting fed up about it, and when my incredulity gave way to tears, he was right in there with hugs and kisses!

My Mum is exactly like this she is a 14/16 (nearer the 16) and I am 16/18 (and tbh apart from one of her sisters the whole of her family is like this so its obviously in the 'genes') she always makes comments like 'I'm really going to lose some weight' etc etc and then hoping I'll say it, or she'll say 'they look a little tight' or that would look better if you lost a little weight. I know I am overweight I know I should eat better and exercise more but with working part time and a 4 year old and 22month old by 6.30 when they are in bed (and I'm cooking for me and dh) last thing I can be arsed to do is exercise (and it doesnt help that dh is super fit and cuurently training for triathlon so Mum says can't he help you )

YANBU.

Thought it was just my Mum. The week before my wedding, she told me that I really should think about losing some weight (gee, thanks Mum). 3 days after DD was born parents came up to see us. She (of course) cooed over DD, glanced up at me and said "never mind dear, the baby weight will come off eventually". Actually mother, the last thing on my sleep-deprived mind at that point was what I looked like.

wow that is rude. for some reason parents feel that they have the right to say the most insensitive things and think that is ok.
good on your dh for his hugs and kisses.

My friend lost lots of weight when breastfeeding and was skinny..i was pregnant and BIG..my lovely father in law told her how great she looked in front of me and then said to me "There's hope for you yet then!" My mum goes on at me to lose weight every SINGLE time she talks to me!

When I was shopping for wedding dresses with my mum, the girl in the next cubicle (somewhat naively but then she didn't know my mum) asked my mum what she thought of the wedding dress she was trying on. My mum replied "Yes you'll look very nice once you lose some of that puppy fat".
They're mothers - they have NOOOO idea.

I have an aunt like that! She told me she "had a diet for me| at ds4's christening. I gave her a withering look and explained that as I was breastfeeding I would stick to my Weightwatchers with extra points! I had plenty of chance to practice my withering looks that evening as MIL was also present!