to be furious with my mother over this remark?

[clam]

She was doing the "what do you all want for Christmas this year, as long as it comes from M&S because they've got 20% off today" routine. Fine, no problem with that bit.
She then asked what size I was nowadays. .
I told her.

"CHRIST!" she says.

She then followed that with: "I was shocked about your sister, but then she is on a diet now."

DH spluttered his tea all over the table in mirth. I cried.
What would you all have felt?

do we have the same mother? Mine had the cheak to tell me I am obese (I'm a size 12) and she's a good 3 stone heavier than me!

yabu

all mums are mentalists especially about weight
they all either never give over about how fat you are or how you look like a skeleton

ask her if she wants something for her wrinkles this Christmas

My MIL gave us bathroom scales for last Christmas........I assumed this was because we don't have any and they do,and the kids like playing on them, and she did not know what else to get us. Now you guys have got me thinking that I should be worried there was something going unsaid. I am size 18 and both SILs are size 10 !!

well, DH loves me so who cares. OP, your DP sounds like he loves you just the way you are so forget her and be happy.

My MIL comments on my newly high lighted hair "but you had such lovely coloured hair!".

And some stranger on a bus told my cousin she looked like Jo Brand . She was absolutely motified. Her DH was having hysterics whilst she told me this. She has gone on a diet and changed her hairstyle now.

DH just walked into the room as I was bending down to pick something up.
"CHRIST!" he said.

Hahahahaha!

No honestly, I am laughing about it now. It's clearly a very long time since I let my mother pierce my defences, as DH, who has long heard me moan about her, had never actually seen me in tears.

what did your mum say about your tears though?

She has no idea. This was all on the phone. Unusually for me, I was speechless for a few minutes, but obviously (her being a bit on the egocentric side) she didn't notice.

DH asked what she would say if I were to phone back and tell her how upset I was at her comments. Well, first of all I wouldn't do that in a million years, but if I did, she would bluster, say that of course she didn't mean it like THAT ( so how did she mean it then?)and probably end up saying I was being over-sensitive. That would piss me off even more. Anyway, as DH says, she probably didn't get up this morning planning how she could piss me off by saying something nasty, but this is, I'm afraid, very typical behaviour on her part.

Perhaps I should be over on the stately homes thread....

My mum is obsessed by my weight, only marginally less than by her own. She spent her 20s/30s and part of her 40s unhappy with her weight and lost about two stone recently. I weigh what she did at my age. So obviously I am grossly obese and must become exactly like her.

I think it is only because I am so stubborn that she hasn't managed to give me an eating disorder. Apart from this she is perfect.

If I ever have a daughter she will never hear me mouth one syllable, postive or negative, about another person's weight, especially not hers.

I'm 5 foot nine and weigh 12 stone and a bit by the way, so I don't actually think I am obese....

But dropdeadfred, that's what I meant about her going out and about in public. She will say things like that to people, with no perception AT ALL how it might be taken, and then go merrily about her way in life without a care in the world. And waving photos of the grandchildren about, preaching to all and sundry about the importance of family.

Thats a horrid but Im not surprised, families can be so insensitive. My brother tells my 12 year old niece not to eat so much or she will end up like the rest of the women in the family-nice on so many levels.

MIL once said to me in front of DH and FIL, when I was sitting there feeling a bit pregnant and fat, "What enormous breasts! All the better to feed my new grandson!"

I was too shocked to reply.

LOL at boffinmum!!!!!

I wouldn't have felt anything as am frequently told by dad that i am fat (he tells mum this too) have been hearing this since i was 11.

My mum looks at me sadly and sighs. If I object to this she says 'But I didn't SAY anything!'
Mums are universally weird. And that'll be us in twenty years, you know.

Well 3 weeks after I had my dd my dad remarked, 'of course your mother only put on 1 1/2 to 2 stone each time she was pregnant and lost all the excess weight really quickly'. Had I not been completely exhausted I might have made some remark about the spare tyre he's gained since retiring....

Yanbu.
Thats what mothers do.

But, come on, SUGAR on your weetabix????

Yanbu - I sympathise, my dad always announces to my ds's that 'the fat controller' is here when I walk in, thanks Dad

people can be so rude...and I suppose it's worse when it is your mother or someone like that

I have recently, due to some project course work looked back at pics and tried to remember my feelings at the time and stuff like that....and I was truely shocked just how young I was when I had a really unreasonable and negative bodyimage....and I am talking skinny 14 year old thinking she was fat because that was the message she was getting....I have always had a bit of a tummy...that is my build...but back than I was skin and bones just with a bit of a belly ....than when I was 17/18 I put on a few pounds, feeling even worse and my sister told me how fat I was getting....
In my early 20's I put on another few pounds and some work collegues told me I was getting ratehr chubby and how even a few pound is a lot to put on a a year...
This was shortly before I got married, and I was a small size 12 at 5'6....so, not skinny but not big, but I felt big/fat and ugly.....

oddly nowadays I am doing sw, as put on a fair amount recently (again...bit of a yoyoer) and I am 8Ibs heavier than I was in my early 20's...at least a stone heavier (if not more) than when I was 17/18 and well....plenty more than that heavier than when I was that skinny 14 year old....and people now tell me that I really must be close to or have reached my target because I am so slim (and that is even people, young people, on my Uni course....)...so...what the feck is it? Am I fat am I skinny....because, I have lost track of how the feck I should be feeling....

can you see this whole fat talk pisses me off...big time....
OP...if YOU want to change somehting about yourself, than do so....but honest, if you are happy than...ignore everyone else (unless they say nice things )

So sorry noonki, but that made me laugh out loud! Might he and my mother have been twins separated at birth?
It's funny how it's OK to comment on how slim someone's looking, but not the opposite. My family are all on the tall side (so size 18 is not SO obese, OK??) and we had an ancient (tiny) great-aunt who always used to call us lampposts. My uncle once suggested we should return the compliment by calling her a bollard!

Mine do the same but in a "helpful" (read irritating) way.

I am not even pregnant but my Dad keeps going on and on and on about these "earth mothers" who "let themselves go" and he was "so glad your mother didn't do that" (cue approving look from my mum). Then they bought me a top recently (very nice too) and I tried it on and Dad's comments were "oh, you look so slim ".

I am a size 10 to 12 for god's sake.

My mum lives on meagre rations and does look great for her age (or to be honest, for someone 20 years younger) but still, must I have it pushed in my face that I am not a size 8?

And breathe

a tad insensitive, I feel.
My mum was the opposite - because she was overweight and I wasn't, she routinely accused me of being anorexic. She didn't actually know any anorexics, or she wouldn't have done that - I was a size 10/12, so not even that skinny!

YANBU - my Mum is similar about commenting freely on weight/size. When I recovered from borderline anorexia (by leaving home) she told me I had let myself go and was disgustingly obese (I was a size 14 - I'm 5'8"). I didn't speak to her (very mature of me!) for about a year after that. She STILL keeps a photo of me at 6.5 stone in her purse as she thinks it's the best I've ever looked .

I'm now a size 18 (well actually as big as a house as I'm 38 weeks pg to boot!) but Mum is gradually getting thinner and thinner. I realise now it's all about her, not me. She made me "lunch" the other day - two crispbread with a thin sliver of cheese balanced on top.

MadamDeathstare - that wasn't a very nice thing to say. Maybe you should have threatened to demonstrate just how right he was.... .

There seems to be an awful lot of competitiveness from the mums and sexist 'girls should be tiny and dainty and eat like a bird' from the dads.

Thankfully my Dad is not like this.