To have sent out Christening invites that are ^me^ inviting people and not exH and me????

[guyFAwkesreQuiem]

Because I've just been verbally attacked by DS2's Godmother over the fact that exH wasn't included on the invite - because "it's a family thing for DS3".

She made me feel like I was deliberately "excluding" him and not acknowledging him as their dad "because they need a father".

ExH and I are now very amicable and there's never been any question of me organising the Christening who was invited/when it was/godparents etc etc. He's going to be there, and when the parents and godparents stand up to say the vows is going to do so too (but at the opposite end of the Godparents to me - again something we agreed on without any real debate over it) But now I feel like total shit.

So should the invite have been "G & N" invite you - or just "G" invites you???

As I said earlier imo it is traditional for both parents even if they are separated/divorced/ even remarried to be named on invitations to events such as christenings and weddings, it doesn't mean that they have to be on every single birthday invite for the rest of the child's life.

But what is done is done and I wouldn't waste any sleep over it. As long as dh isn't bothered not being on there it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

YANBU - you are hosting, you are inviting. It's great that you have invited your ex to be part of it. Lots of separated / divorced couples wouldn't be able to manage that. It sounds as if you are doing brilliantly. Please do not feel badly about yourself for a minute, and I hope that the christening is a really special and lovely day for you.

Did he help to pay for the christening?

Claw - no he's had absolutely no input into it at all. (although it hasn't actually cost much either due to the generosity of friends and church

Just trying to work out any reasons that god mother might have had to object!

As long as you and ex are happy with it, i dont think its any of her business.

YANBU. If you are organising the event then you are inviting the guests, including your ex.

I sent out invitations in my name to my son's first birthday party recently. I sent one to my son's father too. I organised the party, I paid for the party, therefore I hosted the party - me and me alone.

Your situation is broadly the same IMO.

i think yabu, but i think a quiet word or reminder would have been better than having a go at you straight from the off would have been a far more productive response from the godparent.

you know what - it's not even DS3's godparent -it's DS2's!!!

I would say that YANBU. Were they printed invitations, or handwritten?

FourArms - they were printed (and beautifully handmade) by Yorkiegirl for me.

Not knowing anything about your relationship, I think it would have been more normal for him to be included. Weddings are generally X and X invite you to the wedding of their daughter (even though one person did all the organising, and even if the parents are divorced), so presumably so are christenings?

Having said that, if your exH doesn't mind, then I don't think its a big problem.

I was chatting to one of DS3's (soon to be) Godparents this afternoon - and she reckons this "tradition" of putting both parents on the invite despite of marital status stems back to the days when being divorced or separated wasn't socially acceptable

As you say though, he is going to be saying the vows, and that is the important thing - it could be argued that all the rest is just window dressing.

I don't think YABU at all FAQ! If you'd put both of you on the invite, people might have thought you'd got back together, surely.

And if your ex isn't bothered, then who cares?

YANBU, and having a go at you for not wording the invitation according to someone's idea of the correct etiquette seems very petty.

yanbu

does the godparent not have anything else to stick her unwanted beak into?

no not really apparently Ronaldinhio - she has in the not too distant past when she came to babysit for me so I could go on a "girls night out" with church (about 50 of us aged 18-93 - nice meal) came over at 6.15 and expressed concern that the DS's were not at that point bathed and in their PJs. They were actually eating their dinner (as is very normal at 6-6.30 in this house) - I told her they had had a bath the previous night and she was horrified they would be going to bed without a bath, and got a lecture about that too.

Also today when she came round (unexpected as per normal) I answered the door and invited her in with gritted teeth and apologised for the mess. Not only had the DS's been ill over the last few days, I'm not 100% either (so not much more than the bareminimum - feed, dress, bath,bed each day) and I'd wrapped 14 parcels for ebay this morning - so all the bits were still lying around. She walked into the room - took a deep breath and said "oh! Yes! I see what you mean it is very messy isn't it.

I then offered her a seat and a coffee (both of which she declined) thanked me for the invite and proceeded with her tirade against me for "excluding" exH (and a whole range of other stuff which I can't be bothered to go into now otherwise I'm going to get worked up and upset again).

Oh she's such a lovely woman - I would cease contact with her if it weren't for the fact that she's DS2's Godmother

i wouldn't have put him on them either.

I hate people like that

Can I replace her as dd2's Godmother?
I don't mind mess and am very practical

The thing is she can only lecture you if you let her......don't apologise about anything especially not your mothering or house and then if she ever starts again say,
"My God, how rude!! Isn't it lucky I know you mean no harm otherwise I'd just think you were very, very rude"

I also buy excellent presents

well I was quite blunt/sharp with her when she starting laying into me about exH not being on the invite, and then extended this into various other stuff to do with relationships (including what was I looking for in marriage should I decide to remarry someone else - to which I told her it was none of her business).

I'm not fussy about presents (already have too much stuff as it is ) just someone that doesn't try and undermine everything I say or do would be nice (or in the case of DS1's godfather - someone who at the very least sends him a card for his birthday..........)

The host issues the invitations. If you are the sole host (regardless of whether exH will actually be attending the ceremony), then the invitation comes from you. I would be surprised to receive an invitation from separated parties and would probably assume they were getting back together again .

I don't think you've fucked up and I think the godmother should mind her own business.

what freckle said

thanks everyone - I was still fretting about this today and getting myself worked up - so I asked exH directly when he came to pick the DS's up whether he felt I had excluded him in any shape or form by not doing the invites from both of us.

He looked at me like I'd totally lost the plot and said "err no..........you organised it, you decided who to invite - why should I have been on the "from" bits" - so feel much happier about it now.

I was in this situation and to sort it I said to exp that we'd each invite who we wanted to the church ie seperate invitations from each of us. we werent amicable at the time so to avoid any uneasy situations we had 2 separate christening parties afterwards. Mind we are from different towns with different sets of friends so this would be easier for me

IMO YANBU because you have to get through these situations as well as you possibly can and no matter what you do you'll never please everyone.

Enjoy the christening day, hope its goes well xx