To be tired of my dh's drinking every night.

[thescarletharlot]

Because we can't really afford it.

Because it makes him fecking snore and I can't wear ear-plugs because my DD has asthma and often gets attacks in the night.

He occassionally offers to sleep on the sofa, but mostly I give up and sleep on it and it is fecking uncomfortable and I have a bad back.

I have asked and asked him to cut down and he does for a week and then bingo, back to square one. And he asks me what is wrong and I think what is the point? You don't listen properly if I tell you you selfish bag of bones!

I am fecking exhausted and want to attack him with something sharp and pointy.

feck, feck, feck.

My DH has recently stopped drinking/cut down considerably.

Ha was drinking a bottle of wine every night. I sat down and added up how much he was spending each week apx £35 and that if he stopped we would have £350 extra to spend at xmas - This really struck a chord with him as he always feels we are skint but clearly there was a simple way to actually have money.........

Would this work for you?

I hate the smell and snoring too.

My dh went away on business for 2 days and I have never felt so refreshed in my life. I thought it was by DCs that made me constantly exhausted but no, turns out it is DH.

He never used to snore but overtime has really kicked in and IMO the 2 or 3 cans of larger are not helping.

Ditto!

The smell is grim, I do wear earplugs but sometimes he still wakes me up.

Yuck
Tell him you don't want to have sex with someone lethargic and stinky.
That might spur him on.
A bottle a night?
Fucking hell!

Mine complains about how he needs to go on a diet because he's getting a little round and doesn't fit into his leathers so easily. However he is more likely to cut down on food than drink as 'he likes the taste and doesn't drink to get drunk'.
But, he is doing really well 3 days into his latest effort to give up smoking, so won't want to cut down / stop drinking at the same time.

So I reckon that if he has 3 litres of cider a night, or like last night a bottle of red wine and a couple of cans of lager he could easily lose a couple of pounds a week by not drinking and have more pounds in his pocket to spend on motorbike flash crap customising his baby!

How Many Calories in Various Alcoholic Drinks?
Calorie content
1 Pint/568ml Lager 230
1 Pint/568ml Lager, Low Alcohol 57
1 Pint/568ml Beer, Bitter 182
1 Pint/568ml Cider, Sweet 240
1 Pint/568ml Cider, Low Alcohol 97
1 Pint/568ml Beer, Bitter, Low Alcohol 74
1 Shot/25ml Spirits, 37.5% Volume 48
1 Shot/25ml Spirits, 40% Volume 52
1 Bottle/275ml Alcopops (Calculated Estimate) 200
1 Glass/120ml Wine, Red 80
1 Glass/120ml Wine, White 77
1 Glass/50ml Sherry, Sweet 68
1 Glass/50ml Sherry, Dry 58

Calories in Popular Mixers

1 Glass/250ml Tonic Water 83
1 Glass/250ml Cola, Coca Cola* 105
1 Glass/250ml Cola, Diet, Coca Cola* 1
1 Glass/250ml Lemonade 53
1 Glass/250ml Diet Lemonade 3
1 Glass/200ml Orange Juice, Unsweetened 72
1 Shot/25ml Lime Cordial 28

You could be REALLY mean, and wake him up when he starts snoring. Say "Hey, you're snoring, roll over or something, would you?!"

After being woken up about 5 times a night he will not be a happy bunny!!!!!!!

That MIGHT get the message across

WHAT is sex? When he's not in a drink induced deep sleep, it is hardly appealing to get intimate with someone who roles over and starts snoring within minutes.

He snores in every positon so getting him to move is to no effect.

I don't know if it bothers me that he drinks practically every night- seems a lot, or if I am just narked that it affects me and our relationship so deeply.

AND I WANT SEX. (Sorry, tmi). But I am healthy hormonal 30 something and I have needs goddammit . In one of my mean moods, I thought of putting a bottle of beer on my pillow where I should sleep,.....but don't think he would see the funny side. Bah.

And feck, feck again

Oooh this thread has thrown up everything that I came online to have a moan about. My DH has started drinking more in the evenings ("I work hard during the day, I just want to kick back and relax with a few glasses of wine....."). Claims he's not getting drunk but you can tell, from the eyes. And the slurring. (could I just be jealous....? Now there's a thought, I do miss my red wine....)

So there we are, I want cuddles (am 28 weeks), and then when we go to bed.....I want sex. TMI, sorry, but there we go. He claims he still finds me attractive with me being all bulgy and everything but will not have sex with me

God knows why I want sex - he falls asleep instantaneously, snores in every position and farts in his sleep.

thescarletharlot - are you me?

So sorry JaneinGreece, I missed your post last night as I actually got some sleep..I slept alone.

However here we are again....mine doesn't get 'drunk' as such (two or three bottle of specialist brewed beer). He knows how it affects us and I suppose in principal I don't object to him drinking but this has gone on for so long it has had a profound affect on our relationship. I feel less like a wife all the time and have very little self esteem as a woman.

I find it hard to show him affection. I know you are supposed to to keep the flame burning but I hate being 'turned on', promised ''mmm, later'', and I know what that means.

Nothing.

I even look at bloody porn.

thescarlet... do you think he might have a drink problem now?
Jane... do you think the same of your dh?

I really don't know. I did when he was drinking drinks like tenants every night as it made him really nasty. He agreed to change his drink as I said I wanted to split up. (not just over drinking, lots of problems).
I have asked him to have two or three nights a week without a drink and he will for a week or so and then he just slips back to his other habits.

I am dreading christmas.

He suggested sleeping separately rather than not drink.

thescarlet...I am really sorry about were you find yourself at this time in your life...but I think you already know what you have to do.
He doesn't sound like he is going to change at all.
So girl, it really is up to you.
Do you want to carry on living like this...if you are lucky...I say that because it seems like he is getting more aggressive as time goes on.

If the alcohol adds to his bad temper, then you must decide sooner rather than later on what you are going to do.

....you are right and I know what you mean, but it is still very hard and difficult to make judgements when you are exhausted. And you don't just 'split' with someone when you have children do you?. They are linked to you through the DC's and he confuses me. I hate feeling like this. But work very, very hard to make life good for DC's and am very close to them.

Thank-you juicy.

scarletharlot,

Do you think at heart he is an alcoholic?.

It does sound like your H has a drink problem. His primary relationship could well now be with drink with everything else coming a distant second. Telling someone to cut down will not work full stop; they have to want to change.

You also sound like you've become his enabler which is common in such situations. You giving up and sleeping on the sofa is one such behaviour. You probably also make excuses for him too to either family or friends. He likely also underestimtes how much he is actually drinking in the course of a week and probably also looks for any excuse to have a drink.

No good either for your DD to see all this, she's learning from the two of you and picking up on all the tension.

What may be helpful is talking to Al-anon as they can help family members of problem drinkers. I will put up their web addy for you.

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF
Tel: 020 7403 0888 (Helpline 10am - 10pm, 365 days a year)
Fax: 020 7378 9910
Email: [email protected]

www.al-anonuk.org.uk

crikey, this was a factor in our recent decision to seperate

hubby likes to drinks special brew...
4 cans in the evenings at the weekends with a small bottle of wine with his meal.. 4 cans on a wednesday.. and a couple of cans as a little treat on the other days...

we can't/couldn't afford it.. he was always moaning he had no money to buy clothes or anythink but when you add up what he was drinking... it all adds up..
when I suggested he cut down he did.. for a week but always had a really good escuse for not giving up... relaxes him.. works hard... that I felt that I was being really unreasonable in even suggesting it.. he also drives for a living an I often worried he was over the limit the next day..

and as for the snoring... I videoed him on my phone once and he was horrified.. it didn't stop him though... he used to be really nasty if I shook him and asked him to roll over.. he didn't stir with my gentle nudges.. needed to be shook to rouse him... and because he didn't remember being nasty.. I guess he thought it didn't matter...

good luck...

Oh thats very true RumMum. My exH drank an awful amount and become very abusive when drunk but because he didn't remember it it was like it never happened and I was being unreasonable for being upset by it.

He was probably drinking about 80 units a week but claimed he did not have a problem as he can hold down a job and still have a family life. What wasn't factored in was the money we were going without due to his drinking, his bad temper with me because he was feeling rough and the rows as a result of this.

I also videoed him on my phone and he said that no one should have to deal with that. Didn't make any difference though.

so tell me almummy... did it all change when you seperated.... My DH tells me he drinks and is moody because he is unhappy.. but he's been like this for years now.. I think it just becomes a habit for them...

I don't really know if it changed. We get on better because I don't have to witness the drinking all the time and the abuse that goes with it. Can't imagine he has given up.

He never really had any excuses for the drinking, as far as he is concerned there is NO problem apart from the problems I made by whinging about his drinking all the time. He doesn't think that he has a problem. Men drink, women moan about it. Thats life as far as he is concerned.

Not unreasonable at all, my dh snores when he drinks, drives me insane and i end up on the settee too! I couldnt cope with every night.

As soon as he got out a bottle, i would start making up a bed on the settee for him!

.

My H swings between being the most depressing person to be with, and him going over the top with telling me how wonderfull I am, without doing a great deal about the drinking. And ther has been too much water under the bridge for me.

In some ways I have forgiven him for some of the shit he put me through but I look in his eyes and somehow the image of the cold, sneering, angry man comes into my mind. This was never about ordinary domestics, I can cope with those, but I just don't see the same man anymore.

Is he an 'alcoholic'? Oh god I really really can not answer that. I know a lot of people that drink every night,....I used to, but I gave up. Do lots of people open a bottle of wine most nights to relax and how do you differentiate between that and alcoholism?

I get through from day to day as the thought of the future terrifies me. He is not as aggressive on what he drinks now and I know the experience has changed me so much, that where we are now is mostly my fault....

Thanks for all the posts and please feel free to talk through your own experiences,

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I am to tired and DC's are bickering and I shouldn't have started this thread, but sometimes it is all too fucking much.

your husband is an alcoholic.

the sooner you accept that the better... you have a better chance at beating it together if you admit this to yourself so you can move forward and get the information and support you both need.

it is exhausting, i know, but there is help out there and you need to learn about alcoholism and co-dependency to stand a chance.

he isn't drinking because he's a bad person or doesn't love you... that's the good news. the bad news is nothing you or anyone else does can make him 'see sense' or stop drinking. HE needs to have a realisation independently and while you're not admitting the gravity of the situation to yourself, you are potentially preventing this realisation from happening.

dig deep and good luck

thescarlet...how are you feeling today.

I want to just talk to you about the alcohol. It seems to me that if he is drinking every night and ignoring how that is affecting the family i.e. YOU which in turn will effect the dc's. If he cannot see how unhappy you are with the situation and if he cannot see he is becoming more aggressive with time, then yes, he is an alcoholic.

Honestly think to yourself...would you be happier with just you and the kids, without all the shit that comes with having an overbearing,intoxicated,aggressive,abusive,etc. husband for you to look after as well.

Good Luck !