To be tired of my dh's drinking every night.

[thescarletharlot]

Because we can't really afford it.

Because it makes him fecking snore and I can't wear ear-plugs because my DD has asthma and often gets attacks in the night.

He occassionally offers to sleep on the sofa, but mostly I give up and sleep on it and it is fecking uncomfortable and I have a bad back.

I have asked and asked him to cut down and he does for a week and then bingo, back to square one. And he asks me what is wrong and I think what is the point? You don't listen properly if I tell you you selfish bag of bones!

I am fecking exhausted and want to attack him with something sharp and pointy.

feck, feck, feck.

Do you think he has a mental health problem? I know it can be hard to tell as alcohol causes mood swings, but your post saying he swings between being really horrible and then saying how lovely you are oculd indicate that. My dp has mild bipolar and he used to drink to self-medicate, though seems to have got it under control more recently.

To be honest, most drunks can go from 'I fcking love you'.....to 'I fcking hate you'.

Sad but true.

thescarlet - his drinking can't be your fault. He chooses to drink
I agree with other posters - have a chat with AlAnon because they might be able to help you think a little more clearly - always a prob with LOs at home I find!

I feel a little better, as I have managed to get a couple of nights sleep, and am thinking very carefully about things people have said.

I don't know if this is normal but I feeel dreadfully guilty for doing this thread, I am not usually prone to such emotional outbursts...

I tried to see if he had a problem with depression but wound up being put on AD's myself.

You never imagine it will be you in this situation, having these thoughts do you?

Thank-you for all your support, I know it is strange to discuss something so private on a public forum, but there is a kind of anonyminity to it also. I think?

Thank-you again.

thescarletharlot, I am in the somewhat rare position of having a DH who managed to beat alcohol addiction and he has now been sober for just coming up to 2 years.

I was pretty much unaware of the extent of his drinking. Luckily, DH admitted that he had a problem and sought help from the AA. He is now fully involved in the organisation and it has changed our lives. To be honest, I wasn't so sure that he was an alcoholic. LIke you, I thought lots of people drank every day, that it was normal.

But, drinking every day is not normal.

Drinking yourself into a stupor is not normal.

Offering to sleep in a separate room rather than with your wife is not normal.

You need to contact Al-Anon. They are grear. And when your DH is ready to accept he has a problem, the AA will be there to help too.

Good luck

Let me tell you a story:

Healthy PE teacher drinks the odd night to relax and cope with 'stress'. He's promoted and drinks most nights to cope with stress. He's promoted again and starts to drink every night as he is stressed and unhappy.

Headteacher of a Special School starts to have the odd vodka in the morning to take the edge off his hangover. His staff phone the police anonymously to get him done as they are aware of the problem. His family are afraid of him and his mood swings, tiredness and aggression. They are not as well off as they should be and they start to hate him. DD1 leaves home at 17, DS leaves at 19 and DD2 goes at 19. His wife buries her head in the sand of is 'shocked' when the GP refers him to a liver specialist at the local hospital.

After 5 yrs of misery for his family, watching him fade away and become someone that they don't recognise, he finally dies breaking more than one heart.

...So, dramatic example of what could happen but alcoholism is insidious. You DH has a drink problem. You are aware of it. DO NOT ignore it and bury your head in the sand. He is making critical choices already (moving out of your room rather than stop the midweek drinking). Someone who has a dependance on alcohol is by definition an alcoholic. They can keep a job and a family and still be an alcoholic.

My dad died last year and I will NEVER fully believe that the charismatic, loving and intelligent man that I adored died such a horrible death. Please contact al-anon and get this nipped in the bud. You DH may be depressed but the drinking will only make it worse and the brain damage that is caused by continued alcohol abuse will make him a nastier and nastier person to live with.

Sorry- this is still pretty raw. Just want to prevent other people from going through the horrible situation that we went through.

i put laxatives in my exh dinner when he was drunk, the resulting shits got blamed on the drink, every time . he stoped drinking cause he thought it was making him ill.(have since been informed that this was criminal act, oops)not saying u should try it, but i was desperate and sick off no money to buy nappies/food/clothes for our baby.so i do understand what your suffering, if he doesnt want to change, leave... you cant live a normal life with a selfish git.why put yourself through the heartache?

Scarlet

"Do lots of people open a bottle of wine most nights to relax" - yes, but they usually leave some in the bottle or share it with someone else.

"How do you differentiate between that and alcoholism?" Easy. When it makes other people unhappy, or causes problems, or loses jobs, or embarrasses your loved ones, or breaks homes, hearts, or limbs, and you would still rather drink than stop, then it is probably alcoholism. It's not quantity, it's consequences. As AA say, "if your drinking costs you more than money - think!"

On a personal note I do not think I have ever met anyone who is not a student and drinks, or has ever drunk, Tennants, Special Brew ("Spesh"), wine that comes out of plastic bottles, or white cider on a regular basis, who does not have a drink problem. But that's just my opinion.

I am a recovering alcoholic, btw, so although this is purely my views I like to think I speak with a certain authority here ...