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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm just not sure!

29 replies

Flower3545 · 19/11/2008 16:29

Brief outline.....

We are fostering a baby almost 11 months old now who has been with us since she was two weeks old.

She has contact 3 times a week at her parents home. I send a diary book of mealtimes, nap times, how she's doing generally each time she goes for her contact visit. Today Dad had written in the diary

"Just to let you know its her mums birthday next week and she's worried she won't get anything from baby"

In Mums writing at the end of the note was dads birthday date which is a few weeks from now.

I know its a little thing but I'm feeling a bit about this.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 19/11/2008 16:32

Erm, write back and tell him to sort it out ? YANBU

Flynnie · 19/11/2008 16:33

Are they expecting the baby to go out shopping for a present?
If the father is concerned why wouldn't he get something?
Ynbu

KatieScarlett2833 · 19/11/2008 16:34

It is neither your place or your job to buy these parents anything on behalf of their child. Cheeky feckers.

more · 19/11/2008 16:34

Write back that maybe daddy should get mummy something on baby's behalf then.

fizzpops · 19/11/2008 16:36

It does seem a bit odd. I know some people a bit like this about cards for any and every occasion - they get very upset if you don't send a card as if no card = no thought etc.

In this instance (not knowing any further details) it may just be another link to their baby which is disproportionately important to them as a result. Is quite rude to write it to you though - why can't they sort it between them?

If I was to send my DH a card from our DD it would be more in a jokey way and to make him smile. He wouldn't be upset if I forgot and the same would be true if he forgot.

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 19/11/2008 16:37

do a handprint on a piece of paper or something as I'm sure they just want something for sentimental value...
Dad can have a footprint.

Yanbu!

Simplysally · 19/11/2008 16:38

So for whatever reasons they are incapable of looking after their own dd but they want the foster parents to get them gifts from the baby? .

Don't they realise that this what most parents sort out for each other?

lulumama · 19/11/2008 16:39

so , essentially they are asking you as the foster parent to buy two gifts? unless this is what is generally accepted as normal when you foster, then no, maybe it would be different with an older child, but not an 11 month old

agree hand and footprints a lovely idea

worried she won;t get anything from the baby of course an 11 month old can;t go out shopping. slightly bizarre really

Original poster
Flower3545 · 19/11/2008 16:41

Phew, thanks everyone I was beginning to think I was being mean.

Good idea about the handprint, I may do that for them

OP posts:
Original poster
Flower3545 · 19/11/2008 16:42

Oh god then there's Christmas coming

OP posts:
MavisG · 19/11/2008 16:44

Bum print?

Original poster
Flower3545 · 19/11/2008 16:45

Good one Mavis

OP posts:
NewspiritsFromOldghosts · 19/11/2008 16:46

ROFL at bumprint

compo · 19/11/2008 16:50

hang on they might not mean buy a gift
as you have the child for longer than they do maybe they meant make something like someone said, a handprint on a card?
how long do they have her on these 3 visits a week? are they always both there? If so there wouldn't be the opportunity to sneak out with the baby to do a secret crafty thing

BitOfFun · 19/11/2008 16:57

They aren't keeping it a secret tho if they both wrote about it on the note, are they?

I would write back and say, yes, I was worried the baby would forget mine too, it's on x date. Still if we both remind her and she's walking by then, she might just surprise us and nip to the shops....

Well I wouldn't, but I'd be tempted

cory · 19/11/2008 17:01

lol at BitofFun

lottiejenkins · 19/11/2008 17:02

Do you have a Social Worker? What does she think about it?

Original poster
Flower3545 · 19/11/2008 17:03

BitofFun it was my birthday a few weeks ago and they knew it was as I asked their permission to change the contact day as we had a family day planned.

They agreed to the change but made no mention of my birthday.

I just keep thinking what would they do if the baby was with them and not in care?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flower3545 · 19/11/2008 17:04

lottie, she's off sick at the moment.

OP posts:
pingping · 19/11/2008 17:12

I think the handprint is the best Idea for sure O and for christmas take a Nice picture and give it to them cheeky buggers

some people hey.

cheshirekitty · 19/11/2008 17:15

Flower, you sound like a really lovely person. YANBU to be . (Hope face comes off, I have never done one before!)

Footprint on a homemade card sounds a great idea.

You should not be buying stuff for people you do not really know.

kayzisexpecting · 19/11/2008 17:29

The footprint is a great idea.

My MIL is a foster parent and I know she wouldn't go out and buy something for them.

You sound like a great person.

Troutpout · 19/11/2008 17:43

Is there any reason why the parents couldn't do this for each other? If not then I would do the prints myself with the baby but give them to the dad and tell him that he could make a card with them from baby, if he wants.

fizzpops · 20/11/2008 08:03

Flower - I think that is the bottom line. Normally parents don't have someone else to organise these things and so do it themselves. Not quite sure what difference they think this will make but maybe they see you as so much involved with the child that it hasn't occurred to them not to include you.

If you want to do something for them that is a different matter but it would be more in the way of acting like a family unit with their child if they did it for themselves.

bonnycat · 20/11/2008 08:22

I agree with troutpout,i think the hand/foot prints are a lovely idea and they prob wouldnt get chance to do anything like that but i would give them to the dad to make into a card or whatever.
If they are expecting you to go out and buy a gift then they are cheeky sods and YANBU.