to think husband shouldnt go away with work?

[benandoli]

OK so I know he doesnt want to go but I just feel weepy about him going away to London with work for 2 nights leaving me with two boys 3 and 6 and a newborn, 4 weeks old. Granparents are helping out but I just feel really weepy about him not being here.

YABU to think he shouldn;t go

YANBU to be miserable about it

YABU. It's the way life works, unfortunately.

You are allowed to be miserable but try to remember that he probably feels awful about it and that it is (presumably) out of his control. DH was away all the time when DS was tiny, including for his 1st birthday (a fact which DS never remembered, and I had forgotten, but that DH still feels bad about).

YABU - 2 nights isn't very long and these things come as part of modern working life. I understand that you find it hard - dp also works away for weeks at a time and it can get very lonely and monotonous. But I have got used to it now... and there are even some plus points!!

not a great situation with a newborn, but if he really has to go, what can you do.
It's only 2 nights, but i can perfectly understand why you feel upset about it....i personally wouldn't like it either, my 2 boys are similar age to yours and my 3rd is due any day, if DH told me he was off for a couple nights in a few weeks time, I would probably be v annoyed!
my advice is make use of all the help you have and make sure you plan things to do so it flies by.

Good Lord, of course you are.
Life carries off.
Mine went abroad for 7 weeks when I had a three week old and a thrtee year old. Oh, and i had to move house alone.

Needs must.

Gosh you sound very brisk moondog- we know where to come for sympathy

Yanbu to be upset, but don't make him feel bad if he already does, that would be U.

it is a toughie,no doubt.but has to be done.get nice treats in to welcome him home

It's not much fun, but as others have said - it is only 2 days and so I think you are being a bit U. Moondog does sound rather brisk, but I am with her...my DH has spent a lot of time away - all of DS1's first year and then 4 months when I was pg with DS2 (and abolutely knackered). Yes - I chose to marry someone in services so that's life...but perhaps a little perspective might help. Enjoy the help - and at least you'll be able to talk to him (I had 3 months of no communications at all).

I hope PND isn't an issue...if it is, perhaps you should see someone?

its not nice but its only 2 days and its work hardly a pleasurable trip

my dp works away alot up to 4 weeks and as little as few days but this is at very short notice all through the yr

im aftraid it comes with the job and it is hard and it is lonely but ther enot having much fun either even if my dp is iin bar of an evening after work he would still rather be at home with me

but im used to it now and as long as you have support them 2 days will fly by

i remember my ds was only few weeks old an ddp had to go away fro few weeks home for 1 evening litterally climbing into bed setting off at 5 am it was really hard but 2 days really does fly by im dissapointed now that it goes so quick lol

Sorry, but you are being a tad U. Of course you will miss him, as I am sure he will miss you. You are very lucky to have grandparents around to help. Please try not to put him on a guilt trip, I am sure he feels bad enough about it as it is.

I don't think yabu. I forbid dh to go away on work stuff until ds2 reached 2. I wasn't being left with 3 kids under 4 while he jetted off to conferences! Once they were older he was allowed to go.
Now he isn't allowed to go even on a day thing if it takes him outside the city.
Family is more important than work.

YABU,but as someone else said YANBU to feel a bit sorry for yourself. But really two days is nothing.
I was left overseas with a newborn and a toddler and no help. You have grandparents there.
However 4 week old baby equals lots of hormones so I forgive you .

Ha ha Needmorecoffee. You are joking about allowing and forbidding, right.

Oh that's hard. I have a 4 year old, 3 year old and a five week old and to be honest I have only just recovered from the birth. I would have a nervous breakdown if dh went away with work fro two nights at this stage.

I think MrsBadger is spot on.

My dh is away a lot. So far this year we've had a month away in Feb/March, July he was away about 7 times (can't remember Apr-Jun, but he'd have been away a bit), Sep/Oct away for several 2-days and 2 1-weeks, now he's away for 7 weeks. Now, I'm really not happy with this (but the pay is pretty good, which helps, but doesn't really cut it for me), and it's very hard as we've got 2,3 and 6 year old, live in small village with 8miles to school, and no family within 3 hour drive. But my friends are great, and family do come and help out when needed, it just takes some organising. And it does make some things easier (bedtime is way more consistent!).
When he announces a big trip or lots of short ones, I generally lose it for a bit then come round... helps me cope.

So, if the 2 nights are a one-off, not part of more going away, I really wouldn't sweat it. It is hard with 3, and esp while the little one is so little, but you'll survive and it's really a very little blip in the big picture.

Good luck, don't make him feel too bad.
xx

no I wasn't joking. I told dh he wasn't leaving me with tiny babies. They are his kids too.
No idea what he told his work.
Right now they are aware of how sick number 4 is but do still ask. He just says he can't.
He doesn't neeb bollocks. This is an equal partnership, he doesn't leave me alone with our children (he's my carer too remember although that wasn't the case when the older 3 were little.)
When we married I told him family comes before work and career. Its why he gave up full time work to help care for number 4 .

to explain more fully, dd2 could go into status epilepticus at any time and die. Therefore dh has explained to work that he can't leave the city. As it is he's half an hours cycle ride away for the 2 hours a week he actually goes into work and thats worrying enough.

I wanted to tell you how much things have changed; my husband played rugby and was to go on tour 2 weeks after my due date with DS. When I showed no signs of giving birth the week end before the trip exH told me to go and sort it with the hospital. Doctor gave me an internal that cleared my earwax from the inside and started my labour.

DS arrived 2 days later and off went exH with the 'boys', while I stayed at home with DD and new arrival. My mum came to help. This was not considered untoward, in fact if I had complained I would have been in the wrong in our social circle.

I'm so glad things have changed for the next generations. It's completely different if it's for work but I understand how you must feel.

What MrsBadger saud?

yabu, presumably you knew what job he did before you had children?

And, if a woman posted on here saying that her dh had "forbidden" her from doing anything, there would be cries of "call women's aid" (at worst) and "he is controlling you" at best.

Obviously a sick child takes priority, but that should be automatic, not because the mother says so. and the "forbidding" happened before dd2's existance,

Oh not at all to think it, I was in floods of tears many a time when DH went away leaving me with three little ones, it makes no difference if you knew this would be the case or not it's still hard.
Try and have a bit of me time and maybe a nice hot bath and a trashy magzine moment.