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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry that my dad thinks its no big deal to let my 14 month dd share his beer

59 replies

biskybat · 16/11/2008 19:24

Ok, so he only gave her a sip but when I pointed out that I wasn't happy with this. He didn't apologise, he just looked surprised and said that it wouldn't harm her

I was really angry, not because I think she will be permanently damaged by this ( I think she will survive as it was only a sip) but I find it really annoying that he doesn't realise that I am her parent and not him...he seemed to think I was over reacting which made me even more

I told him that I will find it really hard to let him babysit her by himself if he is going to do things like this. He genuinely didn't seem to understand why I was angry so it got me thinking that maybe I was being a bit PFB about this, so am I? BTW he is not an alcoholic or anything. He and my mum are practically teatotal most of the time, he just thought she might like to try some as it was some kind of honey beer and tasted nice and sweet.

OP posts:
sleepycat · 16/11/2008 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorzselMummage · 16/11/2008 19:29

I wouldn't personally have had an issue with it atall not would it have made me worry about him baby sitting but i dont think YABU, its your child after all.

I have an awesome picture of myself at about the same age supping on my Dads pint

Original poster
biskybat · 16/11/2008 19:30

it wasn't the alcohol really it was his reaction to me saying I don't think its a good idea to give her alcohol. She liked it and wanted more...it was difficult to distract her from the bottle. Guess I did over react but he made me a bit mad as I had to deal with the tantrum...

OP posts:
tribpot · 16/11/2008 19:30

I think you are not over-reacting. Agreed it was but a sip but why? She "might like it"? I wouldn't ban him from babysitting, just make clear that she is not to be given anything like this again. Even just for fun.

Original poster
biskybat · 16/11/2008 19:35

we used to get sips of our gran's sherry when we were little and they even gave us a very very small glass of our own to nurse sometimes...think we were about 4/5 yrs old though and my parents didn't have a problem with it. Actually now I think of it my brother managed to get hold of some whiskey when he was 2....perhaps I should just shut up now

Still annoys me though, he tried to feed her one of my mum's homemade really hot(vindalooish) curries the other day, not sure she would have enjoyed that quite so much!

OP posts:
Lukesmammy · 16/11/2008 20:14

YANBU. Yes it probably would not have done any harm but he should have checked first. My Mam and Dad wouldn't even contemplate doing that without asking. His intentions were obviously innocent but he should have apologised afterwards and said he wouldn't do it again.

differentID · 16/11/2008 20:16

legally, alcohol should not be given to any child under 5 years except on the recommendations of a dr.

gracie101 · 16/11/2008 21:12

Yes you're being unreasonable. Grandads sometimes do silly things and you're going to do yourself out of a decent babysitter if you keep on wigging on about it.

daisydora · 16/11/2008 21:18

YABU - DD loves a pint, well the frothy head bit anyway

On a serious note Grandad's are idiots at times its in the job description, he would have meant no harm.

TheCrackFox · 16/11/2008 21:26

YABU, it hasn't done you any harm.

surreylady · 16/11/2008 21:32

Yanbu - I would have been disappointed in his judgement too - and I am interested in the responses of people who think it is OK - she is 1 year old - perhaps I live a sheltered life.

gracie101 · 16/11/2008 21:35

Well you clearly have lived a sheltered life. People make all sorts of silly errors with other peoples' kids. No-one is going to live by the high standards you've set for your own kids.

People do silly things. You have to suck it up and move on. It's her dad ffs. What should she do, give him a stern talking to possibly followed up by a letter?

My mother feeds the grandkids in our family all kinds of rubbish behind our backs. We just have to put our head in our hands and laugh.

MsPontipine · 16/11/2008 21:36

If it were Coke I'd be but wine, beer nahhh - always given ds the tiniest sip of stuff like that. Not so much now as I barely touch it myself

daisydora · 16/11/2008 21:37

Not saying its ok, but OP admits it was only a sip, he never but it in her bottle and left her too it....

daisydora · 16/11/2008 21:37

Not saying its ok, but OP admits it was only a sip, he never but it in her bottle and left her too it....

controlfreakyBANG · 16/11/2008 21:44

you are all bonkers.
would you give your 1 yo a little puff on a fag? a small snort of cocaine? a teensy bit of valium? a mug of coffee? well would you?

bythepowerofgreyskull · 16/11/2008 21:45

a taste - YABU
a pint - YANBU

superfrenchie1 · 16/11/2008 21:55

yanbu - i would be cross too.

my dad also wants my dcs to try beer. it really annoys me.

and when dd was 3 months old and we were in a restaurant my great aunt grabbed a (stainless steel) teaspoon and got a scoop of ice cream and fed it to dd!! it was the first thing ever to pass dd's lips apart from breast milk and i was livid - first taste should be pureed carrots or apples or whatever - from a clean plastic spoon... different generation though and they all think i am a bit neurotic (i am totally not!) so i couldn't tell them.

back to the beer - it was only a sip so no harm done.

superfrenchie1 · 16/11/2008 21:56

...but i agree that it's not really acceptable and would have a word and ask your dad not to do it again.

gracie101 · 16/11/2008 21:57

Oh my god! what happened when your baby ate the icecream?? did it explode?

surreylady · 16/11/2008 22:04

Having read these responses I feel so glad that I an my children life sheltered lives!

Original poster
biskybat · 16/11/2008 22:12

Hmmm, will go back and count up the YABU vs the YANBU's and go from there

I'm not really angry at a teaspoon of beer passing her lips. Actually I'm not angry at all anymore. Am more annoyed at his attitude to grandparenting...should have asked before offering it to her in my opinion. Of course I wouldn't stop him babysitting (my mum is always around anyway, she would normally keep an eye out)

My mum just rang and said that she'd given my dad a lecture and he is very sorry...now I feel sorry for him, she can go on for hours

OP posts:
Original poster
biskybat · 16/11/2008 22:16

superfrenchie, my dad has fed dd icecream at a young age too, I wasn't really annoyed by that but am a bit bemused as to why these grandparents seem to have a fascination with feeding babies different sorts of foods/drinks etc.

Its almost like they think they are giving them special treats...

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 16/11/2008 23:11

Oh I don't see the big deal with a sip of beer or wine TBH!

As for the curry thing ds2 also 14m Loves Tikka Masala....

home made chicken curry and trust me its hot lol

BetteNoire · 16/11/2008 23:15

I think you over-reacted.

Fair enough that you were annoyed that he did something you didn't like - but you pointed that out, and he stopped.

I think the comment that you will find it hard to let him babysit her by himself is really unkind.

You say that they are practically teetotal, so he's unlikely to be knocking back whisky chasers with her when your back is turned, I assume.

I expect he was quite hurt by your comments.