to be surprised that somebody would choose not to go to their child's harvest festival when...

[emkana]

... they had no other commitments.

And please don't jump on me, I am really open to having it explained to me why somebody would choose not to attend.

Are you sure they really had no commitments, or is it maybe something they don't want to talk about?
Harvest Festivals are a bit of a grey area. They always seem to be at a time designed to exasperate working parents. MIL did the honours this year.
At ours, most of the children don't even do anything except join in the hymns. Apparently Tiny Clanger mimes, and MIL could tell because she's crap at it!

social phobic? anti-religious pirinciples? couldn't be arsed?

Loads of reasons.
Some children get all upset when they see the parent in the crowd. A couple at my school owuld be fine in the show and then lose it when they saw the mums leaving.

May have religious reasons.

May have health reasons, cannot stand or sit still, have a loud cough, depressed or stressed so liable to sob when hearing children singing.

Child may have behaviour issues worsened by parents presence, school may have advised them not to go for this reason.

They may have other private commitments which they choose not to share with you.

they are prob not interested, in other words too selfish.
my dad never attended a school play, sports day, parents evening, nothing. it makes you feel great.

YANBU. If def no other committments then I would always attend any school event my child was involved in - to support her.

Maybe they have been previous years and know how crap they are.

I don't go because I don't do religion.

Maybe because his or her child doesn't want thme to come?

Depression?

Could be all sorts of reasons

yawn yawn yawn to harvest festival
I wouldn't have gone even if I was off work unless begged to by the kids but they didn't seem overwhelmed by it either tbh. it's not exactly up there with xmas play is it?

Do you really spend time fretting about this? Is attending a Harvest Festival now an expected part of good mothering? I've never been to one. That's because my school don't make that big a thing of it and my children have never asked me to go. How do you know if this parent even knew they could attend?

I'm fairly sure that neither of my parents came to mine (ditto sports day etc). They both worked full-time. I seem to have escaped major emotional scarring from it.

oh god they are just painful - the kids just join in with the hyms, boring and tedious - our church is freezing as well!
Apart from the fact that I am born Jewish and a staunch atheist, I respect the fact that my DD1 goes to a wonderful state school and participates in the state religion (her father is Church of E) though non practicing...
TBH this year I could not face it, it was her fathers day to pick up from school, so I must admit I "pretended" I had pressing commintments at work and told him he had to go - so there we are I had no other commitments but chose not to go, happy !!!

I am not fretting.

I overheard the mother explaining to her child that as last year she came to the Harvest Festival but not the Xmas Play she would swap over this year and come to the Xmas play but not the Harvest Festival.

Agree that missing Xmas play is worse.

It's just that with my children they would be sad not to see me there when all the other children have a parent there.

But surely most parents (assuming a lot work) won't be there?

dunno, at our school it's always absolutely packed and there is strictly just one ticket per family, so I assume most parents go

Well her children obviously knew what to expect and she was honest with them about what she would and wouldn't be there for. That seems fine to me - regardless of your view of her social calendar she must have her reasons! Try this on for size - perhaps she finds large crowds and/or singing/music/noise difficult. Maybe she's screwed herself to the sticking place to be there once but can't face it twice. Maybe if you really want to know you should just ask her!

do you know there ar eno other commitments, babysittin g issues, etc?

Couldn't do it (work, teaching). Can't pretend I lost sleep over it - my parents certainly never showed for mine, which were indeed crap.

Dh OTOH desperately tried to get there & was upset he couldn't.

I wouldn't ask her because I wouldn't wish to offend.

That's what MN is for you know, to muse about things you can't always discuss in RL.

So you don't want to offend her but would rather speculate about her motives to a potentially world wide audience? Ok then.

err yes because MN is anonymous innit

Tbh, highly unlikely I'll make it to the Xmas play either. In my case that's down to work commitments.

In your friend's case - well, she certainly won't be the only Mum not attending every time her dc do a bit of onstage off-key warbling, & her reasons are her own business.

Realistically, if primaries feel it's something parents should attend en masse, they'd need to sort out evening services/performances too - which would alienate another lot of parents - 'AIBU to think my dd shouldn't be expected to reprise her role as 3rd shepherd at 9pm on a school night?'

It's not a problem for you - you wish to attend & luckily it's do-able for you - so yabu to question your friend's decision - not your concern.

it was mentioned in op that the mum had no other commitments. I wondered if that was true. If someone has to take turn about at attending events, I would assume they have work or childcare that makes it difficult for them to attend

Maybe the child's parents are divorced- you said only 1 ticket per family- and her father's going this year. Maybe her mother works. Maybe a selection of canned goods in boxes don't do it for her. Seriously, parents go to Harvest Festival???? I've never heard of this before.