to ignore fil today as i am so angry about last night?

[ilovetochat]

Last night fil left a cup of hot coffee on the fireguard and dd (16 months) climbed on her rocking horse with her hands on the fireguard and was cms from the cup. i screamed coffee and dp managed to get there just in time. fil said oh is she going for cups now? and that was it, no apology, no shock, nothing.
They had turned up uninvited (had been round invited the day before) to bring dds xmas presents unwrapped and said she could look now if she wants, i said no. i was pissed off that they turned up at tea time and tbh was ignoring them a bit so i didn't notice fil move the coaster onto the fireguard and balance the coffee but i am furious.
Fil just came round to go out with dp and dd was asleep so i stayed in the kitchen and when they went i said bye to dp and ignored fil. aaaaaaagh

Yes, he sounds like a pita, but ignoring him is childish and pointless

she could have been scalded, ai really bu?

Yes very childish to ignore him. Can I just ask why your baby was climbing on a fireguard anyway? all I am trying to point out is that 16 mth old babies are always 2 seconds from a serious accident anyway so blaming your fil is pointless.

I think you've gone a bit ott
Have you always disliked him?
People make mistakes, no one was hurt ...

I think if he is not used to having to put things out of harms way he probably just didn't realise he was doing anything wrong

I don't think I would have ignored him though

I think you're over-reacting. Your dd was not injured as you managed to move the coffee in time. It sounds like an oversight on his part. He probably just didn't think.

However, you are deliberately ignoring him which is childish as Minky says.

Much better just to ask him to be a bit more careful as your dd is now more mobile.

you are being childish.

To be this angry at him sounds like you dislike him anyway.

TBH it was a bit thoughtless, but he didn't put it on the floor or anywhere she could reach without climbing and you don't tend to consider all this when you don't have young children at the time.

You are way overreatcing.

'she could have been scalded'

exactly, she could have been but she wasn't

of course it's unreasonable to ignore him, he is a bloke, he is too bloody stupid to realise what he has done wrong, if you're pissed off, tell him, but I can absolutely guarantee that he will have no idea at all why you are ignoring him, there is no point, and it makes you look like a miserable cow

agree with minky. It was accidental. Why punish him for something that didn't happen anyway? You are being silly.

a bit harsh with the uninvited bit especially as he was bearing gifts.

You're over-reacting

When you dont have little ones around 24/7 it isnt second nature to think about all the potential hazards. Even when you do, mistakes and accidents still happen.

I'm sure your FIL did not intentionally set out to put harm in your DDs way so ignoring him is a bit childish tbh

she has been walking 3 months and climbs up everything including fireguard, thats why all the coasters are on the mantlepiece and we sold our coffee table. we always say mind your hot drinks near dd.
i agree she is always seconds from falling or bumping herself and we don't follow her every move but we have safety proofed and i just think he was careless but didn't even seem sorry, like it was dds fault for going for the cup.
tbh yes i do dislike him as he can be rude and things like bringing unwrapped xmas presents (although nice presents i admit) 6 weeks early when we have no room to store them and they have a 3 bed house for the 2 of them does annoy me. the presents are beautiful so it is ungrateful i suppose.

I don't like my fil either, so I can identify with it, but you ignoring him is completely counterproductive and puts dh in a difficult position inbetween you.
Sounds like he was excited about the lovely presents

From his perspective, he turns up at your place with lovely presents, then the next day you ignore him, the bit about your dd nearly knocking his drink over is such a non event he won't remember. Poor sod, probably thinks you hate the presents!

no the presents came yesterday on the same day as the drinks incident. they always come on a friday but asked if they could come thurs this week which they did, then fri they came anyway with the presents. the presents were lovely and i thanked them both very much, i obv didn't say where is the wrapping, i will just do it myself, but i did say dd couldn't have them till xmas as i want to do the santa thing and its a bit early. the uninvited things sounds bad but they would come every day if they could so we say come fri (normally) and dp pops in for a tea after work some nights but when they want to come round they turn up with a gift and even dp will say thanks but you could have brought it with you tomorrow.

I notice that lots of people who visit us and dont have lo's always put drinks in silly places .
I think Yabu but can understand you worrying about it just be friendly next time you see him and thank him for the lovely gifts .
TBH I get a bit overexcited when I buy someone a gift sometimes and want to show it off straight away .

It sounds as if you don't like your ILs very much anyway and this has given you excuse you needed to show your hostility. Children are always trying to do things that are potentially dangerous - most of the time they are stopped/can't quite manage it and give up. Blaming your FIL for putting his coffee on a piece of furniture that seemed to him to be out of her reach seems a bit hard-going.

You are over-reacting and Yabu.

You need eyes in the back of your head to ensure your child's safety and while it's nice if there's anothe pair of eyes to watch too, you have to be sure of who you are depending on. Your fil is probably out of practice with toddlers/babies otherwise would have been more aware of where he was putting his drink. I'm sure he wouldn't deliberately endanger his grandchild.

' i did say dd couldn't have them till xmas as i want to do the santa thing and its a bit early'

are you using their presents as Santa presents?!!

Why can't they turn up uninvited?
It sounds as though they were excited to give the presents. Did you invite them to come see your dd when she does open them?

i wasn't ignoring him to make a point as such, just that i am still angry about his thoughtlessness and lack of apology. i expected him to know really about hot drinks as he sees dd regularly so knows she climbs and a fireguard isn't somewhere i'd ever balance a drink.
You are right about the gifts though, they were excited about the gifts and wanted to see dd's face i suppose, i know dd is only little and probably wouldn't care if she had gifts now and not at xmas but to me xmas gifts should be opened at xmas.

all the presents won't be off santa as we will do thank you letters after as we did last year but they will all be under the tree xmas morning and all opened then.

We leave grandparent's presents at grandparents house under their tree. We call round for them for the children to open there. They love seeing the children's faces when they open them.

Does nobody know that Santa delivers presents from other people?

juule i would love that to happen so don't know why they brought them here so early, my dad is away for xmas so when i wrap dds things i will be storing them till xmas. they said they would get dirty at theirs cos of the dogs but they could have left them in the bag and put them up.