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Original poster

Not to buy xmas presents for BIL and SIL

40 replies

WobblyPig · 14/11/2008 23:55

We don't get on with either of them. they are very arrogant and at our last two family get-togethers have not said a word to either me or my husband.
My BIl has in the past been very rude about presents I have bought for him in the past and they never seem to put any thought into presnets they get for us. For my son's 2nd Birthday they bought him the same game they bought for his first birhtday.

They are also mega-rich so anything we but them will only be a token.

I don't want to seem churlish but they are unpleasant people and it seems hypocritical to send them presents but in the past I have always tried to rise above it and get htem something. Should I continue to make the effort?

OP posts:
nametaken · 14/11/2008 23:58

What about if you were to take a step back here and just let your hubby decide being as they are his family anyway (correct me if i'm wrong). And if he decides he wishes to buy them a gift, then leave him to sort it out and take it round.

Why haven't they spoken to you at the last 2 family get-togethers. Have you fallen out with them?

Original poster
WobblyPig · 15/11/2008 00:03

No nothing has happened to our knowledge but they just seem to have decided to curtail our relationship.
Good idea re: DH sorting it out. I always buy the presents so the decision always is in my lap. Not sure my DH would relish the present buying if he chose to go with presents.

OP posts:
Original poster
WobblyPig · 15/11/2008 00:03

No nothing has happened to our knowledge but they just seem to have decided to curtail our relationship.
Good idea re: DH sorting it out. I always buy the presents so the decision always is in my lap. Not sure my DH would relish the present buying if he chose to go with presents.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 15/11/2008 00:05

fgs you know what you are going to do but for thr record you sound like a nightmare and you are being unreasonable

Original poster
WobblyPig · 15/11/2008 19:35

Ronaldinhio - Thank you for your helpful comment. I do not know what I am going to do. I will probably take Nametaken's advice. Why did you post by the way?

OP posts:
OldBea · 15/11/2008 19:38

Just contact them and suggest not doing Christmas prezzies this year. Most people jump at the chance to get out of duty presents.

crokky · 15/11/2008 19:39

I'd send a card. I'd get DH to say would they mind if you didn't exchange gifts with them this year - they clearly don't need anything and are just going to give you stuff you don't want or need.

DH would need to give a reason, eg

-you've decided to just buy for children?
-kids will get enough toys at Christmas?
-economising?

bubblerock · 15/11/2008 20:01

Sound like prime candidates for an oxfam gift - get them a goat

GinghamRibbon · 15/11/2008 20:07

No, don't bother, the fact that they ignored you 'both' speaks to me.

If you must, as another poster says get them a goat and call it by the BIL name.

I would never ever buy a present for someone who ignored me at any event.

I have a very short Christmas list and the people who count are the ones you love and love being with you.

GinghamRibbon · 15/11/2008 20:08

Actually, have you bought them a goat before, because I was wondering about him being rude!

Some people deserve nothing.

Original poster
WobblyPig · 15/11/2008 20:14

Actually the oxfam gift sounds good. At least I would be doing some good to some one.

The rudeness was about a book which when unwrapt he said ' it's amazing how you tell immediately that you won't like something' paraphrased.

It doesn't so much bother me what they think of me but at our last family 'do' my DH announced to the family that we were expecting our second baby and his brother said nothing. No hand-shake or congratulations. it really hurts my husband but on the surface he pretneds it's not a big deal.

OP posts:
TheSmallClanger · 15/11/2008 21:09

Do they normally get you presents?

Portofino · 15/11/2008 21:25

I hope that Ronaldinio was posting on the wrong thread - because that was realyy rude! I think the idea of an Oxfam present is really good. If they are that well off it will be churlish of them to complain, if presented in the "right" way.

Portofino · 15/11/2008 21:27

PS We're not rich, but if someone bpught me a goat of something for Oxfam, I would be impressed by their thoughtfulness! Better than crap smellies....

BigTeuchLittleTeuch · 15/11/2008 21:31

get them whatever you get them last year...again

BigTeuchLittleTeuch · 15/11/2008 21:31

get got!!

Original poster
WobblyPig · 15/11/2008 21:31

Yes we have always got presents for each other. The presents are difficult on both sides because we know very little of each other lives and they have a lot more money than we do so can really afford to buy anything they really want.
They have three lovely girls who are a joy to buy presents for but they are hard to buy for.

I tend to spend quite a lot of time looking for the 'right thing' . In the past I have bought things when I have been on holiday looking for something different but haven't been away recently.

I don't want to seem petty at a time like Christmas which shoudl be about family and giving and building bridges but I also don't want to feel like a complete mug.

OP posts:
ilovemydogandPresidentObama · 15/11/2008 21:33

what is it with bils and sils?

My bil was telling me that they are embarrassed as to how much money they earn, which is absolute garbage as a few months ago, they weren't sure how they were going to pay the mortgage and hit up mil for money

We never see them, and it seems so false.

Am going to ask DP to tell them, 'no gifts' this year. Or any year for that matter

Portofino · 15/11/2008 21:35

Can you not get the kids a pressie each, but give them some vouchers (M&S, Next kind of thing) and say " We know you'd rather choose something for yourself"

Original poster
WobblyPig · 15/11/2008 21:44

These are all good suggestions and stuff I didn't think of, for some reason. Too close to the situation probably. Will run it pass DH.
Re: Roanldinhio - that was quite weird; hadn't occurred to me that they had posted on the wrong thread. I can only hope so.

OP posts:
elmoandella · 15/11/2008 21:47

we just give bil/sil a hamper. that way if they dont like it they can still give it out to visitors over the festive season.

Original poster
WobblyPig · 15/11/2008 21:49

Another good suggestion. People are way more inventive than me. Feeling inspired for Christmas shopping in general now.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 16/11/2008 01:27

not a crossed post

still think you sound like a nightmare

BBeingpatient · 16/11/2008 10:46

yeah but ronaldinhio you sound like a night mare on EVERY thread....talk about wannabe cod or something...least her opinions werent just rude and unkind for the sake of it, have you not watched Bambi!!!

Bubbaluv · 16/11/2008 11:06

In what way Ronaldinhio?