to think the organisor of parent & toddler group numpties

[elmoandella]

the school my dc are due to go to isn't private. but it only takes people from my estate. they built a brand "village" and school with it to hold the dc.

and i fear i am stuck dealing with these numpties for years and years to come.

i've gone along to their parent and toddler group for a while. to try and be involved with my community. as no doubt my dc are going to be friends with these people at some point.

but i find them and the way they are running this group absurd. several things

1. at the the group we must all take turn in dishing out the tea/coffee's. even when me, you have 2 dc under 3. little ankle biters we shall say. who i will either have to leave in the group unsupervised. or take into the kitchen facilities, where it is very unsafe and i shall be busy making 20-30 hot beverages and juice for all dc that are there.

2. they have a singalong time and refuse us to provide them with music. we just have to sing.

3)we pay £1.50. i have no idea what for. the room is a community room that is free of charge for use by whole village. all toys and equipment were donated by the village.

4)had thought perhaps the would use excess money for festive time/outings. but outings are all at your own cost/transport.

5. xmas party. we must give £2 per child. and bring them a gift (prewrapped with own dc name tag on it) of the value of £5 for each child. which shall be given to santa.

i've never heard of anything so ridiculous. thats going to cost me £14 for the xmas party for both dc.

next tues i'm going to a garden centre whereby kids get ride on tractor, nativity scene walk through and a present from santa for £5 each!!!

i see the organisors being lazy. i mean... how difficult is it to go to the pound store and pick up some little toy and wrap them for santa. i'd happily pay up to a fiver for them for party and santa. wtf is my £2 for if i have to do most the work myself. (gotta bring cake/food also each from a list)

and i dont see why i'm paying £1.50 for a tea/coffee if i have to make it myself.

i go to a few other toddler groups in this area. and every other one, the person that organises sorts out hot drinks.

when someone said they couldn't do hot beverages at the village one they were told they had to. the following week we were all made to sign a members contract saying we agreed to do tea/coffee when our name was pulled out of hat.

This makes me appreciate out group all the more.

It is run by a local church. It is entirely free of charge which includes loads of toys; snack and juice for the kids; tea, coffee and sensational home baking for the adults; a sweet at leaving time; a birthday card and present for each child (even if birthday falls during holiday period) and a Christmas present for each child from "Santa" plus sundry other treats (usually sweets)at Halloween and Easter. It was set up by a trio of mums who are all members of the church and the kitchen is staffed by a group of older women members.

Of course, not all groups could be run like this - it is funded by the church membership out of their giving - but it definitely works very well.

that's just given me an idea. I might suggest we get some cheap white plates, bowls, mugs etc and some paints for the kids to do. anyone know where i can get them from?

I ended up volunteering to run our M&T group for a term and after it swore I would never set foot in the place again ( just like the group leader before me so that tells you a story)

Is anyone paid to run your toddler group ? I'm assuming the answer is No. If this is the case then why the (sorry almost said rude worth) dickens would you think that its the group leaders responsibility to make the drinks every week ? Do you not drink the coffee and do your DCs not drink the juice ? Agree that its bad form for the organiser not to keep an eye on your DCs whilst you are in the kitchen, but perhaps you could just have asked one of the other Mums. Perhaps one of those like myself with only one child, who clearly have time on their hands.

My pet peeve at M&TS was those Mums who think that all the toys get themselves out of the cupboards by magic, and always dash off before clearing up time, then complain because the toy that their precious cherub wants to play with isn't out.

Arrgh hate M&Ts and thankfully so does DS we go swimming now and have a lot more fun.

Where in Scotland are you E&E?
(just out of pure nosiness!)

I am on a committee for a local toddler group, have to say the £1.50 does seem excessive - is that per child or per family? Ours is £1.50 but it covers you and however many kids you have (so a mother of ten would get an amazing deal!), plus hall hire, insurance, refreshments and new toys - we're just about to invest in a load of new ones.

We also have a hot drinks rota - parents are encouraged to sign up for it, it is not essential - the reason being that there is only a handful of people running the group and it does involve a lot of work - a bit of help and involvement from other parents is much appreciated. Believe it or not, the people running it are also there to socialise and watch their dcs interacting!

Like I said, toddler groups are hard work if you want to run them smoothly and efficiently... there is a fair bit of paperwork bollocks going on behind the scenes. We don't all LOVE the committee meetings, personally I see them as a necessary evil, but the admin is important as it benefits the group (and therefore a percentage of the local community) as a whole.

I do think the Xmas party 'pricelist' seems excessive though. Parents are required to bring food for the party but the charge covers a present, parent's mulled wine and snacks, and sometimes and entertainer/bouncy castle hire. All I can say is, if you resent paying for it, find an excuse not to go.

I'm sorry for you that it does sound a bit 'cliquey' can you not just grit your teeth until your dc starts playgroup then give it a miss?

BTW, re the lack of musical accompaniment... don't sweat the small stuff it really doesn't matter

Why cant people make their own tea?

Thats what happens at our group if you want tea get of your arse and make it.

hi, i'm going to stop going. as i get the opinion here that i'm in wrong. you seem to have mostly decided i'm the one who sits in corner and moans and doesn't help out while bitchin and running riot.

it couldn't be more from the truth.

afwiw the person who organises it has the unruley child that hits everyone elses and bites. another reason why i'm not keen on her watching my dc as i fear they will get bitten/hit or punched.

Why do so many AIBU's end like this?

AIBU?

Er, yes.

Flounce.

E&E, the general opinion seems to be that if the cliquieness is too much it would be rightly hard to deal with, but that moaning because someone has had to crack down to make sure everyone takes their turn at tea-making is a little precious. You have two choices - if, as you said, your dcs are going to be spending time with these children, it may be worth you gritting your teeth and carrying on, if you think there's nothing to be gained there, move on, don't let it make you unhappy.

snigger - i know exactly what kind of person i'm being labelled as. we have similar ones in my playgroup. dont help tidy/set up, dont join in, moan yet dont contribute, never offer to do their bit.

THIS IS NOT ME

but hey ho, if you want to just label me as one of those, fine then. i'll just fuck flounce off

Whispers

YANBU

Sounds awful and a waste of money to me.

Read the whole post.

I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I genuinely think the clique thing could be a problem. I have not in any way labelled you.

Ok My group help with tea and coffee on a rota so I get to do stuff with my son or organise a craft activity for all the kids. Everyone helps get the toys out and put them away at the end of each session. We have some jingle bells the kids can wave round whilst we sing. We pay £1.50/session me included. with these funds I pay the rent for the room, buy new toys if needed and buy tea, coffee, squash biscuits etc. We never turn down offers of toys. If we went on a trip the parents would have to pay extra to fund it. Christmas party costs about £2.50 per child for this they get a prezzie, balloon modelling and face painting. I also ask parents to bring a plate of something to eat (we pull a piece of paper out of a hat to decide what they bring so we get a variety of food for the kids).

If the parents didn't help out I wouldn't be able to do half the stuff we manage each session

I run a baby/toddler group and it's a constant uphill battle to get people to volunteer to open up and do the teas - everyone is a volunteer and if nobody volunteers then the group doesn't run... simple as that. The Xmas party stuff does sound a bit OTT (we don't do any of that), but the tea thing sounds ok. We all look after each other's children while the teas are being made (or if we're in the loo, whatever). If I were you I'd leave.

see here's where i'm getting confused. we seem to be paying same rate as everwhere else on average. but other groups afford to take out hire or room and insurance for same fee. and some even provide a proper snack. i.e fruit.

and on top of the free hire and insurance they get a grant. they were originally 50p to cover costs. but hiked it when people started commenting on how it was cheaper than others in area.no reason was given for price hike. but it was introduced same week as we had to sign contract.

We goto 2 toddler groups. One we started this year on a wednesday morning. Is 50p and they have toys donated and there are a few brand new ones this term. They only recently started a tea rota and I missed my turn as they didn't tell me, lol. Tom never eats the biscuits anyway. I don't have tea or i'd be scoffing biscuits. They have started doing a sing song as someone suggested it. We all help to clear away at the end. Not done a xmas party at this one but I think you have to buy a gift.

The thursday afternoon one is £1 and toys are donated. They have a nursery rhymme cd playing in the background throughout. Quavers are the wee snack, which Tom eats and I do have tea and a biscuit. We all help to clear away and theres a sing song to music at the end. Last year we didn't have to buy a gift for the xmas party.

if you are concerned, check out SPPA website which covers under 5's groups.
You may be able to raise your concerns with them

I used to run a toddler group...it was a big headache for me but I did it because I'd been going for a couple of years and was asked to take over when the old organiser left. We ran it pretty much as you describe...the £1.50 we charged covered tea, coffee, biscuits, craft stuff, new toys...we never had any over.

As for wrapping pound shop toys for your party....maybe you'd like to step in and shop, wrap and collect money for these. Crikey...running these groups is voluntary you know!

I am glad that neither of the groups I've attended with dd has had a rota for serving tea/coffee, etc. I understood that this is because the role of the parent attending with the child is to supervise their own dc('s). How can you do that if you have to go and sort out refreshments?

Anyway, it didn't seem to me that the OP was complaining about having to take a turn but rather it was about the organisers appearing to manipulate the rota for their own convenience at other people's expense.

Is it possible that my positive experiences are at least partly to do with the groups i've attended (all 2 of them) being run by churches - where volunteering is commonplace?

Well for what it's worth E&E, I reckon you've made the right decision in the end. Don't go any more and you and your ds go off and have fun doing something else!

lulurose - re xmas presents. read the whole thread. i did offer to do that.

E&E - my group does not pay for room hire or insurance either. The £2 goes towards providing tea/coffee/squash, a biscuit for each child, craft things and replacing new toys once in a while.

You haven't mentioned whether for the xmas party food is provided or everyone takes something in and you share it around. Do they have to pay someone to dress up as Santa?

Also does your group do birthday cards or presents?

Does anyone know if you have to be CRB checked to run a toddler group?