Or am I just being selfish and horrible?

[saltire]

Next week, Thursday we are driving 8 hours to Scotland for teh 25th wedding anniversary SIL, DH and I are pautting on for FIl and ste MIL.
On the way up we will stop for about 1/2 hour at my mums, she is an hour drive from ILs. We will leave the dog there, and go on to ILs. ON Sunday we are going back, stopping off at my mums again, for max 2 - 2 1/2 hours. During this time I hope to see my new nephew, who is now 4 moths old.
However, my old (as in 82) aunt has got 2 presents for my DSes from her,a dn 2 from my other aunt. They are at her house. She knows we are going up, and that we will be popping into see mum. Mum told her that it would only be for a couple of hours. She said that she ahd presents for us. Mum said that step dad would go round and get them, as we probably wouldn't have time to go round.
She said "if she wants the presents then they have to come and get them, I want to see them as well you know, I have a right.
The thing is you can't just pop in for 5 mins and say hello, and go again. Oh no she expects you to come in and have tea and cake and stay for at elast an hour. I'm not prepared to do this, I won't see my mum again until Easter,or my neice and mephew, and I haven't yet seen him, and want to spend the little time we have there seeing them. But I know she won't let the presents go to anyone else, and will be ringing my mum from 8am on Sunday wanting to know when we are going round and should she go to church etc etc.

Can she not come around to your Mum's house while you are there?

YANBU though, spend the little time you have with your family, she is trying to blackmail you into going to see her.

Does she normally give the DCs good presents?

Could youi stay overnight at your mums so your aunt could come round?

Was going to make the same suggetion, that she comes to your mums.

(where in scotland are you going [nosey emoticon])

MMM tricky one. Can't your stepdad go and pick her up and bring her to your Mum's house for half an hour before you leave? On the face of it it does sound like she has bought these gifts so that you will HAVE to go and see her, although I may be wrong.

Well she could come round to mums house, but then that means that time taken visiting mum would also be spent with her, becasue she will expect to be picked up the minute we arrive and then not leave until we do, defeating the object of us seeing mum (and step dad etc).

I don't think you sound selfish or horrible. Agree with MmeLindt - could she come to your mum's. Or could your mum have another word and sort of make out that actually you are only popping in very briefly to see her (your mum) and if there are traffic delays etc you may not even manage that.

I really dislike relatives/people who claim it is their right My inlaws are like this, constant whinging about how they might be missing out.

She always buys thyem presents. When we live din Scotland it was never a problem as we ahd a big family party at my cousins in Edinburgh a couple of weeks before Christmas, which we all went to,a nd the problem was solved

saltire you could sabotage things if she does expect to be there the whole time when you are at your mum's. Is she quite local to your mum? If so, visit your mum as planned, then your stepdad can offer to collect aunt half an hour before you are due to leave. I guess she may sulk? - but that is her problem. Is there a risk she may try to make her own way over to your mum's - if so don't tell her what time you are arriving, add an hour or two on.

(can't you tell I am used to second guessing difficult relatives?!)

lollipop- well that might work, but trust me she will be ringing my mum from 8am onwards "are they here yet?.What time will they be round/will I come down"

Your old aunt is trying to blackmail you into going to see her. This is not acceptable. Don't go.

Anna - thats what she does though. She is on her own, never been married or ahd children. She spend 99% of her time worrying aobut people. When my dad was alive, he was an ill man, and she would ring up 4 or 5 times a day asking if he was ok, when she visited or we visited her then she would just watch him the whole time. He was in and out of hospital a lot, mostly in Edinburgh, a good 2 hours from my mum and from my aunt. We didn't have a car, so my aunt would arrange lifts , but it was always her and my mum. She never once said "you go on your own" to my mum, or "take one of the children with you"
If my cousins are visiting they always stay with her, because she expects it, and if for example the younger ones say they are going to visit my mum, she has to go as well, all the time.Its like she feels she is missing out the whole time. If we are at family get togethers,a dn I for example am talking to my cousin about the DSes at school and my aunt is talking ot my other cousin about soemthing, when her and my cousin have stopped talking she will say "and what was that Saltire about teh Dses at school, tell me", if I say "oh it doesn't matter I was jsut chatting to X " she goes on and on "oh well, if you don't want me to know , I'm obviously not important". Even though the actual converstaion wasn't with her. She is like it with everyone.
But I won't be blackmailled. I shall jsut ring my other aunt and tell her why I ahven't been to collect the presents

The poor old dear is lonely! Can't you take pity on her? She sounds desperate to see you and your children. Would it be so bad if she was at your parents too? Or is she actualy a horrible person to be around?
I think the last half hour idea is the way to go. Just take the phone off the hook until you're ready to get her around?

YABU
Go and have tea with your lonely aunt at xmas time and give her a couple of hours of your time. It that really such an inconvenience? 2 hours out of your life.

she is blackmailing you! what an awkward situation though. (sorry no help am i)

Agree with nametaken. OK, it might seem like a big effort, but she sounds like a lonely old lady, make her day and go see her.

I actually don't think that she sounds like a lonely old lady. She sounds like a manipulative bully. Stand your ground, Saltire.

We live abroad and we used to get demands when we went home. Now we see the people we want to see and the rest can get stuffed. Especially the ones who don't make the effort to come and see us and expect us to fit around their wishes.

But MmeLidt, its very sad she feels she has to be manipulative to get her family to visit her.

She is a lonely old lady, could you not spare 1/2 hour to pop in. It would probably make her day, if not year.

There are always sacrifices to be made when it comes to extended family. Try to put yourself in her place. Maybe someday your neice and nephew may feel the same about you.
I would try to carve out some time for your Aunt. I would also drive there and if it goes badly you can leave. If it goes well then you may rethink seeing her again.
Her saying that if you want the gifts may be a retort to your not wanting to see her. She was thoughtful enough to get gifts (regardless of how grand they may be or may not). Up to you but I hope you will at least consider seeing her even if for a short time.

Half an hour out of 1 1/2 hours that I want to use to see my mum who I won't see again until Easter. My aunt sees my brother 4 days a week, she sees my mum almost every day.
I feel she is blackmailling me, and yes, she is desperate to see us and the children. I however am desperate to see my mum, I live 7 hours away from her in a place I hate, in a place where my children are unsettled. I will have spent 2 days with FIL, step MIL and cow SIL. I will have had to make an effort for DH sake to be all nice to them and pretend I like them. I will have had to cough up almost £500 to pay for the party becasue SIL decided she wasn't going to pay for any of it, so I will just want to see my mum,a nd moan about them all

Saltire, Can't you're Mum come and visit you? Feel so sorry for you in that situation I can understand how you feel.

Aw saltire - can't your mum come to stay with you for a bit? You sound as though you are really missing her (isn't that really the issue here?)

SOmetimes people are lonely because they are self-obsessed manipulative whiners, which is what this woman sounds like. The only way to deal with them is ignore the whining/treat them like naughty toddlers/basically stand up to them. DO what suits you.

I can see your point but she is 82 and she might not be around much longer.

I don't mean to sound morbid but every time I have this dilemma the person ends up dying . Next year she may not be around. Ask her to come to your mums and try to arrange another visit to see your mum soon as you are obviously needing her right now.

She told DB that she had a present for teh baby but he wouldn't get it unless he took teh baby round to her, along with Dbs daughter for a visit.

I think it's fair enough to want to see the child if she has a present. Bit mean to accept the present and not take the baby to see her. I totally understand that you want to spend time with your mum, but at least you can ring your mum anytime etc if you need a moan!