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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at childminder?

52 replies

lilacclaire · 12/11/2008 16:49

I usually am ousted as being unreasonable, so will take it on the chin if I am.

Childminder gets paid to watch ds for 3 days, she only actually watches him for 1 of those days, I need her to keep the other 2 days open for him though in case of the odd time I need to use her on those days.

On the one day that she does have him, there is no-one else to watch ds, I don't have any other option than to use her that day.

Have just been informed that next week she will not be able to watch him on this day as she is going to her daughters scan.

I presume daughters partner is not going as he cannot get time off work!!

I am at this, as no doubt the daughters gran will be running them up, so she will not be there herself anyway.

So aibu !!

OP posts:

PanicPants · 12/11/2008 18:25

You are not being unreasonable. The notice is far too short, isn't the notice period stated on your contract?

HeliumBee · 12/11/2008 18:35

Sorry but the scan is a very special thing and I think you can't expect her to give up special moments in her life to look after someone elses child.

daftpunk · 12/11/2008 18:41

yes, i understand a scan being a very special thing...but he's a little boy...it's not like the england rugby team will be in there with her?....maybe i'm just seeing it from my point of view..it wouldn't bother me at all.

MaureenMLove · 12/11/2008 18:43

Is this the first time in 4 years that she has given you very short notice or inconvenienced you? If so, I think you are being a little harsh to be so angry. Is there no way you could take time off yourself to look after him or maybe swap the day? You have two other days in reserve, afterall.

irishbird · 12/11/2008 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wezzle · 12/11/2008 19:00

I think a weeks notice for 1 day off is fine...as long as it's not a regular occurrence...what do you do if she's ill and can't give you any notice?

irishbird · 12/11/2008 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juuule · 12/11/2008 19:23

I don't think that she is being unreasonable asking for this day off. As for the length of notice she has given you, perhaps she has only just found out herself.

I do think that she is being unreasonable if she is charging you for that day when she is unavailable to have your ds.

pamelat · 12/11/2008 19:28

I would want to know why its such short notice.

I wouldnt pay her for that day.

Also, could she not put your child in a local (gym?) creche for an hour or two and collect him afterwards, saves you having to change your plans.

pamelat · 12/11/2008 19:29

I also dont understand why you pay her for 3 days and use only 1.

Can I have those 2 days when you don't need them ?

imnotmamagbutshelovesme · 12/11/2008 19:31

Why should the child but shoved off to a strange place with unfamiliar people?

ConnorTraceptive · 12/11/2008 19:36

I would be annoyed with only one weeks notice, but otherwise I don't think it's unreasonable of her to want to go.

With regards to taking the little boy with her, I know that our local hospital no longer allows children to be present during scans anymore.

Wezzle · 12/11/2008 19:37

Irishbird, most holidays are desirable and unneccessary but we are all entitled to them...and a weeks notice for one day off is not unreasonable imo.

As for being paid for the day off, the OP hasn't confirmed that this is the case...I've used childminders for the last 12 years and have never paid 'holiday pay'.

Shoshe · 12/11/2008 19:44

Paying for 3 days and only using 1 , is quite normal.

Why?

beacuse the OP said she occasionally wanted more than 1 day.

The only way she can guarantee that the space is available for her child on those occasional days, is to pay for them, if not the CM can let the space to another family.

If CM's didn't do this, either they couldn't take the Ops child when she wanted them to, or she would have two days a week when she wasn't earning.

Please remember as much as most CM's do this job, because we love kids. IT IS A BUISNESS.

As for whether she is BU, well she has given a weeks notice. What does it say in your contract? Mine states unless its illness or emergency, I give 4 weeks notice of time off.

What I would want time off for is entirely up to me, I don't have to tell parents (usually do tho, have no reason not to)

herbietea · 12/11/2008 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fizzbuzz · 12/11/2008 20:03

I thought childminders were meant to have a reciprocal agreement with another childminder to cover eventualities like this.
Mine does. If she has a hospital appt or an urgent dentist appt (like last week) dd can go to her reciprocal childminder.

I thought they had to have this by law. I have had 4 cm's in my time, and they have all had one of these....

juuule · 12/11/2008 20:08

Fizzbuzz, I know childminders that do this, but it isn't law. They arrange it between themselves.

Shoshe · 12/11/2008 20:19

Fizzbucket no it is not the law. What would a CM, who maybe is the only CM in a Rural Village do? Most of us do if we can, and if other CM's have a space, but it is not always possible.

glitterball · 12/11/2008 20:20

YANBU at all

if your cm has to take time off, i would expect, as fizzbuzz said, she would use her initiative and find someone to cover for her, and at very least offer you that option. she's obviously been a cm for some time so i would expect her to have some sort of arrangement with another local cm in place.

and i dont see why she has to go to the scan, or why her daughter can't go on her own, or with her gran- why does your cm HAVE to be there? (speaking as someone who went to all my scans on my own!)

if she wasnt getting paid i wonder if she would be taking the time off?

as for the what would happen if she was ill, ime cm's generally only take time off if really ill not just a bit unwell (by way of example, in nearly 10 years, & now being on my 5th cm, i can only think of one or two occasions in total when a cm was ill - and when mine were, they phoned another cm who had space to take my dc for the day...which comes back to my original point).

chloemegjess · 12/11/2008 20:34

Juule is right, they don't need to do this. And even if they did, the other minder might not have vacanices on that day

alibubbles · 13/11/2008 09:49

In theory, we all have named back up childminders, as advised, but in practice, they all up to numbers as childminders where I live are all over subscribed.

I took 3 under 2 with me last week to see my consultant, and will be taking them all again when I see the neurologist next week. They have been with been for blood tests too,

I was congratulated on my well behaved minded children, (I wouldn't expect anything less of them).

I go well prepared with drinks, raisins, story books etc, and the parents approval.

Original poster

lilacclaire · 13/11/2008 11:19

Wow, thanks for the responses, am still slightly miffed today.

I am at college at the moment and its a very busy time with assessments etc, I cannot miss any of these.

Its not the only time something like this has happened, although its not been frequent.

And yes she does get holiday pay, and she also charges double time for bank holidays.

tbh, Im thinking of just looking for another childminder. Ds told me that her daughter told him to shut up yesterday, am just ready to start swinging !

OP posts:

TinkerBellesMum · 13/11/2008 11:36

I often take TBD and Mum to my scans, depends who can get time off, sometimes one sometimes both. I love having Mum there even if I don't "need" her to take me. As for "professional not taking a day off to go to a scan" Mum's a social worker and one of the highest in her team. Why shouldn't a professional have a life?

I wouldn't want to take a child if I can help it, my CM is great and has rearranged our hours so that she can keep Tink there the whole time. Normally a scan at my hospital takes the whole morning: scan, MW assistant, MW, doctor. Each with waiting time in between!

juuule · 13/11/2008 12:51

"and i dont see why she has to go to the scan, or why her daughter can't go on her own, or with her gran- why does your cm HAVE to be there? "

I'm sure she doesn't have to go to the scan. But maybe she wants to. Maybe she wants to share this with her daughter. Maybe her daughter feels she wants to share this time with her mum. Maybe her daughter needs her mum's support. Who knows.

And I also went to all my scans without another adult. Might have been nice to have my mum there but she had a terminal illness when I was due my first and had died by the time I was pg with my second.
I also took my children with me to hospital appts. as it was very rare there would be any childcare available.

I wouldn't begrudge a daughter/mother time together at what is a very special time for some people if that's what they want.

NewspiritsFromOldghosts · 13/11/2008 12:54

Does she charge double time for not working a bank holiday or is it that she charges double if she has to work on a bank holiday? Am a bit confused.

If she is charging double but not working on a bank holiday i'd be looking for someone else when you consider that this has happened a couple of times in the past.

If however she is expected to work on a bank holiday i don't think charging double the rate is unreasonable.

Re the short notice, although i don't think anyone should rely 100% on their childminder (they are human not automatons) you clearly feel that she is not as reliable as she should be so i would look elsewhere to find someone who will provide care and that you feel is consistent.

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