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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to see ABUSED BABY threads popping up everywhere?

58 replies

QuintessentialShadow · 11/11/2008 23:19

I know, shoot me for doing it, too.

But I am blocking news topics as I am of a very anxious disposition and cant read threads like that.

Do we really need 2 of them in Chat????

(I am not posting on them as i wont open the links, WONT see it in threads I am on, etc....)

We have a NEWS TOPIC for a reason. snort.

OP posts:
BrotherPan · 12/11/2008 00:10

I recall hunkermunker making a similar request re restraint in thread titles, which I agree with. But with so many newbies along on a regualr basis it is almost impossible to establish such a mumsnetnetiquette.
The graphic titles are maybe too clumsily expressed, and rather insensitive, and perhaps designed ot attract posters to fulminate. IN any case, maybe HQ could include this in a 'guide' for new users??

NCbirdy · 12/11/2008 00:24

This answering unanswered threads plan won't work if other people keep bumping those threads up too

How about asking MNHQ for a majority veto too. That way if enough people ask for a thread to be hidden (out of hours) then the thread could be hidden until MNHQ is back in the morning? Perhaps it could require a %age of people logged in at that time....

Ok asking too much then

southeastastra · 12/11/2008 00:30

mn is sort of self regulating though and it was agreed a while back that stuff like this should be kept 'in the news', but i suppose the argument comes around every now and again

NCbirdy · 12/11/2008 00:33

I wasn't meaning they should delete threads, I was thinking more that they could just change titles before releasing it again.

Anyway, it is a silly idea, I can see people "ganging up" to get threads stopped (not proper mners of course) and such like!

glasjam · 12/11/2008 01:25

Over 2 weeks ago Yahoo posted a headline title with the "graphic" detail of this case that has made most people's stomach's turn. I was affronted and disgusted by that at the time and posted to see if anyone had the Yahoo address to complain to. I hoped to god that was the last I had heard of it but was sick to hear it hit the news again especially as the Yahoo headline stated that the perpertrator had already been sentenced for life imprisonment.

I am so sad that this case has reared its head again to sicken and disturb so many people - the poor child is dead and well out of it all - but the news reporting has only served to make a lot of people have images in their heads that they don't want to have. The sadness of the situation is that a child has lost its life - the details are gross but then at the end of the day is it useful for us to know these details? The only people that need to know these details are the people who's job is it is to recognise such things so as to prevent them ever happening again. WE don't need to know. But we do. And all that leaves us is sadder and sicker.

i have turned off the news every time I have seen that strange photo of stained baby vests on the news headlines. I don't know how they fit into this horrible story but all I know is that they are being used to make us feel more sick to the stomach. I don't think we need that - the mere fact that a child has not been cherished and cared for is enough to make us all feel ill.

I was told when I posted originally that I must live in a bubble and didn't I live in the real world. As if I was a bit of wuss for not wanting to know the details of this tragic case. I think the news does us a disservice when it thinks we need to know all this detail. . Like I say, only the people that have the actual, on the ground power to make this stop need to know all this. It is a job I wouldn't have the stomach for and I respect the social workers that have to deal on a daily basis with this end of mankind but I sincerely hope they are equippped to do the job properly - these social workers were sadly lacking.

I know there are a huge amount of posts about his on Mumsnet but lets not be too critical of that. It's a testament to the fact that there are lot of mothers (and fathers) out there who have been "infected" with hugely disturbing details of this case that cannot simply be shirked off.

2shoes · 12/11/2008 08:33

yanbu
what happened is terrible. but a thread in the news is all that is needed. I for one do not want to see it in chat(or here)

KerryMum · 12/11/2008 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoes · 12/11/2008 08:36

KM i think we are all horified, but do not want to see it everywhere

ScottishMummy · 12/11/2008 08:41

pertinent topic,should be discussed.open forum after all.no likey hide it

cupsoftea · 12/11/2008 08:45

Can I just add - What do you expect on a parenting forum - just cupcake threads?

TheNewsMonger · 12/11/2008 08:47

They do seem to report these cases so explicitly in the UK. I'm not suggesting they should be covered up or even glossed over, just to protect my delicate sensibilities, but....reading the threads on mn, it has just struck me that I don't know what anybody is talking about because I don't live in the UK. I'm sure it happens where I live, of course it does, but it isn't blown up into a massive news story with ever single upsetting detail gratuitously provided.

When I lived inthe UK I was regularly so distressed by certain newstories I literally couldn't push them out of my mind for months.

One about a 3 month old baby girl left with a male babysitter and then raped left me reeling with shock, I was pg at the time. Even now I wonder how that child is? It beggars belief both that people have such evil in them and also, so little control of their urges.. That male babysitter had a female accomplice if I remember correctly. Particularly shocking. To me anyhow.

ScottishMummy · 12/11/2008 08:49

hang on the repetitive trivia repeatedly on MN eg MIL/Weddings/kids at weddings.that irks

no one starts a thread saying enough with all this my mil is a monster/grapes in asda/parking space...and lets face it that is all trivial eye wash

the ramifications and reactions to child p have affected many of us

so you no likey hide the thred,but on an open forum people can chose any topic

so as much as i dislike weddings yakk yakk i ignore

TheNewsMonger · 12/11/2008 08:51

ps, I was talking about whether the amount of detail provided in news stories is right/too much, not whether it should be discussed on MN or not.

Every subject should be thrashed to death on MN!!

cali · 12/11/2008 08:53

Have just learned that you can hide threads without having to open them.

If you go into Customise Talk board, you can change your settings to show "Hide Thread" facility which will then show at the right hand side of the titles in Active Conversations.

Can then hide threads that will upset/annoy/bore/not interest etc without having to read any of the content.

CrushWithEyeliner · 12/11/2008 08:54

YABU

Sweeping abuse under the carpet is the reason why children are kept with abusers and killed. Surely this recent case proves that.

ScottishMummy · 12/11/2008 08:55

if it offends your sensibilities hide it,but allow other to post and discuss as they wish

solidgoldbrass · 12/11/2008 09:23

It's hardly 'sweeping abuse under the crpet' to point out that 600 threads full of ullulating and and the usual SUn-type 'Hang them all' no-brainer ranting doesn't actually do a lot to help children who are being abused.
Also, this thing about people 'needing to vent'. Actually there are some schools of thought that the more you 'vent' ie blubber and rant and generally go on about stuff - particularly stuff that actually has fuck-all to do with you - the more you upset yourself to no purpose at all.
THe culprits have been punished and the victim is long dead and therefore beyond help, giving yourselves nightmares is stupid as well as unecessary. Why not make a donation (of time, money or used goods or whatevever) to the NSPCC and then go and watch Sex and The City with a nice cup of tea?

Original poster
QuintessentialShadow · 12/11/2008 09:34

Discuss?

It is just sensationalism. Badly masked as "horror at the incident".

It is more the shock tactic headings rather than people discussing it that I find in poor taste.

If people wanted to actually discuss it, they would post in news.

And not just show sad faces and have a go at perpetrators.

Nothing but sensationalism to post such threads, with such graphic headings in Chat, which most mumsnetters have NOT hid, due to its usual innocent nature.

OP posts:
smugmumofboys · 12/11/2008 09:39

YANBU

I hide any which come up and had a news 'blackout' at home as I just can't bear to hear the details of yet another poor child's murder. I'm probably oversensitive but I'm incapable of just 'letting go' of such stories.

TheNinkynork · 12/11/2008 09:42

By KerryMum on Wed 12-Nov-08 08:35:01
i think if a baby suffered so desperately I can take a few minutes out of my nice little life to be horrified. Not a pleasant experience but ffs the baby went through much much much worse.

Absolutely.

Talia22 · 12/11/2008 09:56

I really find your comment "go and watch sex and the city with a nice cup of tea" quite offensive in this context solidgoldbrass.

I'm normally on principle against avoiding such topics (because we have a duty to confront evil) but I do sympathise with people not wishing to think about baby cases as there is some unique horror in anyone able to do such things and it is almost too much to take on board. I have found myself turning off the news, and not looking at the threads.

There was a similar case in Horam, Sussex a few years back and I had nightmares about it afterwards. How can you not?

Tiggiwinkle · 12/11/2008 10:05

I think it is important that people are kept aware that this kind of thing goes on. Just because you don't think about it does not mean it does not happen. It is the duty of everyone of us to be aware and to notice anything untoward-and take action if necessary.

NCbirdy · 12/11/2008 10:07

Thanks NewsMonger, anothre image to add to the file in my head

southeastastra · 12/11/2008 10:09

we are aware, most of us buy newspapers, watch tv and look at the news online. some of us don't want 20 million threads discussing it though do we.

MmeLindt · 12/11/2008 10:13

Oops, just posted on the other thread about this.

I agree with Quint.

I wish to avoid these news stories as I don't feel that they prevent abuse happening. If that were so then the lessons learned by previous cases would have prevented the suffering that the baby had to endure.

I don't know how to prevent something like this happening but I suspect that all the wailing and that goes on is more about the posters feelings than anything else.