for not being able to stand or want to spend time with the MIL

[wahwah1270]

I,m sure I'm not alone but the MIL is rude obnoxious interfering treats DH like her baby and is inappropriately controling of him, she likes to spend time with DD and DH "her family" but barely tolerates me. I spent half the weekend (we had the pleasure of her copmpany) in tears and a nervous wreck and am still no calmer today. She tells Dh to do something and he instantly obeys her, she will take DD off on long walks without asking me, she thinks she knows best on everything, she tries to get DH on her own without me when normally weekends are our time and we do everything together cos we dont see much of each other in the week. I'm at breaking pint today, this happens every time we see her, should i say something to dh - i canbt stand much more of this.

Having said that: yes I agree your first route should be through your husband. But I would write down exactly what is bothering you and what you are going to say first.

Controlling people like this have a great way of making things very insidious: meaning she (and your dh if he doesn't see the problem) will always be able to say: "Oh but I/she was only trying to help" etc etc cue wounded look and guilty feeling on your part. You need to be ready to react calmly.

You must say to him: whatever has happened in the past, you now know that it upsets me very much and can you please step in and take my part when I need you to.

The alternative is standing up and saying it yourself. It may be that you can be extremely firm on her next visits without actually saying anything, so that she gets the message. But you sound so distressed that really it could be beyond your power right now.

excellent posts, bluueskyandsunshine

wahwah1270, are you out there? how's it going? hope you are feeling a bit better.

Poor you

My MIL is toxic. I have been an avid poster of her terribleness and my dh has spoken with her many times and I have too now and she still won't change becvause she is a thick skinned posioness woman who knows exactly how to get her own way. She has this I am sweet but thick persona which makes me think she couldn't possibly be black inside but she is.....
Urgh can you tell I have to see her this weekend!