To think women who have more than 3dc's are slightly special --mental--?

[grumblingirl]

DP and I are having an on going discussion about having a third child. He wants one, I'm ricocheting between thinking it's a good idea to thinking it's a terrible idea(numerous reasons). So I've been spending time with friends who have larger families to try and get a grip on how they work.

It has been the biggest eye opener ever. The mums who I've spent time with who have three children are busy and stressed (some have twins, some singles) but their life doesn't seem that far removed from my life with 2 boys.

The mums with 4 or more children, I can't stress enough, it's like a whole new world. The fights, the bigger cars, the need for space, the amount of washing, the toys, the food. Am I being unreasonable to think it takes a very
crazy special kind of person to embark on bringing up 4 or more children? I do respect them, I'm probably even a bit jealous but honestly how do they put up with them? And do you think it turns into more like crowd control than parenting when you go past 3?

Sorry to be heavy - but "mental" ??Can't you think of a less offensive term?

My friend and her dh have 11 between them. They are the most polite, well mannered, well behaved children I have ever met.

Her opinion is that they know for the house to "function" there has to be rules which must be followed as obviously if she spent her time chastising them then with there being so many there would be no tea, etc.

My dh is currently on at me for no 4 to even out the number!

I think we are all mental, we live in a crazzzzy world muther fuckers

eilidhfi - you're right that its impossible to separate cause and effect but IME there does seem to a correlation between larger families and more independent, less self centred offspring and I think sb6699's friend operates in the same way as me, but with much larger numbers. It's easy to generalise and I certainly don't advocate more children in the hope of better behaviour from the ones you already have.

what does that make me , 8 kids ,3 step 5 birth ,?? i must be really bonkers.more you have the easier it gets; mine pair off and amuse each other.they also help with housework if im struggling with it and help each other with homework ect.i think im the luckiest mum alive because i have 8 beautiful, amazing kids and i love every second .

I hope you're right about the less self-centred bit, n54je, in the long run. At the moment I can't see it, but I live in hope.

I don't mind the 'mental' bit, I take it in good humour. I have friends/relatives bowing down and saying "Respect!", wrt to me having 4 kids and they only have 2-3. But then they've had kids for 20 years longer than I have, or they've had 3 kids with SN, or done home-ed -- all realms where I would tremble to tread.

I know a lady with 6, including 3 preschoolers, and they are such lovely nice kids, she is SOOOO even-tempered with them (whereas I have a short fuse). She's my idol, swoon!

i have four boys, the middle two are twins so we thought we would have 1 more to even it out. im not mental maybe slightly unusual in some ways but its up to me. the amount of kids you have is your decision. as long as your not having loads and expecting the state to pay for them why not? have as many as you think you can afford. i would say once youve had 3 having any more doesnt seem to make much differance. i would love to have more but cant afford it. might adopt in the future as i dont want to risk trying for a girl and getting another boy or twin boys!