To think women who have more than 3dc's are slightly special --mental--?

[grumblingirl]

DP and I are having an on going discussion about having a third child. He wants one, I'm ricocheting between thinking it's a good idea to thinking it's a terrible idea(numerous reasons). So I've been spending time with friends who have larger families to try and get a grip on how they work.

It has been the biggest eye opener ever. The mums who I've spent time with who have three children are busy and stressed (some have twins, some singles) but their life doesn't seem that far removed from my life with 2 boys.

The mums with 4 or more children, I can't stress enough, it's like a whole new world. The fights, the bigger cars, the need for space, the amount of washing, the toys, the food. Am I being unreasonable to think it takes a very
crazy special kind of person to embark on bringing up 4 or more children? I do respect them, I'm probably even a bit jealous but honestly how do they put up with them? And do you think it turns into more like crowd control than parenting when you go past 3?

Do you mean "slightly special" in the way that ignorant people say it when referring to someone with learning difficulties?

My parents always wanted 6 and my mum was pregnant 6 times but lost two babies. She's an only and I think she wanted to experience a bigger family.

I know someone with 10 kids. That's a very busy house!

I wasn't mental before no.4 was born, but now (especially after a morning trying to control no.4 in town) I am mental. So no YANBU.
I found the jump from 3 to 4 much harder than 2 to 3. House is a tip and I feel much more stressed - that is because no.4 is different to my others .... she will not be controlled or even guided gently in the right direction! Having said that I love it.

harleyd sheep are easy, it's like herding feckin' cats

Her words, rhubarb. Of course she loves them, but she didn't 'choose' to have them.

Nope I meant 'slightly mad'. Sheesh the semantics round here. I'm at work, I'm typing fast, I'm not editing and monitoring every word I write.

am actually surprised at your sloppy language, grumblin... esp if you work in some sort of social service role.

She 'chose' to have unprotected sex though. If those are her words then her last two children have my full sympathy.

If she didn't want them she could have given them to families who did. I hope she doesn't speak like that in front of the poor little mites. My dd wasn't planned but she is very much wanted now.

lol @ herding cats!

None of grumlin's posts come across as rude to me but I only have one child so am only 25% mental

We don't know that she had unprotected sex Rhubarb

what is up with MN at the moment?

and thrice

I have 4 but I'd be the first to say its really not for everyone, I'm organised by nature, pretty easy going, able to ignore continuous background noise and quite happy not to have a life of my own for a few years.If you're not any of these I'd think very carefully, I love it and I'd have more but I suspect my friends think I'm more than "slightly special" lol

Er no my response to people who say I don't know how you manage is usually, if my kids behaved the way your (2 usually) do then I wouldn't cope either.

"I'm ricocheting between thinking it's a good idea to thinking it's a terrible idea"
Me too, and I have 3...

eilidhfi - I can see why they would be construed as rude. I've just spent all morning with 15-17 year old boys and my sloppy language is due to that. Hand duly slapped. Sorry if I've caused offence.

Lockets - that's what I would be afraid of you see. I'd want to be able to parent all four as individuals but I don't know if I have the patience or the ability. Come 8.30am when I'm getting them all out of the door I'd be herding them and shouting. There are twins in both mine and dp's families so having 4 children is a real possibility for me. It's the leap from 2-4 that's terrifying me.

My mother is one of 11. My grandmother is quite simply superwoman.

I can see why it would be as well but I can also see that that wasn't your intention.

@ KatieDD

KatieDD - I agree, my boys are no angels but I do get complimented on their behaviour. I think that having more siblings does give you an understanding that "its not all about you" and they need to behave to allow the family to function and sometimes (often) you're not the one with the most pressing need and you just have to wait.

n5rje surely that means that the (usually 2) little horrors that katiedd was talking about would be as well behaved as your children had they 2 more siblings?

In all honesty that's why we had our third and may have a 4th.
The first child was a PFB, the 2nd a bloody nightmare, if all I had to worry about was those two they would have ended up ruined, think Sharpay x 10.
They probably don't get enough attention in some peoples eyes but I think that's a good thing, I know some people with 2 children still tying their 6 year olds shoe laces, that won't be happening in my house.

I'm the eldest of five and growing up was great - chaotic, but fab. My mum is a catholic and so birth control wasn't really thought of!

I have just had my second and would love a third but DH is having none of it. Have to say that the washing with just two is amazing!

I have the utmost admiration for anyone who has more than two - having just two is hard enough!

it was 0 to 1 that blew my mind. 1 to 2 is proving a delight so far. feel like i actually have enough to do at last and love the interactions they have together...but much of that is luck of the draw with complementary personalities i think. i sure can see how i could manage more, but can't have more cos of dire health straits.

have had to develop a way of deflecting people who ask if we having more, which doesn't involve long and slightly sad justifications and waaaay to much medical detail. we've come up with ducking our heads, lowering our voices and saying 'no, never let them outnumber you...'. glosses over things with quiet humour.

Ah see 0-1 wasn't too bad for me. It was 1-2 where it all went pear shaped so I am nervous about increasing the numbers. I do think if your children have got complementary personalities it would be good to have a few.

I quite agree with thread title, I have 4!