to have just shoutd at my children and now they are both crying.

[mou]

Because I am absolutely fed up of them arguiing and bickering within seconds of being in each others company.
I have never shouted at them like this before and I feel crap but I am sick and tired of it.
We don't get to school in the morning without it and this will continue until bedtime if my son stays in.
I mostly ignore it and only get involved if I am sure of what has gone on. They wind each other up over the pettiest of things and vie for my attention, I give one a hug or some fuss and immediately the other is being mardy.
I give them both lots of attention, take DD(5) running, and DS(10) cycling, do their homework with them, talk about both their days but the minute they are not the centre of my world it all falls apart. I give lots of praise and compliments and make sure life is as fun as we can afford.

We have three pots of money, they have one each and one is mine. If they are mean or misbehaved they lose money, either to my pot or to each others pot, but good behaviour earns them money from mine, but at the moment even if I remind them it lasts five minutes.

I am tired, demoralised and not enjoying being their mum any more. Now I am bloody crying. I am on anti- depressants but work very hard at being positive and calm for their benefit. I know it has upset them to see me flip ( I have not said anything unkind or inappropriate but did shout very loud). I always give a big smile when I see them and talk positively but what for? We only walk 3 or 4 hundred yards home from school and they can be at each others throats by the time we get to the front door.

I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE.

No advice for you as I am having a similar day. They are either best friends or worst of enemies.

How about putting a DVD on so you can MN in peace?

oh sweetheart, (((((((((((()))))))))))

DS has actually gone out, but they would normally fight about that as they have such different tastes. We have to have a rota for breathing in this house otherwise they argue.

I am in the same boat. I am wondering HOW the hell can I get some control over my children right now.

I feel like I've tried everything. Reward charts, penny in their jar etc, just like you.

If I try to implement the punishment though, taking a penny out of dc1's jar or NOT giving her a sticker, she whinges and whinges and whinges and negotiates and whinges some more.

I can't face these conventional reward systems anymore. They may work for other people but not for me.

I am a single mum and I don't know if that makes it harder (because it was hardER when I was with their dad tbh, as he was a useless arse, so I felt resentment on top of frustration!).

My dd wriggles and won't co-operate when I try to get her dressed. I'm thinking of sending her to school half dressed with no homework tomorrow, because I just can't face the battle to get her dressed and do her homework. She's six fgs!! Everything is such a struggle. She's out now thank Goodness

I still argue and fight with my sister I am 24 she is 23

mou, they won't break if you shout.
I think sometimes kids need to know that they have overstepped, and that you don't have an infinite reserve of patience.

Stop feeling bad - it sounds like they pushed and pushed, and they deserved it.

Oh liffey, isn't it hard. I have my H at home but he is a bit hit and miss with support and I don't want to go there. for you.

pingping, I know some siblings don't 'get on' but would be there for each other in a crisis, I try to accept that this is the nature of their relationship and I can't force them to like each other but it is so hard to live with.

They occassionally have moments when they are breathtakingly good together and it melts my heart....but few and fer between

OK - you have shouted at them - shown them you are human and that this is really getting to you. When you feel up to it, you can sit them down and tell them how much it upsets you to hear them arguing all of the time. You live in your house too. You have a right to be there without other people arguing all of the time!

You can talk with them about solutions. Your 10 year old, particularly, is old enough to help to suggest solutions - how can arguments be avoided? Who usually starts it? If one has started, what should happen? Everyone falls out with siblings now and then, but it shouldn't be the status quo.

(Do they have separate bedrooms? When mine are bickering, they are sent to their rooms, separately, until then can find a way to come down and co-exist in a civilised way. It gives them chance to cool off, have some space and think about what they are going to do when they come down.)

HTH. We live in a really small house, where I can't escape from the sound of arguing, so I really feel for you.

don;t feel bad.........we all have days were everything builds up to a degree that we end up shouting and sounding like a fishwife.

it is stress, bringing up children.....life in general. We all have a picture in our heads as to what we imagine ourselves to be as a mum, and yet we forget that in fact, we cannot really truly have that as the childrens personalities and other factors will not allow it to be like we dream IYGWIM.

sometimes I think we should aspire to be 'good enough' rather than 'miss perfect'......and take a lot of pressure off of ourselves.

soothing hug tho......however bad you feel about this, it won;t be what the children remember for long, and if nothing else, it will show them that mummy is not 100% able to give in to them all the time.

My 10 yr old has anger management issues and it is on a number of other threads. I get 'sorry' off him and told he will try harder but is incapable of following it through.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel that I can not get off.

My 5yr old is easier to reason with and tries harder, and I,try to give DS space as he is getting help and I can't expect him to change overnight.

Small house also....sometimes I put my personal stereo in one ear to blot it out a bit..

They could start a world war over who sits in which corner of the sofa...we even have to have a rota for that! I am such a mug.

Pouring you all drinks, ladies. It is such hard work.

I am currently waiting for dh to come home so I can have a glass of wine. I have also made the ten year old cry as she was exhibiting bitchy behaviour over her homework.

I think about this a lot. I was the middle child when we were kids and we argued pretty much from when we woke up to when we finally fell asleep at night.

My mum used to threaten to bang our heads together and I have a shameful memory of her sitting down and weeping because we wouldn't stop arguing.

The thing is, I felt then that it was all his/ her fault (by bro and sis) and in a bizarre way, I still do. They both used to nick my stuff and it's not faaaaair etc etc.

I have no insight into how to get kids to stop arguing but I really feel for you. Makes me feel a bit guilty about my own mum actually

I don't drink cory (sulky emoticon). Blardy good reason to start again methinks!

Wouldn't like to say out loud some of the things I have thought!

MorrisZapp..I think it is just the nature of the relationship between some siblings. I got on with my bro. But H didn't get on with his and there is still a lot of angst between them.

I just don't 'do' arguments anyway, unless I am really pushed, so living in this house is something of a challenge. They are actually a little better for my rant earlier and I am better for MN....bless you all

Isn't bedtime wonderful? It's soooo quiet and someone took the blender out of my head.(serene emoticon)

Do you like chocolate mou? You can have some of mine

Mmmmmm chocolate, accepts sticky handful and sinks into relaxed state...thanks GS.

[accepts gin and tonic from Cory]

Mou, my children are a bit young to argue but I know how you feel...

I was up all last night with a fractious baby (DS2)and when i did sleep I kept having bloody nightmares about dying on the sodding Titanic with my kids.

DS1 woke up at about 3am this morning wanting a drink then wanted to come in my bed so I let him. He then proceeded to toss and turn for a couple of hours and didnt get back to sleep until about 6am and then he had to get up at 8. All of this meant of course that I was knackered and bad tempered the whole day and so was he!

I have done nothing today but shout and DS1 has done nothing but wind me up (refusing to get dressed/pulling the baby out of his bumbo seat headfirst on the floor/spilling paint on the carpet after I told him not to take paint there...I could go on). I'm even ashamed to admit that i smacked him after he hurt the baby...

But tomorrow is another day...

**nips off to fridge to get a glass of wine despite DS2 being due his bf shortly

YANBU at all!
bloody well do them good to realise you have feelings too. dont worry about it. shouting can be quite effective when its only done rarely, it gets their attention.
Tryharder, i have to say i think your ds deserved a smack after hurting the baby, so dont worry about thay either.

Do you know what I really think it is a good thing to occasionally absolutely bollock your kids, the world is not all pink and fluffy and I think they need to understand and learn to cope with anger and frustration, if I go over the score or say anythign I regret I apologise to them and try to explain what got me to the point of losing it but I honestly think it is good for them to see the effect their actions are having instead of constantly bottling it up,

Being tired really fecks you up doesn't it? Thats why they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture. I probably made a mistake in admitting I was tired and unwell to them so the little buggers darlings ganged up on me.

I just slip into guilt mode so easily, and it does break my heart that they don't get on.

AAAArrrrgggghhhhh. 5 minutes, 5 bloody minutes and he is at it already. Woke him up, nice cuddle, walk put of room and he is in wind up mode.

I am calm, serene, dignified, I will not be a shouty mum, but FECK!!!!!!

I've had 3 1/2 hrs sleep.

Permission to foam at the mouth please.

Actually, permission to superglue his lips together please.

YANBU don't give yourself such a hard time - unfortunately that's life with kids. Buy your self some ear plugs and start drinking lots of wine and eat as much chocolate as you need to

I had a day like this yesterday. Mine are much younger (2 and 4), but DS1 winds DS2 up constantly. Just for the sake of it.
I screamed at them, I am 38 weeks pg, and sick of it.
No advice really just lots of sympathy.