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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that being a single SAHM on benefits is not a 'lifestyle choice' but .........

361 replies

Littleredshoe · 05/11/2008 14:57

basically scrounging ?

Surely being lucky enough to SAH with your children comes IF you can afford it? Either because you work part time, or have a partner who provides for you to do this.....

To just 'decide' that you 'prefer' not to work and live off benefits (when you are fit to work) is ridiculous and it makes me bl**dy angry that I pay tax to enable others to sit on their arses......

maybe I am ? But ......I bet there would be a lot less feckless teenage mothers if the 'right' to benefits and SAH was withdrawn.....

OP posts:
Liffey · 06/11/2008 11:23

But that's a different issue I know, DV adn VA. I shouldn't be clouding one issue with another. But this isn't just theory. It's real life, and ond thing overlaps with another in real life. Nothing is ever as black and white as it seems when you're sitting in a comfy Poang reading the Daily Mail tutt tutting.

Liffey · 06/11/2008 11:26

Thanks custy.. Good post. Have tears in my eyes... who'd have thought. a post of custy's would hae made my eyes moist over. won't tell anyone.

But I have a plan too.

KatieDD · 06/11/2008 11:26

I have no problem with supporting single mums, none what so ever but it should be done so that it's as uncomfortable as possible and nobody in their right mind wants to do it.
And at the moment, it aint like that.

mrsmortenharket · 06/11/2008 11:37

katie nobody in their "right mind" would want to be a single parent but would you lump us all inthe same boat? are you a single parent? all due respect, katie, i am a single parent and it was my decision but one i had to make as i was no longer happy in an abusive relationship and it was affecting my beautiful daughter who was starting to bite her nails continually (she no longer does) and have nightmares. woudl you rather i had stayed in that bad relationship where no-one was happy and subject my daughter to further unhappiness just to appease your mind??????

Tortington · 06/11/2008 11:37
Wink
KatieDD · 06/11/2008 11:42

Would you have thought twice about leaving if you'd had to support yourself because with respect your happiness isn't my problem, neither is your child's, that's for you to finance.
My kids aren't happy they can't go to Lapland

KatieDD · 06/11/2008 11:43

Being beaten or in anyway abused is quite a different matter of course and that's what we need to get back to benefits being a safety net that's all I'm saying.
HOw we do that is buy making it less financially attractive to be on them so we raise min wage or we reduce benefits.

NotDoingTheHousework · 06/11/2008 11:45

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NotDoingTheHousework · 06/11/2008 11:47

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KatieDD · 06/11/2008 11:49

HAving spent many an afternoon speechless with people who think £60 is a fortune, (once you add tax credits and housing benefits and council tax benefits and CB etc it does mount up) I can tell you for a fact that you are judging by your own standards.
There's no way I could live on that amount but if it's all you've ever known then it's a lot of money. And the alternative is to find a job paying £300 which with or without children some people are not capable of.

Lurkinaround · 06/11/2008 11:55

KatieDD, you said that all mothers should be at home when the children are under 5 but you are also saying that, if they don't have a partner, then it should be made as uncomfortable for them as possible? Or is it that only once the children go to school?

By 2010 all lone parents will be required to be available for work once the youngest child reaches 7. If they fail to take up a job offer then their benefits may be cut by up to 40%.

Your wish is about to come true.

KatieDD · 06/11/2008 12:03

And in 2010 all schools are meant to be providing wrap around care is that right ?
So that should work out perfectly.
There needs to be a different criteria based on how people become single parents rather than lumping people altogether because as I've said before people on here probably would rather work than be poor, you won't get anybody admit that they are actually quite happy with their 2 kids and rent being paid and no really financial worries.
My brothers ex girlfriend is one of literally hundreds of examples of young girls who had no intention of ever working, talked my brother into a couple of kids, claiming benefits the whole time he was supporting her financially but not allowed to live with her and even now he isn't giving her money she, by her standard of living is just fine.
Maybe we are the fools going to work and struggling to buy our kids organic food and boden, it certainly feels that way at times, cos she isn't stressed about anything.

wabbit · 06/11/2008 12:13

by your argument Katie... you just need to lower your pretentious standards and stop working

Then you'll 'have no really financial worries'

pingping · 06/11/2008 12:32

KatieDD your brother should give his EXGF money for his children and put it through the system.

What is it with Boden clothes are they really that good?

Also all those who stick there noses up at single mothers on benefits and feel the need to judge how do you know that in the future you will not be one of them people on benefits?

My Mother always moaned about people on benefits and how she has to pay so much taxes but these waste people get to sit on there arses all day etc and so on after 30 years of working she now has to claim benefits for medical reasons.

No one knows whats round the corner I am sure a large percentage of women do not go out to get pregnant so they can spend there lifetime struggling to live.

A good friend of mine is on and off benefits due to her partner being a painter and at the moment there is no work there so they have to claim benefits else there 2 daughters would not have a roof over there heads. They basically live off a £120 a fournight between 4 people I have watched her struggle and come through the other end I don't think KatieDD that they can make it any harder for parents that need to claim benefits

whispywhisp · 06/11/2008 12:33

Here's a good example of how crap the benefits system is...

Mate of mine has just had her 4th baby. Her other 3 kids are at school. She and her partner lost their house 6mths ago - repossessed. She doesn't work. He does, occasionally. They went into private rental which they are now having to leave because they can't afford the rent. He is now not working and doesn't want to. He'd rather sleep all day and smoke/drink at night. She split with him a few weeks ago because she simply couldn't carry on with how it was at home. She went to stay with a couple of mates and took the kids with her. She went back to him because she had to leave where she was staying. She is now trying to get a place to live and the DSS have said they will pay the rent providing she lives there with the kids on her own - the rent on this new place is £800 a month. The DSS will pay all of this. She will also get IS and help with her Council tax. I asked her that does mean she will permanently split from her partner...reply 'oh no, I just won't let on to anyone he's living with me' - so should he decide to go back to work they'll have an income and live in a rent free property plus claim benefits and he will remain registered as living with his Mother.

And that's ok?

...and whilst on the subject of single mums....I don't envy you bringing up kids on your own. Its a tough job for everyone...being a parent. But only the other day I overheard a conversation going on between a group of very young Mums...and by this I mean teenagers...who had about 5 buggies between them and I heard one say...'Oh, I've got a house off the Housing and I ain't going to work...I'll just keep having babies!!!'.

Is that ok then?

Neither case is ok. Its abusing the system and its wrong.

ilookbetterwithdrink · 06/11/2008 12:36

of course thats not ok. it is benefit fraud and the couple should be reported.

there is a very big difference between people cheating the system and those who are unable to work and claiming what is rightfully theirs

whispywhisp · 06/11/2008 12:39

But do you not also think it is wrong that people are claiming that can work but don't because they can't afford the drop in income?

jesuswhatnext · 06/11/2008 12:42

katie, i think you should take your moral stance and talk to your brother, why is he not supporting his children? why are we, tax-payers, supporting his children?

i don't care weather she 'tricked him' into having a family, the bottom line is he has, now bloody well pay for them!

AnarchyAunt · 06/11/2008 12:43

Why is your brother not payng to support his kids, katiedd?

Liffey · 06/11/2008 13:22

KatieDD, not sure what you mean. I thought about nothing but leaving for well over a year before I did it. I did it when I knew it was possible to do so without my children suffering MORE than they were already suffering.

You seem to have no understanding of right from wrong. You take a swipe at single mothers who can NOT earn more than childcare.

Yet, your brother has a child he doesn't support and you condemn the mother of his child!

You sound an absolute charmer. There's no point arguing with some people. They are just too nasty grasping greedy and judgemental to see things clearly.

Liffey · 06/11/2008 13:25

MrsMortenHarkett, glad to hear your daughter is happier now. My own dc1 had regressed back to pants wetting at 4. When we left, she quickly stopped.

But. From the outside we looked 'acceptable' and 'respectable'.

It's better to sort your life out from the inside out. TO know things are actually working, not just appearing to be working.

There'll always be the odd loon five steps to the right of ghengis khan, but what can we do about that?!

StewieGriffinsMom · 06/11/2008 13:33

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Liffey · 06/11/2008 13:46

Yes! This is a large part of WHY it HAS to exist.

And I note that it wasn't a one-night stand. You refer to her as your brother's x-girlfriend, so it's ludicrous to put ALL the blame of the pregnancy on to her.

She talked him into having children. That means, he agreed to it. He had sex with a woman he knew wanted children. He wasn't wearing a condom.

Would you like your own flesh and blood to be begging?

Do you know, I bet the same people who specialise in Tutt tutting, read about this happening in the outskirts of a village in ARgentina they'd sigh and say how tragic. But all reason, compassion and logic fly out the window when they think about their taxes, their taxes, their taxes!

This is why some Americans want to bring back hanging! to save money on prisons, paid for by their taxes.

Thank goodness we live in the civilised world. Not everybody in it is civilised though.

lalalonglegs · 06/11/2008 14:29

KatieDD: Why isn't your brother paying for his children? I think that rather undermines your argument tbh.

KatieDD · 06/11/2008 14:53

My brothers behaviour is o reflection on me, we rarely see him and I completely agree he should pay but because he isn't named on the birth certificates (and has had the forms torn up in his face to change that) the CSA won't take any payment from him.
He was a twat impregnanting that useless woman, because he was utterly used, gets to see the children as and when it suits her, goes months without being allowed near them and when she needs extra cash he's expected to find it by whatever means. She actually told him why didn't he steal like other men to do provide for his kids because his £50 offering wasn't enough.
When you meet women like that it tarnishes your view i'm afraid, she is not alone her friends are all the same, that's where she gets a lot of her idea's god knows she isn't bright enough to think of them by herself.

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