To think that being a single SAHM on benefits is not a 'lifestyle choice' but .........

[Littleredshoe]

basically scrounging ?

Surely being lucky enough to SAH with your children comes IF you can afford it? Either because you work part time, or have a partner who provides for you to do this.....

To just 'decide' that you 'prefer' not to work and live off benefits (when you are fit to work) is ridiculous and it makes me bl**dy angry that I pay tax to enable others to sit on their arses......

maybe I am ? But ......I bet there would be a lot less feckless teenage mothers if the 'right' to benefits and SAH was withdrawn.....

Hmmmmn what about if the sahm who are being supported by dh/dp/savings whatever, provide subsidised childcare to the the sahm on benefits in their area so that said 'scroungers' can afford to get into the workplace? Problem solved.

I reckon I could do Gordon's job...

Agree Tryharder. Everytime I am off sick I watch Jeremy Kyle and each time I get really pissed off. They are mostly children having children and I feel sorry for those children and sorry for most of their neighbours. They just have no hope at all apart from hoping that the bloke on there turns out to be the dad after she admits shagging half of Cardiff the fortnight of conception.

These shows really don't help things and let's face it. It's on every week day every week. I read somewhere that after the show these people do not get any of the aftercare that the show would have you believe goes on either. Shocking.

TBH liffey if your ex is earning enough to pay 40K in tax then he should be the one that is supporting you and your children- directly rather than via the government. He obviously has the means and, while I disagree with some of your posts on here, I think it is utterly disgusting that he is not doing so voluntarily. Why should his children be living on the breadline unnecessarily?

He won't pay and I can't make him because we live in different countries. It's a long story, which I have shared on the lone parents' board. But I have been to a solicitor.

I don't know what I've said that people can disagree with. These are the facts in my life.

I could

1. take out a loan perhaps, and go out to work but operate at a financial loss every month
2. accept the lone parent allowance with dignity because I know I, and all my family have paid and will continue to pay taxes..
3. refuse the lone parent allowance out of some misguided principle, to the detriment of my children!!???

PS, I was JOKING when I said to that shoe/angel poster that I wanted a rebate for the taxes I paid when I was working in the UK.

It makes no difference in my opinion what country I live in now or paid taxes in blah blah blah...

It is the meanness of spirit, the smugness, the begrudgery, the speed to judge... that is what I am challenging. There are nasty judgy begrudgy people in Ireland too. Except they would never say these things to my FACE I presume, because I talk nicely and I know the middle-class 'codes' so that's alright then! EXCEPT, this experience has humbled me, and I now have a lot more understanding and compassion for the realities people on benefits face.

People think that it's so easy to just wave a wand and sort out your life!!

One point I wished to make, which I wish I had done last night when I posted on this thread....

...let's not forget there are loads of different people out there claiming benefits NOT JUST single Mums. There are loads of young people, men included, who don't work. You only have to read the paper or watch progs like Kyle to see young lads on there who don't work because they don't want to.

For example....I was in the opticians the other day with my DD1. Fortunately I didn't have to pay for her eye test because she is only 9yo. I was amazed at the amount of people who don't pay for eye tests because they're claiming this or that. An eye test costs in the region of £25 now. I don't have £25 so don't go.

I had a dental appt the other day - I had one filling - it cost me £44.60. If I were to have 10 fillings it would still cost me £44.60. It is a flat fee set by the NHS. What that tells me is don't bother going to the dentist regularly - wait till I've got loads of fillings and get value for money. If I were on a benefit I would get some of this charge paid for me.

If I need to go to the Drs I need to be very poorly...so poorly that nothing I can buy off the shelf in my local Asda will cure ... because I don't have the spare £8 for a prescription.

What I'm trying to say is....I know its not easy for a lot of people on benefits but nor is it any easier for those of us who are not. We still have to pay full charge for everything. I might be lucky some weeks and have a few quid in my purse. Sometimes I don't even have 25p to give to my daughter to buy a snack at snack-time at school.

The bottom line is....we are skint, very skint. I can't afford to stay at home any longer. I have to go to work. I also have to juggle two kids with work and being a housewife. No-one is going to pay me to stay at home. We can no longer afford to live off one wage. Its time for me to get back out there and earn a wage cos no-one is going to give it to me. I have to find a job that'll fit in around two kids, two schools etc. Its a great shame actually cos I'd love some time on my own at home but now I have no excuse but to get out and put my spare time to good use and bring some extra money in. To be honest my life is going to get a lot harder than it has been bringing up two children at home. And its not something I'm looking forward to. I want to stay at home but the bank balance won't allow it any longer. My kids are now in school and I have no choice in the matter. That's tough.

TBH I probably don't disagree with you that much, it is your point 2 that I have issues with because I really don't think the tax system works like that. I can go to the library and send my children to school and drive to work because I have paid my taxes? Not really.

I am not blaming you for your ex not paying. It just seems abhorent to me that any parent should care so little about their own chidren that they would be like that. Although I do see it over and over again on here.

whispywisp I don't pay for eye tests. I work with VDUs so my employer is obliged to pay for my eye tests. So get yourself a job where you are sat in front of a computer screen!

I thought eyetests were free, or is that just here?(In Scotland)

bozza....actually!....I did work for an organisation for many years before I left to have DD1 who paid for our tests too...we used to get given vouchers cos we spent so many hours in front of a screen. And, from what I can remember, we were given a percentage of money towards new glasses, if we needed them! I do wear glasses but whenever I get reminders thru for tests I usually have shoes to buy for the kids or something else that needs paying which, unfortunately, takes priority! £25 is a lot to find for an eye test, imo. You're not in there 5 mins and, tbh, if it means I have to find another £100 or so for new glasses I'd rather just cope!

falcon...no, they're not free here. Wish they were.

They should be. It's such a basic thing and it makes sense to pay for them as they're a form of preventative healthcare.

Yeah, like dental check-ups and what sort of a state are they in?

DH drives hundreds of miles a week with his job, but he isn't entitled to eye test vouchers, help with glasses (he does need them for driving) or anything.

Same applies to dental checkups and prescriptions too? Preventative healthcare? Otherwise my teeth will rot and fall out and I could make myself really ill by not getting anti-biotics, for example?

Even if we just got some help with the charges it'd be a great help but to pay full whack every time is hard on the wallet.

What's the charge for a prescription in England?

My feeling towards single parents that if the child only has one parent in their lives then that parent should be at home for them until school age, maybe even 6/7 to settle them in.
Imagine from the childs prospective that you only have mummy and she takes you to nursery from 8am, picks you up at 6pm and puts you to bed at 7.30pm.
I lived that life for a while and it was shite and I had DH to help.
All mums should be SAHM if they possibly can, I do not believe in mothers of under 5's working full time at all, but especially not single mums.
Having said all that, I do believe they should reduce benefits, it's gone too far the other way now having seen some people claim more in benefits than we earn between 2 of us in a month is just plain wrong and I think that's what gets peoples backs up.

To an extent I see what you are saying but there are so many other factors

1. I find that most of the people who are smug about how able mother are to work have either family help with childcare or really well paid jobs which dont mean the financial benefits of working are wiped out by having to pay someone during the holidays and before/after school.

1. The benfit system is completely wrong in that it seems to be encourage people to replace their income with it rather than top up.

1. Employers are still not encouraging flexible working...most admin roles are doable as flexible or job shares but this still doesnt happen.

If you saw me you would assume I am a SAHM and make assumptions no doubt but I WAH.

katiedd...agree with you completely.

We live off DH's wage. He works very hard with some very long days. My kids don't see him apart from a few minutes here and there during a normal week. They tend to catch up with him at weekends. Not ideal and yes, I do 99% of the childcare at home. I get no help whatsoever from family and yes, whilst I'm not a single parent I might just as well be considering the fact I do everything for the kids and he is rarely at home.

Yes I can now go to work albeit from 9.30am to 2.30pm but I have to also do all the childcare when the kids are off, half-terms, sick days, teacher trg days...no-one can do those for me. This is not a choice for me...I have to do it and I have to go to work because the Government won't pay me to stay at home. DH's wages just about cover our outgoings. We have a budget each week to live off - its not a lot but we stick to it and it works, just.

It's no easier being off benefits than it is being on them. A lot of MNrs on this thread seem to have taken great offence at what some people have written about single parents being on benefits. It is not just about single parents. It's about EVERYONE on benefits whether they are parents, young or old. There are a huge number of people out there who simply do NOT want to work. Why should they and have less money coming in? But its no easier for people like me who would also like to stay at home but don't get 1p. I'm 40yrs old...I worked full-time until I was into my 30s and then had a family. I've worked nights, shifts, evenings etc...whatever will fit in around DH's work because I have had to for the money. Makes me wonder if I should get rid of DH and I might be better off cos then surely there'll be something I can claim and I can stay at home?

angelswithdirtyfaces you are a twit I work and I don't agree with anything you are saying.

Yes there is a few people who do take the piss with benefits but I wouldn't say they were single Mum's

I know fully grown men who are more than capable of working but choose not too.

Also OP and angelswithdirtyfaces your find that there is alot of Single mum's that do work and get working tax etc which is a benefit on average you would have to earn over 40 grand a year to not entitle you to some kind of benefit.

I bet both of you get child benefit so you both claim some kind of benefit also.

The trouble is on mumsnet you aren't going to get any stupid cows you messed up their education, worked in a factory for 6 months decided that was too hard and got pregnant at 17 and never did another days work until they were 34, or got pregnant again when there was a danger of being asked to go back to work, so had a good 25 years on benefits and then will be put back to college for years on endless courses but the truth is they are unemployable.
There are thousands and thousands of those people.
Single mums are the easy target but in all honesty something needs to change. However whilst we are bailing banks out and other such nonsense I find it hard to tell anyone to go to work for min wage.

RA29, going back a few posts here, but thanks for that great post.

2My feeling towards single parents that if the child only has one parent in their lives then that parent should be at home for them until school age, maybe even 6/7 to settle them in.
Imagine from the childs prospective that you only have mummy and she takes you to nursery from 8am, picks you up at 6pm and puts you to bed at 7.30pm.
I lived that life for a while and it was shite and I had DH to help.
All mums should be SAHM if they possibly can, I do not believe in mothers of under 5's working full time at all, but especially not single mums.
Having said all that, I do believe they should reduce benefits, it's gone too far the other way now having seen some people claim more in benefits than we earn between 2 of us in a month is just plain wrong and I think that's what gets peoples backs up.
"

By KatieDD

Whata load of shit.

All mothers should stay at home and while we're at it there should be less benefits. Nice to know nobody can win in your view Katie. Working mothers are letting their children down but no working mothers who might get some benefitsd are getting to much

I can hardly stop laughing.

there are people like that katie, but are they really worth envying?

who really wants to live of benefits

who really is jealous of single mums on benefits.

and if you are

plllllllllllllleaaaaaaaaase tell me why.

i can't envy sp on benefits with no hopes dreams or aspirations that make it a lifestyle choice for the long term

and its pointless saying they dont exist - they do

so like i always say - if living off benefits and bringing up children on your own is that good - you do it oh green eyed ones.

becuase i dont want to exist on benefits.

been there, worked in a factory, pregnant at 16 and worn the t-shirt.

worked hard for 10 years being poor with shitty jobs and going to college, night class and university.

i took the twins into lectures when i couldnt get childcare, i told a lecturer my dad had died, when i couldnt hand an assignment in becuase the kids were ill. ( he has ,..but like erm 16 years earlier )

if your poor life can be shit, and the only person going to make your world a better place is you. no one else - and i came to that realisation early.

so if for the moment you find yourself on benefits and thats what you have to do to get by day to day, whilst you wait for your child to go to school, or you wait until you can enrol in college or whatever your greater plan is

then i applaud you

if you are a full time carer with little othr options, then i commend you.

if you are a single parent existing on benefits, you like it, it does, you have no hopes, dreams or ambitions for your children, who statistically will probably be involved in crime, drugs, get pregnant low educational standards etc etc and so your children will too be poor

like you
poor

then i don't envy you my friend, i pity you and your children, that you cannot find passion enough in your very soul to fight daily to make your world and your childrens world better.

It's a good point mascara. My elder child witnessed her Dad sitting on her mother's chest pulling her hair yelling "i won't leave a fucking mark on you". Extreme perhaps, but I really feel I owe it to my dc to be there for them.. That is ON TOP of the impracticalities of working in my case.

To the casual observer, perhaps I am just one borrowed suit, and one babysitter away from blending or merging into the rest of the competent professional workforce. And yet I still can't get the break I need!! It is not that easy.

i completely agree with the wise custy