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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my child in the car with a travel monitor.

131 replies

Libra1975 · 05/11/2008 14:23

The car sends my 16week old LO to sleep, am I being unreasonable to want to buy a travel monitor so when I get home and he is fast asleep in his carseat I can leave the monitor with him and go into the house to get things done rather than wake him up?

OP posts:
fortyplus · 07/11/2008 01:46

The ones killed in beds and cots probably died in house fires caused by smoking - wouldn't do that, either.

As I said... fine unless you become a statistic. I know of a woman who test-drove a new car and didn't strap her 4-year old in. He fell out of the back window when she bumped the kerb and he died instantly.

So don't tell me that just because something is remotely unlikely it can't happen to YOU!

Swedes · 07/11/2008 01:51

According to that RoSPA website thousands of 0-5 children have accidents on the stairs each year, many of them are fatal. No doubt some of the posters on here will be reporting mumsnetters who do not live in a bungalow to police, without further ado?

Swedes · 07/11/2008 01:56

Fortyplus, five deaths in a year in vehicles where drivers were not in attendance - this is probably the safest place to leave your children - if you don't believe me, find me somewhere safer on that RoSPA website. It's certainly not in the home, even when accompanied by an attentive adult.

Cadix · 07/11/2008 02:10

fortyplus did you read my post? What about my post is unreasonable? Is dangerous? Is irresponsible?

This is what really pissses me off about mumsnet... the irrational posts to a reasonable question.

If I leave my child in the car in my drive, in my view while I do housework, checking every 2 - 3 mins as a minimum, that offspring is ok, am I neglecting?

If outside temp were -5 and child were dressed in a tshirt then there is an obvious problem but how often is that level of neglect a reality on this site?

angrypixie · 07/11/2008 02:53

I wouldn't - but don't think you're a bad person if you do! I used to park up, put my seat right back and snooze along (You probably get very strange looks but my eyes were closed so what do I care?)

I have slept in my car in supermarket carparks, as well as on my own drive.

2sugars · 07/11/2008 05:56

DD1 is 10 now, but I do remember having one almighty row with H about this. I used to collect her from nursery, drive round and round the block and then when she was asleep park in our drive which is quite clearly visible from our lounge. No way was she a baby you could move. H took exception to this so I phoned up the NSPCC who agreed with HIM

Needless to say, it wasn't long before she began to ask 'But Mummy, don't we live there?', pointing to our house as we'd passed it for the nth time. So it all went tits up eventually anyway.

This reminds me of a story of some friends of mine who have children of the same age. When out, they'd take any opportunity to kip while their babies were kipping. Anyhow, all four of them were asleep in the car - I think they must have had air conditioning on as the engine was running (I know, I know) when a man starts to bang frantically on the window, checking they hadn't decided to try and top themselves ......

egypt · 07/11/2008 06:47

used to do this all the time. mine, my mums, anyone's, as long as it was in a drive in a decent area. didnt use a monitor either. could never move dd

now i drive dd2 to sleep q a bit and move the car seat in doors. we live in a hot hot country so a no go unless wasting petrol with the aircon on. dont like that though - what if someone drove it off!

FourArms · 07/11/2008 07:16

The ROSPA stats have actually reassured me more about leaving DS2 in the car.

Since 2000, RoSPA has collected press reports of 13 fatal accidents in which a child was killed while in and around a car, but not in a car crash. Five of these deaths occurred when children were left unattended in vehicles ? two deaths were due to an electric window, and two deaths were due to children playing with matches left in the vehicle.

So 5 children have died in a car in 8 years (I'm not saying this isn't a terrible tragedy in each case btw), two due to windows - ours wouldn't operate as the car is switched off and key removed, and two due to matches - we don't smoke and scrabble in the house for matches for the BBQ, never mind the car!

There have also been several cases of a car being stolen while, unknown to the thief, a child was still inside.

I'd imagine this would be a running car at a petrol station or similar. You wouldn't miss the car seats in my car!

seeker · 07/11/2008 07:17

There is a bit of a difference between leaving a sleeping baby and keeping an eye on them and leaving a pair of toddlers alone in a car with a box of matches and the key in the ignition! Mumsnet at its very best!

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/11/2008 09:06

fourty plus - sad stats but as long as no matches in car,and no keys left in ignition then children should be safe in a car if asleep

fortyplus · 09/11/2008 19:57

Cadix - all I'm saying is that you (or anyone else leaving a child in a car or travelling without proper restraint) are taking a calculated risk... a tiny risk... but you are the one who has to live with the consequences if things go wrong. They probably won't... you can 99.9% certain of that, but if they did then it's one day of reading a sad newspaper report for everyone else and a lifetime of regret for you.

QueenofAllWildThings · 09/11/2008 20:07

As long as you lock the car and fanatically check the monitor AND keep looking out of the window, it would work. I have two kids, 4 and 17m, and when they fall asleep in the car, it's usually the weekend as I don't drive, so usually one of us can sit in the car and read a book or something. Otherwise we just keep looking out of the window every few minutes. We live on a quiet road too so not many people walking past. It's up to you but it's certainly not unreasonable

ang22 · 09/11/2008 20:08

i do it with both of mine as sometimes its the only peace i get as my dd1 is at the age where she is 'not tired' when i ask her to go for a nap. As long as i can see my car then i dont think there is a problem. I always lock it and would never do it say in the height of summer ( Which is never very hot in this country any way) Same if i drive to a friends and either of them fall asleep as long as i can see the car why wake them up and then run the risk of them being miserable for the rest of the day.

MrsMattie · 09/11/2008 20:09

haven't read the thread.

Don't be so silly@OP. Just bring the poor kid inside and deal with the fact that babies don't sleep all the time FGS.

sep1712 · 09/11/2008 20:38

I think a child is far safer left in the car (in view blar blar) then the advice given to transfer them to the sofa!!! how many child role off a sofa and bang there head?
I have left my children in the car, with the alarm on then if they start moving you know they have woken!!
My mum hates me doing this and has been known to sit in there with them, promtly waking them up by ratterling the newspaper.

spicemonster · 09/11/2008 20:44

God MN is full of absolute loonspuds.

I'd be bloody impressed if a 16 week old could get out of its car seat and play with matches.

Plonker · 09/11/2008 20:48

Yes - YABU

Either bring him in and put him to bed
Bring him in and leave him in his car seat (providing he's not in there for too long)
Or get yourself a newspaper or book and sit in the car with him, or even better, have a snooze in there yourself ...

blackrock · 09/11/2008 21:03

i have never left DS in the car to sleep, as we have a really weird neighbour...I just couldn't risk it. i have to say, it's made me distrustful of passer by too. Sad but true.

mammyofET · 09/11/2008 21:08

I would never have leave DS in a car asleep alone so I think that YABU.

It's a matter of deciding whether you want to put yourself in that (albeit remote) risk category that something could happen.

My reason for never doing this is that I know of a child who died whilst playing in a car due to a fire in the engine. Yes I know this was 25+ years ago and statistically you are far safer doing x.y,z blah blah blah. Maybe I am a loonspud but experience of such things shapes a persons view.

edam · 09/11/2008 21:14

Whatever your views on leaving children in cars, at 16weeks you should NOT leave your baby asleep in a car seat for any longer than is necessary. Clearly you can't wake him up while you are driving but the way car seats are designed means their neck and chest are compressed to a degree. It is not a good idea to leave a sleeping baby unsupervised in a car seat.

mytetherisending · 09/11/2008 21:33

I have done this with my dds as neither would transfer and would be wide awake instantly and refuse to go back to sleep once awake, so better to leave asleep in the car than have screaming all afternoon due to overtiredness. Having said that I park directly under my window, on an MOD base inside a wire. I would not do it on a normal road/street, just as I wouldn't leave them to go into a shop if they were asleep.

gabygirl · 09/11/2008 21:46

Gosh - leaving your child in a car is nearly as dangerous as letting them have a balloon.

There have been 110 fatal accidents involving small children and balloons in the past 30 years.

So, no - don't leave your baby to sleep in the car.

And don't let your children near balloons.

edam · 09/11/2008 23:08

fatal accidents with balloons? How, exactly? Eating them?

fortyplus · 10/11/2008 19:43

Probably... if a child bites on a balloon and it bursts then a piece of rubber can lodge across the windpipe. But you watch me get shot down in flames... 'It's so rare...'

fortyplus · 10/11/2008 19:46

When ds1 was tiny there was an article in the national press about a child who'd been burned alive after being left to sleep in a locked car on his parents' driveway. The car had burst into flames despite being switched off.

That image haunted me for quite a while... rare or not.