to want to tell other parents that Autism is not contagious?

[ALMummy]

My ds has recently been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. A couple of people with dc who I was friendly with suddenly melted away when I told them he was being assessed - before he was even diagnosed. He is not aggressive, just a bit quirky and it didn't seem to be a problem till I openly said he was being assessed.

I know the general consensus on here will be that it would not bother you if your friends child was autistic but this has not been my experience so far in rl.

my ds has been dx with HFA and lickily so far no one has treated him any different if anything they dont allow for his sn expect him to act like other children

i ahvent lost any friends over it but i dont see them often anyway as all moved away and we tend to socialise more at his sn group so thats more comfortable anyway

ive been lucky with the odd few that have asked have asked me about hfa and never looked at my ds different but he is only 3.6 maybe we might meewt more as he gets older but then i agree there not the sorts of people i want to be friends with anyway except me as i am except my ds as he is

he is simply adoreabl and normally wins every one ove rand so far with his melt downs no ones been judgemental but maybe thats because at this age its normal who knows

im sorry that you and others have experienced this and i myself probably will do one day also

but remember its not just because of the HFA if any child becomes differnt in behaviour etc people tend not to socialise with what they dont understand thats why i'll stick to sn group as everyone understands and no one judges

i always say to others who dont understand i feel lucky as i get to see the world 2 ways how many people can say that

ignore ignorance my ds is the world to me his quirks and all most people know now that socially he'll not be like there children but he is still a calm loveable little boy not at all times lol but he is a pleasure most of the time and maybe as im so upfront and chatty and willing to explian so far no one has been off or ignored if anything we have most of the poeple chatting with us at the pre school and he gets lots of fuss and they dont take it personally when he says nothing

god lickily obviously luckily lol

YANBU. Both my son and I have Asperger's. What they seem to forget is that before I found a part time job to fit in with childcare after , I got a degree in Maths and became a successful computer programmer.

Unless you've had to deal with it, or know someone who has, people just do NOT understand.

I am loving some of the stories on here. MaryBS that is so inspirational for someone like me who is scared for what the future holds for DS.

Very true what you say about seeing the world 2 ways Bubblagirl. It is almost as if you see things and understand things you would never have known without having a child with autism.

aww at wannabes loving to jj's ds1

lovely

and tbh everyone is right. I fit sifts your shite mates out we should view it as an advantage

My nephew has HFA and, to be honest, it is difficult. Not because I think it will somehow seep inot my lot but because my kids are a bit frightened of him. He is very big and hurts them often. He also destroys stuff - dens, artwork etc
Things are easier now they're old enough to understand why he's different but when they were all little it was difficult to manage.
I think much of this may have been due the family's denial that there was a problem.
That said we have religiously included him in everything and will always do so.

pinkcandyfloss my eyes actually filled up with tears when I read that. In what world does a person justify that to themselves? I really struggle with it because I know that I would not be like that, I just know it. Sometimes I feel so bloody mad but mostly just sad.

I'm not sure about being inspirational .

Amber is another mum on here with Asperger's, who has done very well for herself.

I know a number of adults online and IRL (both men and women) with Asperger's who learn to deal with their differences, and make the most of the advantages AS gives. For example I have an extremely logical brain, so am very good at problem solving - hence the IT jobs. I was talking to the SENCO at our school, and she told me about the father of a child at the school who is a surgeon, and is on the Autistic Spectrum himself.

There are lots of adults out there undiagnosed - I myself was only diagnosed a month ago, having been wondering about myself since my son was diagnosed a year ago.

Another ds with poss HFA here, have only lost one friend through it, and she was the super competitive type who wasn't worth having anyway! DS is very placid and it shows only in situations where he can't understand verbal instructions, or places like busy shopping centres where he makes straight for the revolving doors or escalators which we tend to avoid anyway.

I am wary about telling some people, (one supposedly educated friend said she felt there was a stigma attached to autism..) but try to be open as much as possible with most people, he is a lovely little boy and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Message withdrawn

You cant be knowledgeable about everything, no, but if you avoid then you will never find out will you?

I can't speak for everyone but I would so much rather people asked rather than avoided or made assumptions.

I think I must just be terribly nosy because if I interacted with a child and his/her mother told me they had special needs I would want to know more. I am not upset by my son having autism, it is who he is. No-one could upset me by asking me questions and I suspect that is the same for most parents of special needs children. When it is first suspected it feels like the end of the world but it really isn't and it just becomes part of who you are. We are used to it.

You do know that Gordon Brown has Asperger's don't you?

I didn't actually wow! So does Dan Aykroyd.

spicemonster - are you suggesting he is a GOOD advocate for the cause .

On a serious note though, i guess that, from my very basic understanding of the condition, someone with aspergers would actually be quite good at being PM, being doggedly focused and able to see through the fog of the economy etc - wonder what went wrong?

pitchounette I kind of get what you are saying about steering clear of a child thats dribbling etc, but as the parent of that child it was heartbreaking to see his friend told to avoid him. At the time he was 4. They went to pre school together and I have always faced questions about him head on.

Sometimes nothing needs to be said but to see him for what he is - a little boy.

chipmonkey when I said it wasn't contagious she did look very embarrassed, but nowhere near as embarrassed as I was upset.

I truly believe that even before DS2 I wouldn't have behaved in this way. I may well have felt awkward but no way would I have steered my child away from another for reasons of disability.

I automatically look now for signs of ASD when seeing children having a meltdown. It is amazing how you are suddenly able to spot the signs once you have a little ASDer all of your own .

I must admit I knew nothing about it before DS was born, although I still dont think I would have reacted negatively. I don't mind explaining it is the automatic negative opinions that irritate me.

I once said to a woman who was opening staring with disapproval at DS screaming on the floor in Tesco's "Never experienced this with your children then?", she replied "I certainly have not", I was so irritated that I said "Oh you must slap your kids then, I don't do that". It was not the best thing to say but she stalked off with a red face so I may have hit a nerve.

I like that reply Almummy!

I have meltdowns occasionally too

What was that about Gordon Brown? I have often thought he seemed aspie (or just very Scottish), that would evplain his smiles seeming a bit fake sometimes. Are you guessing Spicemonster or have you read it somewhere?

On the OP subject, DS2's schoolfriends and their parents are great but I was quite upset when a very old friend's older boy called him a weirdo and she didn't tell him off, I still feel a bit cooler towards her to be honest.

allytjd Could you elaborate on " have often thought he seemed aspie (or just very Scottish)?

What are the similarities between aspie/ being scottish?

I'm not sure GB DOES have Asperger's, this article and others like it say he suffers from a kind of political aspergers:

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article634302.ece