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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get irritated when people think my daughter is a boy?

61 replies

wonderwoman73 · 04/11/2008 22:41

OK so she's only 11 months but when she's sitting in her pushchair wearing a bright pink and red striped hat and a red coat I get really annoyed when people ask 'how old is HE?' or 'isn't HE smiley'. Unreasonable??

OP posts:
Tommy · 04/11/2008 22:44

people are very stupid about this.

I once had DS1 (aged about 2, dressed in navy blue) and DS2 (aged 18 months younger, in a red fleece) in the double buggy and some daft old bint in Asda said "Ooh - twins! A boy and a girl?"

UncleHester · 04/11/2008 22:45

This happened to my dd ALL the time. i think people only notice very simple visual cues - if they see lots of blonde hair, they see a girl. If they see short dark hair and non-pink clothing (my dd) they see a boy.

Unreasonable? I don't know. But you can't do much about it, so I'd learn to laugh it off.

mrsruffallo · 04/11/2008 22:45

YABU
They are just being friendly

pinkspottywellies · 04/11/2008 22:46

I used to get the same with DD. She had a lovely dark khaki green coat (with pink embroidery!) and even with pink shoes/trousers/hat people would still refer to 'him'! People just notice the main colour I think (ie green/red) and assume boy. Not worth getting worked up about!

MsHighwater · 04/11/2008 22:47

When my dd was a baby, I quickly came to the conclusion that people tended to assume all babies are boys unless presented with the most in-your-face evidence to the contrary. Pink clothing is not enough. You need frills and possibly a little bow headband (Eugh!). You have my sympathy.

To add insult to injury, I was once carrying 15month old dd in a shop at Christmastime which had a plate of ginger biscuits out next to the till. The woman asked me "does your grandson want a biscuit?" (I have prematurely grey hair).

I urge you to resist the temptation, should you feel it, to get your dd's ears pierced or to dress her in the bow hairbands just so people will know she is a girl. This stage will pass, I promise.

feedthegoat · 04/11/2008 22:47

My ds has long hair but in all other ways very boyish and he gets referred to all the time as she!. Can't even be bothered to correct them most of time anymore. Irritated fair enough but don't think worth getting really annoyed about!

elsiepiddock · 04/11/2008 22:47

Both my ds got mistaken for girls.

DS2 (6) still does - all the time.

Doesn't bother me. Annoys my dh though.

Ronaldinhio · 04/11/2008 22:48

yabu

in magic and sparkle a lady went on and on about my "son" (dressed in pink)
eventually asked,"what's his name?"

"Catherine", I replied

har de har

she was just being friendly

bozza · 04/11/2008 22:50

I remember taking my DD to see my great-aunt in a nursing home and all the old dears saying "oh isn't he lovely". She was dressed in a frilly, lilac dress that I had chosen specifically because I thought the old ladies would appreciate it!

Flum · 04/11/2008 22:50

YABU. Everyone is not as interested in your child as you are. They have a brief look, and are polite enough to ask you something about your kid. Be grateful, they don't say, ugly little blighter isn't she - looks like a boy eh!

boogeek · 04/11/2008 22:51

Happens all the time to mine too - bizarrely, the more pink/butterflies/frills they wear, the more (elderly) people persist in thinking they are boys.
Of course, since DD1 cut off all DD2's hair she does look rather boyish. (But still, in town last week: red velvet coat with flowers, pink dress and tights. "What a nice little fellow".)

Flum · 04/11/2008 22:51

Everyone thinks my dd2 is a boy as she has v. little hair and doesn't wear barbie pink but she is beeeeeoooooootiful.

Flum · 04/11/2008 22:52

Everyone thinks my dd2 is a boy as she has v. little hair and doesn't wear barbie pink but she is beeeeeoooooootiful.

Flum · 04/11/2008 22:52

Everyone thinks my dd2 is a boy as she has v. little hair and doesn't wear barbie pink but she is beeeeeoooooootiful.

Heated · 04/11/2008 22:52

I had this problem today. He/She was dressed in pink and black converse, skinny jeans, red & black lumber shirt and had long blond hair. Couldn't genuinely work out if they were a boy or a girl. There were however 16yrs old and not 16 months. Am still none the wiser btw about 'Sam'.

Flum · 04/11/2008 22:52

Have I made my point

Thomcat · 04/11/2008 22:54

I got it ALL the time with all 3 of my girls. Even if they were dressed in dresses.
If they said isn't he lovely I'd just say yes SHE is.

SquiffyHock · 04/11/2008 22:57

LOL Ronaldinhio - I also had this.
"Isn't she lovely, what's her name?"
"Edward."

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 04/11/2008 22:59

Ms Highwater: To add insult to injury, I was once carrying 15month old dd in a shop at Christmastime which had a plate of ginger biscuits out next to the till. The woman asked me "does your grandson want a biscuit?" sad (I have prematurely grey hair).

Sorry but pmsl at that. Probably cos I can sooo imagine this happening to me!

OP, my 18 mo DS gets mistaken for a girl a lot. Most recently at DP's mum's care home by a lovely old lady:

Old lady: "oh what a lovely girl"
DP: erm, he's a boy
Old lady: oooh what's that? What a lovely girl!
DP: no, he's a boy
Old lady: what's that?
All other old ladies: IT'S A BOY
Old lady: what's her name
DP: ds name
Old lady: what was that? didn't quite catch it
DP: DS NAME
Old lady: Um... don't quite, um, know that.
DP and other old ladies: HE'S A BOY AND HIS NAME IS XXXXX
Old lady: oh what a lovely girl, isn't she?

Repeat to fade....

cory · 05/11/2008 09:04

I actually don't like this modern colour-coding of children where you're expected never to dress your dd in blue because then she'll look like a boy. So I just ignored it and accepted that people would think she was a boy, despite pretty flowerface.

penona · 05/11/2008 09:10

I have boy/girl twins and ALWAYS get asked 'ohh twins, two boys?' I think because my DD has no hair yet (at 17mo). Yet no-one has ever said '2 girls' I wonder why that is? Why people always assume babies are boys? Very strange. But with lots of comedy potential as some of the other posts have pointed out!

MrsMattie · 05/11/2008 09:11

People thought ym son was a girl until very recently (he's nearly 4). Don't worry about it.

ShauntheSheep · 05/11/2008 09:13

Cant see the problem tbh. They are cooing over your baby and saying gorgeous things about him/her. Be thankful they are being so friendly.

PuzzleRocks · 05/11/2008 09:15

I get the same, DD 18 mths has only just started to get hair. It doesn't help that I am not a fan of pink. You can't let it bother you, it's no reflection on your child. Gosh half the time I don't even bother to correct people. One day it will be clear to the world she's a girl, and very beautiful and that will bring it's own set of problems. DH will be investing in a shotgun for her teenage years.

VinegarTits · 05/11/2008 09:18

YABU

My ds gets mistaken for a girl all the time, it doens bother me in the slightest, people dont mean any harm by it, i just correct them and we all make mistakes sometimes