To think DP is a selfish twat about christmas because...

[mamadiva]

he moans at me every year for the last 3 years because I spend £40 on 2 different children I've never met when we could apparently be spending it on our son on top of everything else he bloody gets!

Let me explain, in our local shopping centre they ahve a big christmas tree thingy with names on all the branches and you pick as many as you like, they are in the local NCH care homes, every year I pick 2 because although we are a bit skint I think that £40 isn't much considering it will give a child one or two presents on christmas morning.

But as usual I've picked one just younger than 2YO DS so that I cna put in a bag of clothes he has outgrown along with one or 2 small pressies and I've picked a 10YO girl and always set myself a limit of £40 so have it all budgetted for. and DP has started his moaning already because that could get DS something which I really dont see the point in when Ive already spent £60 on him and he will get from family anyway he has too much as it is so whats the blardy problem.

I'm probably not making any sense but if you kind of understand what Im saying could you please tell me AIBU on 2 parts here?

1. Is DP right and AIBU to think hes a total wanker under the circumstances

1. To always always do this every year for 2 random children?

It's a lovely thing to do. It's the right thing to do. If your dp doesn't like it tell him to fucking well do xmas.

My dp comes home at 6pm on xmas eve with a take-away for himself and then procedes to tell me what I should have done for xmas One year he's gonna wear that fucking take-away.

YANBU. Husband sounds very un-christmassy-spirited.

i think it is a lovely thing to do. good for you. as long ass you can afford it, and your ds isnt going without from you what say so your DH is BU.

xx

YANBU it's very nice of you to do something like that. And if your DS is only 2 he's hardly going to notice how much he gets. Your DH is being selfish.

I think it is a really lovely idea and really lovely of you to take part. Your dh is being a total wanker under the circumstances.

YANBU

Actually, what you are doing is very lovely, however, it's worth thinking about HOW to get your DH on side with this so that each year, you are not made to feel bad for doing it.

If this could be a whole family endevour, it would really feel (for you) much more in keeping with Christmas and it could be a very lovely Christmas tradition for all of you.

yanbu - Good for you mamadiva - plus you are very generous as well.

YANBU. We do something similar here - toys for children in orphanages. It is the only present they get.

nametaken - a takeaway just for him? On Xmas Eve? Every year?

It is a lovely thing to do and since your DS does not seem to be suffering, I don't see the problem.

Loads of folks spend much more than that on a Xmas night out

in think its a lovely thing to do, as long as you can afford it
i used to do the same when i lived in a town that did it
especially as your ds gets older, you can involve him in the present buying , and explain that some children are not as lucky as him, and that you are helping them to have a better christmas

I save my familya allowance for 6 months and that pays for everything to do with christmnas here so £40 doesnt seem alot even though we are skint IYKWIM.

Charity is VERY important, and definitely much more in keeping with the spirit of Christmas than excess consumerism. Has he explained why he feels so strongly against it?
2 year olds don't need much- it's too much for them otherwise.
Imagine if it were your family who needed the handout- would he be so against it then?

It's lovely mamadiva. We do similar - in fact my dd since she was about 2 has really enjoyed choosing a nice present (usually a newer version of something she has and loves) for "a little girl who hasn't got one"

Occasionally we have taken it to a Toy Service at a local church. That to me is the true meaning of Christmas. (just imo though, I know others don't share my beliefs. )

i think its a lovely kind thing to do.
yanbu.you are being very nice.

I think he thinks its all a con.

2 years back I went out christmas shopping and bought DS''s first christmas presents and bought some things for 2 children a 6 month old boy and a 13YO girl, I bought them some lovely things I have to say wrapped them all nicely with nice cards just a few little things but something I thought they could maybe hold onto as they got older.

Anyway I handed the presents in to the security guards in the shopping centre on 22nd DEC where they get ept unti 23rd as closing date but on that night some bloody druggies broke into the guard place and stole everything that was there... all the businessmen clubbed together in the local area and donated a fair bit of cash to the homes that needed but the thought of those children sitting without their gifts and more so even if they ahd they were probably very impersonal IYKWIM.

So cant remember why I got into all that sorry but yes DP thinks its all a big scam

Onepieceoflollipop if you dont mind me asking whats a toy service?

If he thinks that there is a chance it is a scam, there are other ways of giving presents. For example donating stuff direct to a refuge? Or via a church if he felt he could trust that type of system better? Even local HVs/sure start/refugee centres will know of families in need and I am sure would be delighted to pass something on and acknowledge the gifts.

mamadiva all it is is a normal Sunday morning church service, but they call it a "Toy Service". Myy mil's church hold one early in December. Lots of the congregation bring presents (either new or excellent condition) and leave them at the church. The local mission (which is a Christian organisation) distributes them to families in need.

Some of the presents are for children, but they also love teenage type toiletries and presents as they don't get many of those donated.

WOW that sounds great. Im not religious at all though but I would happily take DS to something like that at christmas time.

I did used to give all clothes and toys to my HV as I thought she could pass them on but then she told us that they seemed to be going down well at the baby clinic, asked her what she meant and she said they put them in a big box and people just take what they want from there.

Call me uppity or whatever but am not happy that people who dont need it could just be picking it up to save a few quid when those who need cant get it.

There is a womans refuge here somewhere quite fancy doing some volunteering in there even if its to help out with childcare or summit daft Id love to do that. Might see if they will take stuff too.

Once at school we could fill a shoe box for a boy or girl & there were things you couldn't put it. It was lovely & my kids were so happy to give somethings they would have choosen for themselves.

mamadiva that doesn't sound uppity at all. There are loads of families in our city that don't have much, so I prefer to give to those who need it, rather than some of the mums at baby clinic. Yes, it is nice for them to save a few pounds, but other people are more in need. Just imo though.

I love the idea of the names on the Christmas tree, mamadiva, and I don't think you're being unreasonable about your dp's attitude at all!!

I usually do a shoebox for 'Save a Christmas Child', but would happily do this instead, if my area did it.

sunnygirl.

I think it is a lovely thing to do. We fill a shoe box every year and I include my DS when it comes to deciding and buying what goes in it. I think it is very important in today's materialistic society to teach our DC about the children in the world who will get very little or nothing for christmas.

BTW all men are wankers at christmas, I have yet to meet one who does not think it just happens! No presents to buy except perhaps one for the wife. No food to go and buy. I keep saying it, I'm coming back a a bloke next time - easy life..