To think DP is a selfish twat about christmas because...

[mamadiva]

he moans at me every year for the last 3 years because I spend £40 on 2 different children I've never met when we could apparently be spending it on our son on top of everything else he bloody gets!

Let me explain, in our local shopping centre they ahve a big christmas tree thingy with names on all the branches and you pick as many as you like, they are in the local NCH care homes, every year I pick 2 because although we are a bit skint I think that £40 isn't much considering it will give a child one or two presents on christmas morning.

But as usual I've picked one just younger than 2YO DS so that I cna put in a bag of clothes he has outgrown along with one or 2 small pressies and I've picked a 10YO girl and always set myself a limit of £40 so have it all budgetted for. and DP has started his moaning already because that could get DS something which I really dont see the point in when Ive already spent £60 on him and he will get from family anyway he has too much as it is so whats the blardy problem.

I'm probably not making any sense but if you kind of understand what Im saying could you please tell me AIBU on 2 parts here?

1. Is DP right and AIBU to think hes a total wanker under the circumstances

1. To always always do this every year for 2 random children?

YANBU we have a present tree at work and pick children that are in local children homes etc and then we go out and buy presents for them from santa.

Mamadiva you are indeed correct that about this your husband is being a wanker. Ignore him you are doing a lovely thing.

you are right your husband is being a twat. i think what you are doing is wonderful.

I admire you for doing that. My kids get more than enough for Christmas so I should do the same. Tell DP he should be proud of you and not to be so miserly.

What a lovely thing to do. I think that is a wonderful thing to do and that your dh should think about what you are doing.

You have inspired me to go find something similar in my area to do a similar thing.

You are doing absolutely the right thing. Think what a wonderful example you are showing your son and how much more you can involve him in it when he grows up.

Christmas is surely about caring for others while counting our own blessings, however small, in our own lives.

You know I'm just thinking at the moment.

I wonder if we would be able to do like an appeal on mumsnet to team up in each area and club together to buy gifts for a local charity and pass them on ourselves IYKWIM.

You are doing a lovely thing which is in the real spirit of xmas. Your DH's attitude is sad. Your DS is not losing out as I am sure he gets lots of lovely things and those children do not even have a loving family.

It sounds like a lovely idea, and hopefully by next Christmas your ds might be able to join in the idea of choosing something for another little boy (or girl) and learn a more sharing attitude towards Christmas too.

The Christmas tree gift idea sounds lovely, I do the shoebox thing instead. Your gifts sound generous but you say that you budget so clearly no problem then.
Maybe over the course of next year you need to gently brainwash your DP in the art of charitable giving?

Tell him that the world works in mysteries ways and if you do something nice... What goes around comes around, good karma oh! I can't think of anymore phases. Only this week my husband is worried that the charity money he has been giving for children goes to warlords. So sadly he might be thinking this as well. I think its a good idea for kids to buy something for those that don't have anything.

Ignore him what you're doing is a wonderful kind selfish thing. Tell him you would want someone to do it for your dcs if - god forbid - the worst happened to you. Wish they did something similar here.

I think you are a lovely person. Ignore your dh, he is just being a grumpy old man.

Maybe you should show him this thread. It might change his mind.

Show him the thread! I think it is lovely-ignore him.

It's a really lovely thing to do OP and it makes me ashamed that I haven't done it before. And it is surely what Christmas is all about. My DP also does bugger all for christmas, birthdays etc etc but has a good moan about everything I have done. It send me up the wall.

we always get a boy gift and a girl gift for the tree in our community where the presents go to a local womans and childrens shelter

we like to get presents for tweenies and teens as there are always lots of teddies etc for the smaller children and we imagine its prob even harder on the older children in those shelters

we did it the year we did all of the rest of Christmas on a budget of £50 cause we were completely skint

My parents used to do the same for the SVDP when I was growing up. My school also encouraged classes to get presents for underprivileged kids rather than doing kris kindle

We will include our kids in picking the presents when they're older

luckily my DH enjoys it too. I think your OH is being very unreasonable

I used to do this wishing tree at home and have missed doing it here. Does anyone know of one near Kingston or nearby?

Sorry, Kingston London. Clarification helps.

Our church have a gift service where you can donate adult things usually smellys for men and women and these are given to local charities. Even though I dont go to church anymore I usually pop a few things into the church during November/December.

They also contact SS and get a list of children who are in care. People in the church can choose to get a pressie for the child.

My DH enjoys doing these as much as he does buying for our own children.

I probably wouldn't spend as much as £40 but I think your gesture is entirely what Christmas is about and bloody well done you for doing it. Your ds isn't going to benefit in any significant way from having the money spent on him, and two children who might otherwise have nothing on Christmas Day get to have a present. It's a win-win.

Our local Tesco has a giving tree-worth a try AussieLou, but I'm not sure if other branches do.

mamadiva - that is such a nice thing for you to do, also think it is great that you pick a boy just younger than your ds to pass on his clothes.

I hate throwing out dd's clothes, I take them to charity shops but feel that they just sell them on and hardly any of the proceeds go to the children.

I have to admit I do not like to give money to charity as I often feel it is a scam, but feel buying a present it a differnt case and that sounds like a lovely idea.

i've not heard of this before but it sounds such a lovely idea - am going to try and find something similar in my area; i'd rather buy something which i know will go direct to a child than give money to a charity at xmas, it just seems nicer and more personal.

therefore YA-TOTALLY-NBU. i dont think most men get the whole 'spirit of xmas' thing, or why you would go to any effort for a child that isnt part of the family & you've never met - whereas of course we all think its a great thing to do

It's a lovely thing to do if you can aford it. I do a simular thing here. I buy a couple of presents and habd them to a collection point in town. The presents are then given to needy children. But I only spend arounf £10 because that is what we can aford. I have ben doing it since my children were small and they all help in choosng tghe present.

My DH usually gives me crap about my charitable pursuits as well. I normally never swear at him but in this instance a double flip off with a "kiss my ass" usually gets my point across and he shuts up. Hope it might work for you.