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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to sign a piece of paper that enables my exh to gain some money...

57 replies

whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 16:42

to cut a long story short we split up nearly 10 years ago. i was very young and naive and left with nothing and i mean nothing.
at the time my solicitor kept telling me to go to court to claim half as we had a fair amount of assets etc etc, but i just did.nt feel 'brave' enough to do it and so said no. i signed house etc over blah blah.
exh said afterwards that he had done wrong by me and he realised he had but still it did not make him give anything to me.
now i left this weasel because he told me [when drunk] that he had had a bj off my sister and so you can imagine what my feelings are to the pair of them.
anyway i am now very happily married with an adorable lo
however today my mom rings me and says i have had a letter from solicitors asking your where abouts and for you to provide proof of adress and who you are in relation you apolicy you took out jointly with exh.
so i rang exh mom[ i have a knack for remebering numbers] and asked her if she knew what it was about and she said he is here speak to him.
anyway the upshot of it is in his words that i have to sign this paper to give permission for him to have this money cos apparently it was never settled at the time. i said what happens if i don't and he says he won't get the money.
i feel really really p**d off that yet agin i am gonna give i cos it's the right thing to do but it narks me that when i said to him gosh you really did well out of our marriage did'nt yuo he said well it's not my fault and is trying to fool me into thinking no claim.[probably i don't]
sorry i just really having a bad day because i ahve really struggled over the years sometimes not eating when he has gone on fabulously with what was our money.

OP posts:
LadyOfRoffle · 01/11/2008 16:45

Can you cash the policy jointly? TBH he sounds like he has had enough, and I know marriage isn't a way to gain cash but I have to say it sounds you derserve some of the money from it. Joint policy = joint policy.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/11/2008 16:48

If you have to sign, was it a joint policy - so you're entitled to half (even if you paid nothing towards it)? Take the paper he wants you to sign to a lawyer and check.

MyPumpkinDsHappyHalloweenBday · 01/11/2008 16:50

oh only sign n the understanding you get half. draw solicitor letter if you have to.

I would contact company to ask if you sign can they issue 1/2 direct to you/or if they cant yu wont sign so for them to be aware of fake signature. if that makes sense.

get all details from tyour ex before you decide. i.e policy no

good luck

whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 16:50

lor tbh i dunno if i want it you know at the end of the day he has payed for it the past ten years it's just the whole principle of him gaining again when i got nothing.
when i say we had assets i mean we had quite a lot of money and savings and a very small mortagage.he sold the house a year afer i left -3 months after our divorce at 3.5 times what we paid for it. aarggh i know i am being a brat so i apologise in advance

OP posts:
whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 16:52

so you mean from some of the posts then that i actually could be entitled to half even though i have'nt paid into it [bar 6 months]

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/11/2008 16:53

Yes, we think you could be entitled to half. Get it checked.

whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 16:55

really now -would it be very wicked to consider doing that

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loobeylou · 01/11/2008 16:55

If he won't agree to you having half (which you could give to charity if you don't really want to accept his money)you don't have to sign, so he can have half or nowt. He needs your co operation, so it has to be on your terms

you are not being a brat, he is a tosser by the sounds of it, you are well rid

loobeylou · 01/11/2008 16:59

and yes, if it was a joint policy/scheme and was not altered at the time of your split, then you should still get half. I see why you might not be comfortable doing this, but he owes you so have no qualms about it - we all know what HE would do if the boot were on the other foot, so to speak

is it lots of money?? just in time for christmas!! how nice!!

whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 17:00

oh my gosh i really did not think i would be entitled to a claim on it.
as i said to him i am no longer the naive girl you knew so i will be taking legal advice and he said you don't need to my solicitor will explain all the ins and outs. my reply to him was yeah i bet he will but deep down i honestly did not think i really would be able to screw[ sorry] him the way he did me.

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fuzzywuzzy · 01/11/2008 17:02

Why is handing over all your joint assets to him, 'the right thing to do...' demand all of it, or 85% of it olarger than half, he got everything else. Or it can stay right where it is till he drops dead and then you get it all...... (I'm hiding the fact that I'm going thro a very acromonious divorce very well aint I)

kitbit · 01/11/2008 17:03

Oh yes I bet his solicitor will! How convenient for your ex. Get your own solicitor or citizens advice and check it BEFORE YOU SIGN ANYTHING!

fuzzywuzzy · 01/11/2008 17:05

demand to see a copy of the policy, then instruct a solicitor.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/11/2008 17:05

His solicitor is not permitted to advise you as well as your ex. As for being wicked, not only did he screw you at divorce, he's trying to do it again!

whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 17:09

oh ladies you have cheered me up a liile bit cos i rang my mom after and she said well i can't see what the deal is it's his money [not that close to my parents either can you tell]
i did ask him how much it was for and he siad only 300 do you reckon that could be right after 10 years of paying in [i think] 25 pounds also will i be able to give the paperwork to a solicitor and them be able to get the number or will i have to ring cis myself just giving my old adress and married name

OP posts:
whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 17:10

sorry meant 3000 pounds

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/11/2008 17:13

10 years @ £25pcm x 12months = £3000 he's paid in. I'd expect some kind of profit on top of that.

loobeylou · 01/11/2008 17:14

well "only £3000" shared between 2 is going to be well over £1000 for you even after solicitors etc

you would be silly to let the swine get away with ALL of it after how he treated you!

fuzzywuzzy · 01/11/2008 17:14

£300?? I think he may have left off a few zeros there. You need the paperwork, if you know the name of the company ring them up first thing monday, explain your situation, that you are divorced and in the process of splitting assets (you don't have to tell them how divorced you are), and ask for copies of paper work pertaining to this policy, if you are joint policy holder they should give you exectly all the paperwork he has.

It's not his money, anyone who tells you it is is wrong!

MyPumpkinDsHappyHalloweenBday · 01/11/2008 17:17

He is bluffing, call his bluff and get details and contat company yurself. If it has your name on it they have to speak to you.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/11/2008 17:17

Was in an endowment policy, linked to your (now, long-redeemed) joint mortgage? How much was your joint mortgage?

whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 17:17

but i don't have a policy number? will that not matter? when i questioned that it was 'only' 3000 pounds he reckoned that it had not made anything given the current climate could that be true or do you think he thinks he can be a weasel again

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loobeylou · 01/11/2008 17:18

once a weasel......

whitebeachesandcoconutoil · 01/11/2008 17:20

no no it wasn't linked to the mortgage it was one of those policies that were 'big' then you know where you pay in and they mature after 10 years we had a few we always had one so we had money coming every 5 years.but what i do remember is that we did on this one pay more than we had on the others

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/11/2008 17:23

He's probably being a weasel. It's likely that the policy will have had bonuses attached to it over the years (the "current climate" is only "current", not for the whole of the past 10 years) and although it's true many endowment policies are not paying out what they should have done (ie, probably not as much as your mortgage was, and certainly not the huge sums over that that were promised by endowment policy salesfolk) there should be some return over and above monies paid in. But you won't know till you see the paper and have your lawyer check it.