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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not provide drinks for a 40th birthday party?

48 replies

boogeek · 30/10/2008 20:02

This is my first foray into AIBU - feeling very nervous...
DH's 40th in January: have hired the village hall and a ceilidh band, contacted lots of his old friends. Will provide a buffet. Maybe I am very mean but I don't really feel like providing all the alcohol for the evening - if we had a party at a hotel there would be a bar and people would buy their own drinks without question. So AIBU to put "bring your own booze" on the invitations?

OP posts:
ja9 · 30/10/2008 20:03

you're being tight

just buy the wine!

MrsMattie · 30/10/2008 20:04

Could you provide a first drink? Get a crate of cheap beers / wine and just provide everyone with a glass when they first arrive?

CatMandu · 30/10/2008 20:04

Yep, I would never do this I think it's very naff to invite people to a party or a wedding and then expect them to buy their own booze.

flowerybeanbag · 30/10/2008 20:05

YABU, sorry. It's one thing expecting people to buy drinks at a bar in a hotel, not the same expecting them to bring bottles of whatever they want to drink with them.

Personally, I think if you are hosting a party at a venue like that where there isn't a bar, and are providing food and entertainment, you should also provide drink.

Tommy · 30/10/2008 20:05

nothing wrong with asking people to bring a bottle IMO but you must supply some booze to get things going - and soft drinks for the drivers

CatMandu · 30/10/2008 20:06

Ah yes, that's true provide beer and wine and people pay for spirits if that's what they'd like.

AnarchyAunt · 30/10/2008 20:07

YANBU.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Pretty much every social occasion we go to is 'bring a bottle' and it has never bothered me in the slightest. Why would it?

If you can, then get in some beers/wine to put out.

expatinscotland · 30/10/2008 20:08

YABU.

If you had the party at a hotel, you'd also be paying a lot more to hire it than a village hall.

AnarchyAunt · 30/10/2008 20:08

Yes provide juice and lemonade.

CantSleepWontSleep · 30/10/2008 20:08

What Tommy said.

Loshad · 30/10/2008 20:09

YABU, particulalry as there is no bar for people to bring their own.You really do need to provide some wine/beer/soft drinks - if you can't do that then why have a party? you've gone for the village hall because it's cheaper, but the counter is you have (well nearly everyone will expect you to) provide the booze.

forevercleaningwithmybesoms · 30/10/2008 20:09

i would recommend you have a good basic selection on drinks, but could also say bring a bottle on the invites. You will need mixers in anycase as not many people bring those when they bring spirits etc.

GrabShellDude · 30/10/2008 20:14

YABU. It's a 40th birthday party in a village hall. Drinks provided is a must. Defintely a must. Absolutely.

slackrunner · 30/10/2008 20:14

Agree with Tommy - I don't think you need to pay for people to get completely lashed up, but you do need to provide a minimum of 1/2 bottle of wine per head IMO.

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 20:20

If it's a village hall, then BYOB is OK - but I would provide a welcome drink and/or toast - maybe mulled wine since it is almost in season.

I think people would know to bring a contribution anyway. I don't think I would go to a party at a house or hired hall empty-handed. You might even make a profit on it

AMumInScotland · 30/10/2008 20:20

Can you get a caterer to do a pay-bar for you? We had one for the evening do at our wedding, though it was the same firm that did food earlier so I'm not sure if they charged for providing the bar or just did it for the profit on the sales.

Original poster
boogeek · 30/10/2008 20:34

OK - was intending to provide "first drinks" and some soft drinks, just wanted to get a feel for whether I had to provide all the booze (in which case given the price of the band, hall and food it's probably off). I am going to have to re-think. Ta for thoughts.

OP posts:
Waswondering · 30/10/2008 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
boogeek · 30/10/2008 20:38

LOL @ "anything not drunk". Our friends can drink .

OP posts:
traceybath · 30/10/2008 20:42

Do think like the others you need to provide drink. If you order from somewhere like majestic they do let you return bottles you didn't drink and get a refund.

cthea · 30/10/2008 20:46

YANBU. If your garden was big enough and if it wasn't January and you had a BBQ instead, people would be bringing their own booze and food.

pamelat · 30/10/2008 20:57

I think its rude of the guests if they turn up without a bottle.

I think you could buy a few bottles in but nothing wrong in asking friends to bring a bottle.

DoubleToilandTroubleBluff · 30/10/2008 21:01

YANBU - I wouldnt be offended if I was asked to bring a bottle.
If I got to a prty at someones house i would bring something don't see what the difference is

purpleduck · 30/10/2008 21:21

We went to a 40th recently, it was in a hall attached to a pub though, and there was a pay bar there.

OOOOH!!!!

I Just had an idea!!!!
Why not get someone in to do the bar, but have any profit go to a charity?

solidgoldskullonastick · 30/10/2008 21:24

Mostly, people are unoffended by 'bring a bottle' on invites unless they are utter ponces. ANd utter ponces wouldn't go to a celidh anyway. So I'd agree with providing some soft drinks and some beer/wine/cider but asking guests to bring some booze as well.

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