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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not provide drinks for a 40th birthday party?

48 replies

boogeek · 30/10/2008 20:02

This is my first foray into AIBU - feeling very nervous...
DH's 40th in January: have hired the village hall and a ceilidh band, contacted lots of his old friends. Will provide a buffet. Maybe I am very mean but I don't really feel like providing all the alcohol for the evening - if we had a party at a hotel there would be a bar and people would buy their own drinks without question. So AIBU to put "bring your own booze" on the invitations?

OP posts:

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 21:25

you'd need a license, purple

AMumInScotland · 30/10/2008 21:32

If you charge for drinks you need a license - a caterer can get one specifically for one event, but i don't think ordinary people can just get one.

noonki · 30/10/2008 21:33

YANBU at all - Most weddings I go to are like this, my friends are skint and I've never heard a complaint. Bar is a good idea.

elmoandella · 30/10/2008 21:44

if party was at a house you would be expected to bring a bottle

yanbu

but you have to suplly mixers and soft drinks i'd say. perhaps make sure there's a kettle for drivers or anyone who gets a bit leathered to get a cup of coffee (not like it'll help, but there's always someone who insists on giving a drunk coffee)

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 21:46

The village hall is just an extension of your house (presumably because your house isn't big enough), so the same bringing of drinks rules should apply.

Guests should bring a bottle without having to be told, and won't be offended by a BYOB on the invitation.

purpleduck · 30/10/2008 21:49

ooh, forgot about that I think you would need a temporary events notice, which is about £45

elmoandella · 30/10/2008 21:51

and you can only get a license if you have sat a special exam. so can only get a company in or no selling at all.!!

jicky · 30/10/2008 22:01

you don't need a special exam to get a license - you just apply (well in my area anyway). I've done it a couple of times for fund raising events - send in the forms and cheque, maybe have a phone 'interview' and you get the license.

Original poster

boogeek · 30/10/2008 22:03

Aha - later posters are making me feel a bit of hope that I can provide just a drink, and soft drinks (and teabags!) without people talking about my incredible stinginess for years to come! Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

elmoandella · 30/10/2008 22:05

yeah, i'd blame it on license issues.

hope its fun

callmeovercautious · 30/10/2008 22:06

YANBU

We hired a hall for our wedding, supplied wine/beer/soft drinks on arrival and a stash of ready poured all night, I think my Mum and I drank most of them!. But people wanted to drink the nice real ale etc the bar supplied so we were saved a huge bill

Just make sure people know it is BAB, or a pay bar. We once went to great effort and expense to travel to a friends 30th only to find the "garden party" had a pay bar and we had about £10 between us - it was meant to be taxi fare back to the hotel! DH had to call a taxi just to go and get some cash so he could buy a round!

I hope you have a great time.

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 22:12

We had a cash bar at our wedding. It was a fairly normal thing to do in our community. I used to waitress in a similar hotel to the one where we had our reception and witnessed the bad side of open bars (fights, including one where an ambulance was called).

We provided a welcome drink and toast, and everything else was paid for by guests. I don't think anyone felt put out. Those (on DH's side) who didn't drink a lot didn't have to spend a lot. Those (on my side) who drank a lot, didn't expect my dad to foot the bill for their boozing.

We did provide a bus.

Original poster

boogeek · 30/10/2008 22:14

Yes squeakypop - if there was a cash bar I wouldn't be asking as I think that is fine too! What I want to know is, is it ok to ask people to bring a bottle as there is no bar in the hall?

OP posts:

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 22:24

I can't really fathom a situation where we wouldn't bring a bottle (or three) to a party in a hall.

TskullsScreaming · 30/10/2008 22:31

Ok to ask them to bring a bottle but I'd definately have some more in too or it might die a death. People tend to drift away if they run out of drinks.

deste · 30/10/2008 22:31

Tell the guests you will be supplying wine and beer and if they drink anything else to take it along.

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 22:32

Definitely, skill - case of wine and beer, in addition to guest's drinks.

louii · 30/10/2008 22:33

Its a village hall, bringing your own bottle is totally acceptable and a must in my book. People would not expect to get free drink all night.

Miyazaki · 30/10/2008 22:34

You should provide some booze though, and softies obv.

chopchopbusybusy · 30/10/2008 22:35

YANBU - I think it's fine to say bring a bottle. I do agree that you should buy some beer, wine and soft drinks. I'd buy it in small amounts as and when it is on special offer at the supermarket - bound to be some good deals on booze in the run up to Christmas.

Wendyjayb · 30/10/2008 22:35

We're going to a party in a village hall at the weekend and they have got a bar company in. They don't charge as they make all there money on the drinks. All my friend had to do was get the licence.
And i don't think YBU as in this day and age is very unusual to go to a party and get free drinks xx

lilolilmanchester · 30/10/2008 22:45

Hang on, if the party was in a licensed venue, no-one would question buying their own drinks. Yet guests could bring their drinks to the village hall for a fraction of what they'd spend in a hotel. So to those of you who thing boogeek's being unreasonable, what's the difference????

Boogeek, if the drinks question makes the difference between party and no party, why not say on the invitations "no presents please, but as there is no bar facility, please bring whatever you would like to drink during the evening". Your guests will spend less than if they'd bought a present your DH wouldn't ever use (likely to have been alcohol anyway) and you get to have your party within budget. I personally would not be offended to receive such an invitation, and anyone who would be offended you shouldn't have invited anyway. Not everyone can afford a free bar folks, doesn't mean they shouldn't celebrate their birthday with their nearest and dearest. A lot of snobbery (or lack of understanding of people with limited budgets) on this thread I think

callmeovercautious · 30/10/2008 23:08

Exactly lilolil - our wedding was a party - not a big wedding reception. We provided food and a great DJ, and the bar had great choice at club prices so everyone was very happy when they left!

Bring a bottle is always on our party invites, does not mean we don't provide some drinks, we are usually left with a mountain of food and drink but people like what they like and with no bar facility you can't possibly provide everything. Just don't put value lemonade out

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