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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a little help?

55 replies

kayzisexpecting · 30/10/2008 15:09

I went shopping today. I have to catch the bus as I haven't learnt to drive yet. Trip there was fine, shopping was fine.

Waiting for the bus home there were quite a few people waiting and the bus was half an hour late. When I got on the wheelchair and buggy bit was full with suitcases so I had nowhere to put DS and the buggy. So I had to cram all my shopping into 1 bag, get DS out of his buggy, put him on the floor, stop him from trying to go up the stairs and fold his buggy and put it on top of the suitcases. I'll add here that I'm 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Everyone behind me getting on the bus was tutting.

So we went and sat down, then about 5 minutes later an elderly man with a stick got on the bus. No one moved for him but a lady had a go at me and said I should move and let him sit down. The man refused to let me move. The woman who had a go at me couldn't move because of all her shopping. So he stood up for about 20 minutes until someone got off.

Then when we got to my stop DS had fallen asleep and for some reason he is like a dead weight when he is asleep.
So I struggled to hold him, my shopping, handbag and both of our coats while getting the pushchair off. I heard someone say "If she doesn't hurry up we'll be even later" This really pissed me off and in a hormonal rage, through floods of tears I shouted "No wonder people say this country is going to pot, when people can't get off their fat arses to help a struggling pregnant lady"

I feel kinda ashamed I let them get to me and that I said "arses" in front of DS who at 19 months is picking up words very quickly.

I'm really sorry I am ranting but I needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
sb6699 · 30/10/2008 16:40

Folk these days are so selfish and ignorant and it becomes even more obvious when using public transport.

I was 8 months pregnant with a broken leg and on crutches and still had to stand on the bus going to work with people tutting cause they had step over the crutches to get off.

Starlight, I hope those folk lose one of their favourite earrings, their house keys and one of their favourite shoes

tinkisbigandinneedofzzzzzzzzz · 30/10/2008 16:42

poor you kay u are certainly not being unreasonable atall.

wastingmyeducation · 30/10/2008 16:44

Really well done for saying something!
I was 40+10 when I decided to go to town, and had to stand the whole way, but was too scared to say anything.

xx

SesHashadafab12weekscan · 30/10/2008 16:51

How selfish and ignorant some people are

You were definitely NBU! Well done for saying something and I hope they all felt v stupid and will behave differently in future. (Maybe I'm expecting too much!)

IlanaK · 30/10/2008 16:57

I have lived in central london for the last 4 years with no car. We are on and off buses all the time. In the past I Had a pushchair so have had similar experiences. Now have three kids and baby is in a sling. However, I have learned to not wait for someone to help or give up their seat. I just "ask" them to. I have had to hold and feed baby on the bus and I just say so and ask someone to give me their seat. I have also told people to get up for other people too (when I have b een standing and not able to give them a seat). On the plus side, I have had many seats offered to me without having to ask, and also turned them down many times when baby in the sling would have woken if I sat. If you ride often enough, you see examples of both good and bad. On the london buses, there are now signs telling you to give up certain seats for pregnant ladies (and the eldery, disabled and those carrying children of course too). So I never feel bad about asking.

Mumi · 30/10/2008 17:09

at these stories!
Throughout my (very obvious) pregnancy, on the buses to and from work which were always full by my stop, I was never ever offered a seat and so had to stand at the front lurching back and forth

YANBU!

JamInMyWellies · 30/10/2008 17:10

Good for you for saying something Kayz absoloutely disgusting behaviour by the passengers. Now go make a nice cup of tea and have a little bit of cake.

UmMwahahahaaaaa · 30/10/2008 17:13

Was about to post what IlanaK wrote. Some people have no common sense at all.

feelingbitbetter · 30/10/2008 17:17

YANBU. And I admire your restraint. My response couldn't have been typed here without lots of f%&@ing tw@@ing, Bard Selfish F%kers! and that would have been a nightmare!
You go girl!

pingping · 30/10/2008 17:22

YANBU! I hope your day gets better

daizydoo · 30/10/2008 17:40

Don't get me started on lazy, ignorant people on buses!! I've been known to shout to people on a buses (on more than one occasion) for someone to get up so my client (who was unsteady on her feet and used a crutch!!) could have a seat. It drives me mad when people don't help other people or show common courtesy.

Penthesileia · 30/10/2008 17:51

YANBU!

Oh man - this kind of story makes me come over all medieval. Grrrr. In fact, I am now sitting here fantasising about what I would say and do were I to see such a scene on a bus near me.

Let me at 'em. Have at you, you cads.

FWIW, I was never once offered a seat either when pregnant when commuting from London. Often ended up sitting on the floor. I used to tell myself it was because my bump was so small (never wore maternity clothes), but now realise that it's probably because they were all rude barstewards.

QuintessentialShadows · 30/10/2008 17:56

You have every right to be pissed off, and GOOD ON YOU for saying something.

I know it doesnt make it any better, but I cant remember any single occassion when people helped me when I was pregnant and with toddler, or even with two children and struggling. Only tutting.

British Politness dont go any further than a halfhearted "hawaya!" that doesn expect any response.

fizzbuzz · 30/10/2008 18:09

Do you know, I find teenagers are the ones who offer to give up seats most...quite often adolescent youths

And the people who hog them the most are usually stubborn late middle aged ladies who have been for lunch.

Good for you, did anyone look ashamed?

Christ if I had been watching that, it would never have crossed my mind not to offer help

Salleroo · 30/10/2008 18:33

Well done for saying something. I'm furious on your behalf.

I make people move their suitcases. That area is for wheelchairs and buggies not luggage. It's amazing how women with buggies become invisible from time to time. I now will push the buggy into someone who walks across me as though there is no buggy and spend my days making smart comments to ignorant gits.

I was waiting for the bus one day after there had been an accident on Oxford St. Needless to say there was a big crowd. I was at the end of the q when the bus did arrive to let the mob get on first. Then another woman and her buggy whipped up the inside onto the bus and as it was pulling off she gave me the finger so no solidarity from the mums sometimes either!

ontheup · 30/10/2008 20:24

YANBU at all!! Amazing what people will (not) do. How do they answer the inner voice that MUST be shouting 'get up and give her a seat!!!!' - in fact if you assume there is no little voice for most people it gets quite scary...I used to ask for a seat on the tube when I was pg...

LOL re earrings btw - I read that on the train on the way home and scared my next door neighbour with my inappropriate snorting - class response, I am saving it up for future use.

elkiedee · 30/10/2008 20:28

I have to say that on the tube I've been offered seats by quite a few women of a certain age, late 50s up. Late in my first pregnancy I once turned down a kind offer from a woman holding a baby on her lap, but that did at least shame the man opposite into offering me his seat instead, so I was grateful to her.

On the other hand it was also a middle aged woman who was most unpleasant to me on a bus which wasn't crowded and had plenty of seats, but only one where I could sit and hold my buggy. I wouldn't have asked an old lady to stand for me, I did ask her if she could move into the forward facing seat across the aisle instead of the backward flippy up one she was occupying (and which you can't stay sat in with one wheelchair or two buggies needing the space in this layout), and she moved but then this other woman across from her started yelling at me and the old lady started making out she was some kind of real martyr.

needsomeonetotalkto · 30/10/2008 20:37

I am sorry you've had a shit time. {eople can be arses. And [hangry} at the old bag having a go at you. Few people seem to care any more. Don't feel bad about swearing in front of your child- part of life.

Original poster
kayzisexpecting · 31/10/2008 06:49

Thanks everyone. Most people just looked out of the window as I struggled past them. The bus driver isn't allowed to get out of his seat for some reason so he couldn't help.

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 31/10/2008 10:27

What happened to courtesy?

I'm sure people were more hepful to each other in the "olden days"

JackOLANTERNstini · 31/10/2008 10:34

Kayz - am 34 wks pg too and v emotional - have tears of frustration in my eyes for you YANBU at all - very glad you said something
Am shocked though at how many of you say you have had to put up with this shit for so long from so many people
I am with Ilana and if someone doesn't offer I ask, loudly, and hope I shame some of them into realising what selfish gits they are.

ladymariner · 31/10/2008 10:45

That's so awful, both for you and for the old man. How can some people be so bloody mean?

Anna8888 · 31/10/2008 10:49

You have my sympathy.

When my DD was little I used to make abundant use of the bus places which are reserved in Paris for mothers with young children. These spaces are also reserved for old people - but mothers of young children have priority over old people.

I could never understand why old people would ask me to move to give them a space when there were plenty of healthy young adults also occupying seats in the bus that they could - and should - have asked before me. Until it finally clicked - the old people thought that I would at least be sympathetic to their predicament, whereas the other adults wouldn't be.

noonki · 31/10/2008 11:13

You have my sympathises. Mean old buggers

I had to SHOUT when I was pregnant at a girl who kept leaning on me on the Tram. I ended up shouting I AM PREGNANT IF YOU PUSH ME AGAIN I WILL FLIP
the whole tram went silent (no one offered the scary pregnant lady a seat though!)

BUT I had to go on a bus with DS1 and DS2 aged 2 months/22 months old. Worse thing ever, half an hour late in the rain. Had to fold down the awful huge pram whilst DS2 was given to some unsuspecting man on the street, DS1 to an old guy in the front seat, and everyone on the bus was tutting away.

the old man was lovely though, he had 8 children who he hadnt seen for about 2 years (he was from Somalia) and coo cooed with DS2 and held him all the way. As I left he shouted out the way everyone so loudly they all got of the bus and helped me off.

Fizzylemonade · 31/10/2008 11:44

I helped a woman onto the bus who had a baby, pram and big changing bag that is the legal requirement when you have a baby.

I carried her pram and bag on the bus (my own wee one was in nursery) while she juggled her baby and her handbag.

I think the reason people are reluctant to give up seats is because you pay 4 gold ingots for the journey. It doesn't excuse them though.

Good on you for saying something, I probably would have turned round and said "WHO said that?" I was really bad when I was pregnant.

I even let rip at a checkout girl who asked me when I was due so I told her and she told me I looked huge I asked her if she was a qualified midwife? Only she seemed to know a lot about pregnancy and how big I should be. That shut her up.

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