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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with my friend continually pleading poverty when her dh earns more than £300k plus bonus?

37 replies

FedUpWithFriend · 29/10/2008 14:21

They have a reasonable sized mortgage, kids in state school, don't have to support other members of their family financially, so must have a pretty big disposable income. OTOH, dh and I both work full time, in relatively low paid jobs and our household income is less than 5 times theirs. And she must have some idea about that. But she constantly goes on about how she begrudges paying £2 to school for a trip or how she won't be buying big presents for her kids for Christmas because she just can't afford it. I think she needs to get a bit of perspective or perhaps I just need a new friend!

OP posts:
jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 29/10/2008 14:23

Just say 'wrong audience' to her.

Carmenere · 29/10/2008 14:23

Do you think she might, in a misguided fashion, think that you want to hear this. that she might think she is showing you solidarity?

RiojaLover75 · 29/10/2008 14:24
TrippingTheLightFanjTastic · 29/10/2008 14:25

Maybe you're wrong in your assessment of their financial situation. Perhaps her DH doesn't earn that much, perhaps they have committments you don't know about. Perhaps she really does feel poor.

hambo · 29/10/2008 14:25

I think you are being a bit unreasonable..
If she raved about how rich she was then that would annoy you too I suppose.

You have no idea what she has to spend her cash on or what she does with her money.

I think a new friend is required!

chequersandchess · 29/10/2008 14:26

Do you mean less than one fifth of theirs?

What does her DH do? Perhaps they are struggling in the current climate?

Eniddo · 29/10/2008 14:26

maybe she used to be poor and isn't used to her money

whatever, who cares?

expatinscotland · 29/10/2008 14:27

what JJ said.

or nick her credit card and go shopping with it .

Flibbertyjibbet · 29/10/2008 14:29

You could be talking about my youngest sister. Who hasn't worked for 19 years. Incredibly she seems to think everyone has the same kind of earnings and that we must have more money than her - because we have TWO wages coming in while they have 'only one'!!
even though combined ours come to 1/6 what her dp earns.

Blu · 29/10/2008 14:29

Maybe she's being blackmailed by a highly unsuitable ex-lover?

ComeOVeneer · 29/10/2008 14:32

How on earth do you know what her outgoings are? Perhaps she has previous debts they are still paying off etc. Anyway I think it is crass to discuss money with friends!

Original poster
FedUpWithFriend · 29/10/2008 14:34

Sorry, yes, meant one-fifth.
It's just stuff like I will say something about giving a few tins to school for harvest festival and she will say "oh, I'm not going to give anything, we are having to cut back". We meet up most weeks to take our toddlers to soft play (costs £2) and she has said she can't afford it any more. So then I think that I should maybe offer to pay but that seems ludicrous. Her dh is something in the City so yes, it could be precarious, but then dh and I both work in quite risky jobs too.

OP posts:
Original poster
FedUpWithFriend · 29/10/2008 14:35

I'm not the one raising the money issue with her by the way. She is the one who told me what her dh earns and how much bonus he gets every year when it is announced I don't discuss my income with her at all. But it's obvious from the job I do and everything else about my lifestyle that I don't earn a lot.

OP posts:
TrippingTheLightFanjTastic · 29/10/2008 14:36

So if she says she can't afford a few tins or £2 why do you not beleive her?

Maybe she's the one who needs a new friend

wannaBe · 29/10/2008 14:37

How do you know her dh earns 300K a year?

Maybe the not buying big presents for the kids is her way of teaching them a bit about the value of money? If you grow up with money then imo you do take it for granted.

Having said that, some people, while not being poor, do have different priorities to the rest of us sometimes, so can see their financial situation differently to the way we see it.

My sister does this. Well actually my mother does it on her behalf (this is the same mother who tells me constantly how rich I am ) she is constantly saying how hard-up she is and how she can't afford to do x and y, and yet she seems to manage to find £120 a month to belong to the most expensive health club in town plus addition for swimming/tennis/other classes. So imo she certainly isn't hard-up she has just prioritised her finances in such a way that she seems to be hard-up, iyswim?

Eniddo · 29/10/2008 14:40

maybe she just doesnt want to go to soft play with you any more

Turniphead1 · 29/10/2008 14:46

I agree with Carmenere. It may be that she is trying to show that she is the same as you and not up her own ar*e. Pretty misguided nonetheless.

MorningTownRide · 29/10/2008 14:47

My boss does this.

He moans about his wife spending all his money (she works AND does all the household stuff)

He has season tickets for football, golf membership, high performance car, foreign holidays etc etc ad nauseum.

I refuse to talk to him about anything apart from work now.

As jimjam said, say 'wrong audience'

BroccoliSpears · 29/10/2008 14:51

Well I think YANBU. Not sure why you're getting a hard time really. Some people have more disposable income than others. If your friend talks about money and you know they are a lot better off than you it must be irritating to have to constantly listen to her talking about how poor she is.

LouMacca · 29/10/2008 14:52

My SIL always pleads poverty. Everytime I see her she is wearing a new outfit with matching handbag. She has announced that they are not sending Christmas cards this year as they can't afford it Am sure she will be wearing a new outfit for Christmas Dinner though (with matching Xmas handbag)

peacelily · 29/10/2008 15:06

I don't know whether YABU or not TBH.

people do have different priorities and thershold for their definition of "skint".

For my very lovely friend it's not being able to afford next seasons Mulberry handbag bless her! A bit different from mine

TheSwarovskiCrystalsGoat · 29/10/2008 15:06

@ matching handbag is your sil posh spice?

lulabellarama · 29/10/2008 15:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LouMacca · 29/10/2008 15:13

More like scary spice

MoreSpamThanGlam · 29/10/2008 15:26

Maybe she is paying off her mortgage in a very short space of time and therefore her income is all accounted for. Maybe you should be friends with her in 15 years time when she is lording around with no debt or mortgage.

I had a mate like this who earned a fortune and never spent a penny. Never went out, drove a crappy car, even took a second job. Is now 38 and a £600k house with no mortgage.

good luck to him.

I dont think you sound jealous, just not understanding their circumstances or life choices. Maybe you just dont have the choice to do what she is doing? Either way, I think someone moaning about £2 here and there is draining on any relationship unless you are very very close.

My Dad is loaded and talks about how skint he is ALLLLLL the time. Its very dull.

i would look for a new friend who is a little more on your wavelength.

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