To be fed up with my friend continually pleading poverty when her dh earns more than £300k plus bonus?

[FedUpWithFriend]

They have a reasonable sized mortgage, kids in state school, don't have to support other members of their family financially, so must have a pretty big disposable income. OTOH, dh and I both work full time, in relatively low paid jobs and our household income is less than 5 times theirs. And she must have some idea about that. But she constantly goes on about how she begrudges paying £2 to school for a trip or how she won't be buying big presents for her kids for Christmas because she just can't afford it. I think she needs to get a bit of perspective or perhaps I just need a new friend!

People have different perspectives about what's what! 50k in the bank might be skint to her, to some its a lottery win.

I earn considerably more than most of my friends but they always have more disposable income than me for some reason, I just must pay out more or spend more. Dont worry about it, if she thinks shes skint, then shes skint, treat her to a £2 playday, and she may think oh how kind and treat you the next time, no big deal, just be friends and have a laugh, god knows everybody is skint at the mo.

I would find it really annoying - moaning about £2 my bf lost her job as has her DH and she wouldn't moan about £2. She might ask to borrow £2 until next week but not not go.

YABU. Who really knows the state of someone's finances? They could've built their lives on a house of cards, they could be in debt up to their ears, that £300k may be needed to pay off gambling debts. The only 2 people who know the full picture of our personal finances are DH and me. It is no-one else's business. Just as this is none of your business.

Maybe her dh doesn't give her enough of an allowance? I have friends like this, she pays for household things (food, clothes etc..) and he does mortgage etc..(she is sahm), BUT, as costs have gone up so has the amount he gives her. She also has ch benefit.

YANBU with the facts you have given but You should ask her why she has no money. Am only saying this as she has obviously been open in the past about how much they have so you may as well ask!

Exactly. Just say next time - I don't understand why you say you can't afford this two pound fee when you've told me how much your husband earns? But, yes, everyone has a different level of being/feeling skint and if someone is clearly better off financially than you then it can be a bit galling to listen to them moan about being poor. There seems to be some pride or inverse snobbery about it - we are sooo skint...

I wouldn't like to listen to it from someone who appeared to be rich - unless they told me the reason why - ie massive debts from whatever/massive unusual outgoings. I know someone who is always pleading poverty and it really annoys me. They have SEVEN cars (no joke) and a massive house. Their supermarket shopping is done at M&S. They take about 6 foreign holidays a year, plus some in the UK. But they are really POOR!

Why can't one talk to one's friends about money? Why the secrecy?

Just ask her if she would like your help to try and sort it out. Bring your computer make up a spreadsheet. Right, what exactly comes in and what goes out. Where do you think you could cut back etc.

If you really are her friend then offer to help.

He could have made a few bad investments, he could have lost out on the stockmarket, and they may not have as much money as you think.

yAnbu. I have a SIL like this. Very annoying. She is always 'you know we struggle too' or 'our utility bills have gone up to £100'. Yes I listen but it gets on my nerves as you say trying to show solidarity. My husband earns 1/5th of my brother, we have a second hand small car, they have a porshe cayenne and a people carrier. We went to UK holiday, they had two foreign holidays. We have a savings account for my son's shoes, they have savings accounts for private education. We had a new kitchen cost £2000 that a friend was ripping out. They bemoaned to us having to wait until they could afford it and weren't we lucky- then splashed out £30k on a handmade bespoke kitchen a year later! She moans to me that she hasnt been able to buy my brother a present for 3 years (my DH and me cant either birthday or Christmas) and then buys him a rolex for his birthday...but it was second hand poor them. Yes I know they have some worries but it is SOO annoying listening to her go on, so in my opinion the OP is not unreasonable. Mine is family but perhaps you could see less of this irritating friend?

perfectly summed up R2G
i have friends/family like this, i think we all have.

see less of her if it irritates you so much. it would me.

My friend is the same, she keeps telling me she has to take any work that comes along, overtime, delivering papers anything. She tells me I dont understand, she has to work. She has three foreign holidays a year plus a week in a timeshare. Everything in her house is new, lounge, bathroom, toilet, furniture and it was all paid cash. We have our own business, I also work and we are not extravagant but we only have one holday a year.