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AIBU?

To get really angry when I see a pregnant women smoking!!!

70 replies

memoo · 27/10/2008 18:46

I really would have thought by now that women would have finally got the message that smoking when pregangt is really bad for baby.

We've just been away for a couple of nights and the women in the chalet next door was always on her veranda smoking, she looking about 8 months pregnant.

Maybe I'm a bit over sensitive but I really wanted to go up to her and slap her really hard. I found myself actually giving her a filthy look when she glanced over my way.

Having lost a baby through no fault over my own a few years ago I think its crazy that people would put smoking in front of the health of their babies!

I think women who choose to smoke when pregnant are extremely selfish and should be ashamed!

BTW, I was a smoker too until earlier this year so I do understand how addicitive it is but I always stopped when pregnant and have given up for good now as I don't want my DC to think its a good thing.

OP posts:

Report

kettlechip · 27/10/2008 20:04

YANBU in my opinion. Maybe more so to people who've never smoked themselves though. My supposedly intelligent cousin in law deliberately smoked heavily throughout pregnancy to try to have a small baby (by her own admission).
That really incensed me, but I didn't say anything, it wasn't my business to.

and misdee, your children are beautiful!

nickytwoooohtimes · 27/10/2008 20:04

When you are hooked on anything, there is ALWAYS money for it.
HAving said that, I can only be a sahm because I gave up the fags!

FAQ · 27/10/2008 20:13

I can only afford to smoke as I buy a cheap blended tobacco and roll my own

fwiw - I also smoked throughout DS3's pg, I wanted to quit, I tried to quit, but the stresses at home (which were no where CLOSE to what Misdee had during her 3rd pg admittedly) were too much and I just couldn't.

mummyloveslucy · 27/10/2008 20:20

My husbands friend has a two month old baby girl, I held her for the first time the other day and she acctually smelt of smoke. I did feel sorry for her but you have to distance yourself.
I don't have the full picture so can't judge but I do think it's sad that people are so addicted to somthing that will greatly increase their chanced of an early death. I'm so glad I never started, as I have no will power.

MuAHAHAHAHAHmi · 27/10/2008 20:43

I've never lost a child and I gave up smoking the day I found out I was pregnant. YANBU.

(and by the way onager - never used a pedestrian crossing? )

KatyH · 27/10/2008 20:46

Smokers are addicts. We all have our own addictions and in trying times they are hard to give up. Would you have drawn me a dirty look for indulging in my addiction to brussels pate when pregnant? I'm sure the woman gives herself a hard enough time as it is without strangers wading in.

Although to be fair I do remember feeling a massive sense of injustice when going to the maternity hospital to get the post-mortem results on dd2 and having to walk past the pregnant women outside smoking. However in less emotional times I just feel sympathy for them, not anger.

Misdee, you dd has to be one of the cutest babies I've ever seen!

FAQ · 27/10/2008 20:46

you never seen cars go straight across a pedestrian crossing, or go when they think you've crossed far enough across for them to get past?

I have......mind you 2 weeks after they broke we're still waiting for the pedestrian crossing on the main road at the bottom of the hill to be fixed - so it is still a mad dash.....great close to 3 schools.......

LadyLaGore · 27/10/2008 20:47

you didnt lose your baby because the woman in the next chalet smokes.
you wouldnt want people to judge/assault you based on one aspect of your behaviour, so spend your energies on people who care what you think.

spicemonster · 27/10/2008 20:52

at least have a little humility to not do it where people will witness it and judge you?

LOL. That has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever read on MN.

berolina · 27/10/2008 21:00

Tbh it's not the nicest thing in the world to come out of hospital after an ERPC for miscarriage and walk past a heavily pg woman smoking.

I do try to remember that people might be in desperate situations and smoking is addictive (I smoked for a while a very long time ago, but was never physically and not really psychologically addicted and gave up extremely easily - lucky, I know). It can sometimes be hard not to judge, tbh. It can be just as much of a habit as smoking is

Tryharder · 27/10/2008 21:05

When I was growing up, my mum smoked around us and smoked throughout her pregnancies, my brother and i were regularly taken to houses where 4 or 5 people would be sat in one room smoking and we would have to sit with them.... That was in the early 70s mind..

But I do agree with the OP - a baby is so precious that it's selfish to do something that might harm it in anyway. BUT, as a non-smoker i cannot comprehend the addiction to cigarettes so try not to judge. I think if you can't stop completely, then you should at least cut down.

I was on the labour ward with a lady who had gone into labour (funnily enough) - it was really busy and there were no beds spare for her (she was in the early-ish stages but couldnt go home for some reason). She kept nipping out for a fag much to the consternation of the other women on the ward

Ronaldinhio · 27/10/2008 21:16

yabu

mind your own beeswax

lilymolly · 27/10/2008 21:20

spicemonster

Really I am so pleased

Presuming your taking the piss I will explain that comment?

If it were me I would not dare smoke in front of anyone if I was obviously pregnant, I would be mortified. Thats the point I was trying to make.
Its not a social norm and should be frowned upon in my Very humble opinion

Wispabarsareback · 27/10/2008 21:31

YABU. And pretty unpleasant, to be so judgemental. It's nothing to do with you.

onager · 27/10/2008 21:44

As for the humility and not smoking in front of people that IS funny. The anti-smokers got together and pressured the government into making it illegal to smoke inside many places. You have only yourself to blame if you see people smoking outside.

As I've said before "be careful what you wish for"

lilymolly · 27/10/2008 21:48

oh I am not an anti smoker anything but, just if you are pregnant

Ronaldinhio · 27/10/2008 21:49

If you are a smoker you are a smoker whether it is in front of someone or not
or is this a philosophical, if a tree falls in a wood can you...? sort of argument.

I don't think smokers care whether you see them or not 8-9 months pregnant or not. I also don't think your "concern" bothers them either way

eekamoose · 27/10/2008 22:52

Sorry, I think that bollocks Ronald. There is no such thing as a "smoker", there are people who choose to smoke.

I smoked for 24 years, between 10 and 20 fags a day.

But I gave up as soon as I knew I was pregnant and kept off them for more than 6 months after the baby was born (twice).

To anyone who feels guilty about smoking whilst pregnant: I'm not surprised.

Being addicted to nicotine is not something that can't be overcome. It is difficult. Its far from impossible.

FAQ · 27/10/2008 22:58

"I don't think smokers care whether you see them or not 8-9 months pregnant or not. I also don't think your "concern" bothers them either way"

wrong I felt terrible about it -was wearing a big thick winter coat (im May!) as I was so ashamed of the fact I hadn't managed to quit....

jnmum · 27/10/2008 23:47

someone I know was a heroin addict when she got pregnant, she spent her whole pregnancy withdrawing on a methadone programme. She didn't give up smoking...I guess she was dealing with more important things to give up...

YABU it is not for you to judge

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