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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get really angry when I see a pregnant women smoking!!!

70 replies

memoo · 27/10/2008 18:46

I really would have thought by now that women would have finally got the message that smoking when pregangt is really bad for baby.

We've just been away for a couple of nights and the women in the chalet next door was always on her veranda smoking, she looking about 8 months pregnant.

Maybe I'm a bit over sensitive but I really wanted to go up to her and slap her really hard. I found myself actually giving her a filthy look when she glanced over my way.

Having lost a baby through no fault over my own a few years ago I think its crazy that people would put smoking in front of the health of their babies!

I think women who choose to smoke when pregnant are extremely selfish and should be ashamed!

BTW, I was a smoker too until earlier this year so I do understand how addicitive it is but I always stopped when pregnant and have given up for good now as I don't want my DC to think its a good thing.

OP posts:
misdee · 27/10/2008 19:16

i am not smoking this pregnancy.

i smoked duering the last pregnancy.

i did cut down a lot.

but was v v v v stressed as was watching my dh almost dying in front of me, watching his body waste away and not knowing if he would be there for the birth. i saw him go from a normal looking man when i was 4months pregnant, to a skeleton by the time dd3 was born.

misdee · 27/10/2008 19:19

this may give you some idea

Original poster
memoo · 27/10/2008 19:21

Misdee, I am truely sorry that your husband has been so ill

OP posts:
earthpixie · 27/10/2008 19:21

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all. If I took someone's newborn, put it in a sealed box and filled it with poisonous gas until all their metabolic functions were compromised and their growth impaired, and did it several times a day for 40 weeks or so, you'd think I was unreasonable, wouldn't you?

I walk past the maternity unit of our local hospital fairly often, and often see heavily pregnant women taking deep drags on their last fag before they go in. It REALLY pisses me off.

2manychips · 27/10/2008 19:29

YANBU

justneedsomesleep · 27/10/2008 19:30

No YANBU
I saw a heabily pregnat women today, also with toddler in buggy smoking.
Couldn't help staring pointedly and telepathically shouting (sp?) 'What are you doing?!'
I don't care if I'm being unreasonable, but there is another person inside you that you are damaging!!! Smoke all you want when you are not pregnant, but for nine months or so...

Also - do not smoke near me or my children!

I am being judgey, have never smoked, but think it is a disgusting habit and cannot AT ALL comprehend the absolute lack of care that would lead you to do this wen pregnant.

{hsmile]

onager · 27/10/2008 19:35

Earthpixie, if I took a newborn to a place with huge chunks of hot, sharp, heavy machinery moving about almost randomly. If I pushed the buggy through tight gaps hoping I'd timed it carefully so the baby wasn't crushed. If the machinery belched poisonous fumes in the babies face. If I did this for fun you'd be furious yes?

But that is what pushing a buggy through a town center is.

cheshirekitty · 27/10/2008 19:35

Every intelligent person knows smoking whilst pregnant is wrong.

Go figure.

FAQ · 27/10/2008 19:37

misdee - whenever I look at your DD3's photo's of when she was a baby I can never get over how much hair she had.

You're going to have a shock if this one comes out bald

southeastalien · 27/10/2008 19:37

er do we get one of these threads a week now?

fangdom · 27/10/2008 19:38

I would'nt notice I don't usually go around looking what everyone else is doing ...and its nowt to do with me anyway ..My halo slipped a long time ago

Upwind · 27/10/2008 19:39

yes, you are being unreasonable, it is none of your business

Habbibu · 27/10/2008 19:44

memoo - I do understand the frustration of seeing someone do something which can be harmful to an unborn child when you've lost one - but it's symptomatic of your loss, just as the general irrational rage I've felt at pregnant women in general is a symptom. I had to suppress fury the other day when a pregnant friend said "Oh, I haven't given up caffeine". And I knew what I was feeling was ridiculous, it was a weird sort of envy and I don't know what else. But that's the loss of a child, and it's not your child in that woman's body, it's hers. So you have to let it go, in the end, for your own sake as much as anyone else's.

misdee · 27/10/2008 19:46

FAQ, i might start a sweepstake on the hairiness of dd4. should i measure it by the mm, or cm?

lilymolly · 27/10/2008 19:47

I dont think you are unreasonable at all

No excuse
I was a very heavy smoker until the day I fell pregnant and then I stopped.

These days the least a mother can do is to try to stop by using medication, patches etc and then if they really cant give up at least have a little humility to not do it where people will witness it and judge you?

And whilst I can only imagine how difficult it is to have a very sick partner, surely all the more reason to stop or at least try to stop smoking for the sake of your own health?

Upwind · 27/10/2008 19:48

for what it's worth, while ttcing forever and losing hope of ever having a baby of my own I also felt irrational anger at pregnant women smoking, or doing anything that is not advisable. Once I could not bring myself to speak to a pregnant friend after she sent me lots of photos of herself, heavily pg, on holidays with sunburned and then tanned bump. I felt utter rage though I knew I was being unreasonable.

misdee · 27/10/2008 19:50

lilymolly, i cut down, massively.

but at the end of the day when all alone, not knowing if your going to get a call in the night saying he had passed away, a shakey half fag in the back garden whilst crying can be theraputic in a weird way. i cannot explain how hard it is, as it seems so long ago now, though just 3.5years ago. some of its still so raw, and can make me cry easily but i have blocked a lot out.

i am one of the lucky ones. dh pulled through and is with us still. some people arent so lucky.

eekamoose · 27/10/2008 19:51

I think YANBU because I also have angry and negative thoughts towards the smoker whenever I see anyone pregnant and smoking, or in a confined space with a child and smoking.

But this issue has been done many times before, which probably accounts for some of the "yawn" comments.

FAQ · 27/10/2008 19:52

misdee - I think going on DD3 it should be cm

misdee · 27/10/2008 19:53

what about in inches? theres a hairy dd2 pic in my profile, the one i nthe moses basket. two weeks old then.

Original poster
memoo · 27/10/2008 19:55

I'm sure this has been done before but mumsnet moves so fast that not everyone see's every thread. I cetainly haven't seen one before

OP posts:
nickytwoooohtimes · 27/10/2008 19:58

lilymolly, I smoked like a fucking chimney when my Father was dying - God knows what I'd do if my dh was dangerously ill. That is very, very common behavior.

lal123 · 27/10/2008 19:58

Yes smoking when pregnant is bad for baby - but there are lots and lots of things that we do which are bad for us and/or our children.

Like others above I smoked when I was preg with my daughter (cut down to 2 lights a day) and she was perfect. For my next 2 pregnancies I stopped smoking as soon as I found out - and lost both via m/c. Go figure.

misdee · 27/10/2008 19:59

i havent touched a fag since the day dh came out of ITU and was back on the normal ward.

cheshirekitty · 27/10/2008 20:01

Good for you misdee. I do not understand how people can afford to smoke these days.