To alllow my dd (age 2) to use the word paki?

[littleducks]

ok i will admit thread title is deliberatly provocative (the other thread this morning has spurred me to ask) but the issue is this:

dh is british born pakistani, he uses the word paki, to describe himself and members of family mostly jokingly

he thinks dd should be allowed to say paki, i suppose in a 'reclaiming the word' way

I'm not so sure, dd is pale, blond with blue/green eyes, if you saw her alone/with me you wouldnt guess her cultural heritage and i fear she may offend someone, be told off especially at nursery/infant school as she grows older but doesnt understand about different terms for different audiences iyswim

dh sees my point but at the same time feels that as it is a term used by pakistani/british asian children (admitedly older pre teen and teenagers) i am in fact isolating her from her peers and will make it difficult for her to realise her identity

so am i being to smug and middle class?

[stitch]

from my experience of mixed race/culture marriages. the couple, as a family, tend to take on one culture over the other. very rarely does a fifty fifty split happen. one always dominates. as long as both parties are ok, it is a happier way.

[stitch]

from my experience of mixed race/culture marriages. the couple, as a family, tend to take on one culture over the other. very rarely does a fifty fifty split happen. one always dominates. as long as both parties are ok, it is a happier way.

[UmSami]

Littleducks...what a dilemma...not read all posts as now huge, sorry..

My DH is Egyptian, raised in UK...I, like you, am middle class english. Our first dc has my colouring, and at first glance people wouldn't imagine that he is anything other than a 'white boy'. In fact he's so fair that dh used to be worried about people accusing him of kidnap when alone with DS

My first response to your question...is NO NO NO...she can't be allowed to say that, it's just wrong...I mean if I saw a little white girl saying it, I'd be disgusted by her parents and not want my son to mix with her...

BUT...I wonder if your husbands desire to use this word with her is as a form of identification...not quite what I mean...but bare with me...I get upset, that Arabs don't immediately see my son as Arab..it's part of his heritage, I'm proud of that...it annoys me when white folk, just don't get it or look and try to work out if dad is dad. I use language to let people know that there is more going on than meets the eye...speak arabic to ds when he and I alone, refer to dad very loudly as dad...it shouldn't matter, but it does bug me when people assume...I want my son to identify with his peers of both cultures...I can see why your DP may want to use language that he deems ok.

Another point that your post made me think of...I had a friend, english, husband arab...half kids looked english, the other half arab...she lived in an area where paki was used as a derogatory term for anyone who's brown...therefore her kids heard it alot, and not in a nice way...she told them (ages from 1-12) that Paki means 'nice person', and is a complement...it saved her kids alot of heartache, and in time they learnt the meaning of words. Alot of people have suggested wait until your child understands the word and all that goes with it...after seeing how my friend coped with racist abuse I'm not so sure...A word means to a child what it is allowed to mean...if your daughter is likely to hear the word as a derogatory term...maybe you can ease the pain and take the edge off, by letting it be a word she is comfortable with and assosiates with Daddy...whatever it means to uneducated morons, it has anice meaning to her...

Just a few thoughts...its a hard one, sorry I can't be of more help...